Here's another SS Ellen story. (Background information on the "final straw incident" that led to my ending the friendship is in this thread: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=125363.0 ) Glad you broke contact with her, I would have yelled at her in front of everyone at the party.
I said I wasn't invited, and didn't really want to go anyway, so I was fine with that.
"Well, she said I could bring a friend, and I'm inviting you. It's rude to turn down an invitation when you don't have other plans. And I was just planning to put in an appearance for an hour or so."
I agreed to go with her, since I didn't want to be rude, and we'd only be there an hour--although I made it pretty clear I wasn't happy about it.
If I'd had a nice shiny spine then, I would have given that SS Female Dog the cut direct right after she drove me home--or better yet, never have gone to that party at all. But I was too forgiving--and it would take a few more months before I broke off contact for good.
You know what they say about hindsight... it lets you see just how big a hindquarters someone else is.
1) This is one of the reasons that, when I don't have anything specific planned and I am asked about my plans, I keep things very vague and say "I'm not sure/I'll have to look at my schedule, why do you ask?" Then I am either luckily free or surprisingly (and so
disappointingly) busy depending on what the person asking proposes.
2) I cannot believe that there is an actual written etiquette rule that says you are obligated to accept an invitation if you "don't have other plans." What exactly constitutes as "other plans"? Staying in for the evening sounds like a plan to me! An invitation is just that. It is not a summons. You aren't being subpoenaed or called for jury duty!
3) If you are invited to something and you choose not to go you don't owe anyone any explanation. If you want to bolster with honesty depending on the person and invitation, you might offer a polite excuse: Thanks for the invite but I'm behind on *my work*/It's nice of you to ask me but I'm not feeling well, etc. Bottom line - Thanks but no thanks
. "I'm afraid that won't be possible."
To be honest, I have no trouble telling someone I am not up to coming. IME, if someone says aren't in the mood to go to a party, you do not
want to drag them to one! You have every right to decline, and it is not rude as long as you decline politely.
4) Badgering someone to accept an invitation after they have declined is
rude. By not accepting their 'no,' you are disregarding their feelings and disrespecting their boundaries. IMHO it is extremely ungracious, childish and not to mention highly annoying. If someone doesn't want to come they don't want to come. You just say "sorry to hear you can't make it" and move on. Any 'pushing' or wheedling is selfish and manipulative. Maybe you say "Are you sure?" once
, but that's IT.
Once again, I can't helping noticing how people always pull out the "you
are being rude" card when they aren't getting their way!