Author Topic: Special Snowflake Stories  (Read 5232788 times)

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Redwing

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21375 on: May 31, 2013, 10:07:54 AM »
Apparently wedding SS-ness is taking over my neck of the woods. I was telling a coworker about my friend's parents and she totally one-upped me. She's invited to the wedding of a college friend next month and this weekend got an email from the bride giving coworker and her husband their assignment for the reception: 200 rolls. Apparently the happy couple have decided to "cater the wedding themselves" and have assigned all the guests some type of food or beverage to bring. Other guests are supposed to bring supermarket roast chickens, salad, roasted veggies (they got a recipe), bottles of wine, plates, etc.

Coworker has not decided whether or not she'll bring bread but she definitely will no longer be buying that fancy serving platter from the registry.

...Yeeeah, they need to look up the definition of "doing something yourself". It does not mean "order your nearest and dearest to do it FOR you at their own expense"! ::)

I think the coworker should file this under the nature of the invitation has changed and change her RSVP to NO.

Or just make the bread her wedding gift.

This actually was the case at a wedding I attended several years ago.  A friend from work was getting married.  She and her fiance had lived together for a while.  They had their wedding ceremony in the forest preserve and asked the guests to bring a dish for a wedding gift.  It was one of the nicest weddings I've been to.  Very laid back and low-key.

stitchygreyanonymouse

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21376 on: May 31, 2013, 10:14:03 AM »
Apparently wedding SS-ness is taking over my neck of the woods. I was telling a coworker about my friend's parents and she totally one-upped me. She's invited to the wedding of a college friend next month and this weekend got an email from the bride giving coworker and her husband their assignment for the reception: 200 rolls. Apparently the happy couple have decided to "cater the wedding themselves" and have assigned all the guests some type of food or beverage to bring. Other guests are supposed to bring supermarket roast chickens, salad, roasted veggies (they got a recipe), bottles of wine, plates, etc.

Coworker has not decided whether or not she'll bring bread but she definitely will no longer be buying that fancy serving platter from the registry.

...Yeeeah, they need to look up the definition of "doing something yourself". It does not mean "order your nearest and dearest to do it FOR you at their own expense"! ::)

I think the coworker should file this under the nature of the invitation has changed and change her RSVP to NO.

Or just make the bread her wedding gift.

This actually was the case at a wedding I attended several years ago.  A friend from work was getting married.  She and her fiance had lived together for a while.  They had their wedding ceremony in the forest preserve and asked the guests to bring a dish for a wedding gift.  It was one of the nicest weddings I've been to.  Very laid back and low-key.

Although I am not a fan, and itís not good etiquette, I can see how what Redwing describes could work out okay if it is done at (or preferably prior to) the point of invitation and you know your invitees well enough to know they would support that. I think the laid-back and low-key part is key here. And probably a pretty small invite list.

200 rolls makes me think they were expecting ~150 peopleóthereís just no way that can be low-key and laid-back, purely based on number of people to accommodate. And no way to know that your invitees all support that, unless maybe youíre deep in a counter culture.

mbbored

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21377 on: May 31, 2013, 12:49:52 PM »
Apparently wedding SS-ness is taking over my neck of the woods. I was telling a coworker about my friend's parents and she totally one-upped me. She's invited to the wedding of a college friend next month and this weekend got an email from the bride giving coworker and her husband their assignment for the reception: 200 rolls. Apparently the happy couple have decided to "cater the wedding themselves" and have assigned all the guests some type of food or beverage to bring. Other guests are supposed to bring supermarket roast chickens, salad, roasted veggies (they got a recipe), bottles of wine, plates, etc.

Coworker has not decided whether or not she'll bring bread but she definitely will no longer be buying that fancy serving platter from the registry.

...Yeeeah, they need to look up the definition of "doing something yourself". It does not mean "order your nearest and dearest to do it FOR you at their own expense"! ::)

I think the coworker should file this under the nature of the invitation has changed and change her RSVP to NO.

Or just make the bread her wedding gift.

This actually was the case at a wedding I attended several years ago.  A friend from work was getting married.  She and her fiance had lived together for a while.  They had their wedding ceremony in the forest preserve and asked the guests to bring a dish for a wedding gift.  It was one of the nicest weddings I've been to.  Very laid back and low-key.

Although I am not a fan, and itís not good etiquette, I can see how what Redwing describes could work out okay if it is done at (or preferably prior to) the point of invitation and you know your invitees well enough to know they would support that. I think the laid-back and low-key part is key here. And probably a pretty small invite list.

200 rolls makes me think they were expecting ~150 peopleóthereís just no way that can be low-key and laid-back, purely based on number of people to accommodate. And no way to know that your invitees all support that, unless maybe youíre deep in a counter culture.

I think it would have been one thing if the bride and groom made it clear from the start they wanted a small potluck wedding and were part of community that did things like that. But pulling a bait and switch on 150 people is an entirely different thing all together. What if my coworker had already bought a present; she's supposed to spend $100 on bread on top of that? Or what if she wasn't planning on spending $100 but instead make something for $25?

wolfie

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21378 on: May 31, 2013, 12:51:42 PM »
Plus you got the fact that no matter how used to doing a potluck wedding people are 150 of anything is a lot to ask of any one person! I wouldn't even get that many for my own wedding - which is why I had it catered.

Adelaide

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21379 on: May 31, 2013, 01:39:55 PM »
One of my friends from school comes from a long line of dysfunctional southern women who think that if they throw out enough buzzwords, everyone will think they're southern royalty. Said friend is very sweet most of the time, but she tends to do things like go on and on about her "super expensive bag" that she sent in to get cleaned. Or she'll talk about how the women in her family are "proper southern ladies" who wear hats to church, as if hats were golden tickets to the pearly gates. Yesterday she held a professor and a small group of us hostage with yet another story about the south (this time it was about fishing) that made said prof's eyes glaze over. It was like pulling teeth, but no one was willing to tell her that she was droning on, and on, and on.

She just tries so hard and so earnestly that it backfires on her constantly. For instance, she'll gossip and call a whole slew of people "rude", but then she'll get wasted and slur out "I'm a lady. I don't do stuff like those trashy girls do." I have to call her SS because she's so oblivious to the irony of all of her comments yet she persists in making them.

nutraxfornerves

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21380 on: May 31, 2013, 01:53:43 PM »
Quote
Yesterday she held a professor and a small group of us hostage with yet another story about the south (this time it was about fishing) that made said prof's eyes glaze over. It was like pulling teeth, but no one was willing to tell her that she was droning on, and on, and on.
Why not? You don't have to yell "shut up before I start tearing my hair out!" How about breaking in with "Oh my! I lost track of the time. Excuse me, I need to leave now." And do so. I'll bet several of the other hostages will similarly remember pressing engagements.

Or, "Yes, I understand now. Professor Jones, I have a question about chapter 7 on bean dip. Is now a good time to discuss it with you?"

For repeats of the same story, Miss Manners have even suggested "so you keep telling me."

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Adelaide

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21381 on: May 31, 2013, 02:19:56 PM »
Quote
Yesterday she held a professor and a small group of us hostage with yet another story about the south (this time it was about fishing) that made said prof's eyes glaze over. It was like pulling teeth, but no one was willing to tell her that she was droning on, and on, and on.
Why not? You don't have to yell "shut up before I start tearing my hair out!" How about breaking in with "Oh my! I lost track of the time. Excuse me, I need to leave now." And do so. I'll bet several of the other hostages will similarly remember pressing engagements.

Or, "Yes, I understand now. Professor Jones, I have a question about chapter 7 on bean dip. Is now a good time to discuss it with you?"

For repeats of the same story, Miss Manners have even suggested "so you keep telling me."

She was my ride, so I couldn't cut in with the old "I have to leave" excuse, and the particular story wasn't old enough for "So you keep telling me". In situations with a prof and acquaintances, I don't want to run the risk of seeming cold or callus, especially since we weren't anywhere near discussing actual class work. I feel like the best I can do is grin and bear it, though it's mildly painful at times.

Shalamar

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21382 on: May 31, 2013, 03:15:01 PM »
Quote
For repeats of the same story, Miss Manners have even suggested "so you keep telling me."

Hmm, wonder if I could use that line on my mum.  I adore her, but she has a terrible habit of telling the same story over and over.  It's gotten so that I can practically recite the words along with her.  And if I try to say "Yes, Mum, I've heard this story before," she gets very offended and says "Oh, SORRY, I didn't mean to BORE you."

The kicker is when she actually comes out with an interesting story that I've never heard.  For example, when my daughter was in Paris recently, Mum said nostalgically "Oh, I remember visiting Paris with my friend Brenda when we were in our early twenties, and two gorgeous Dutch boys tried to pick us up."  I was all "That's nice ... wait, WHAT?"   :D

TeamBhakta

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21383 on: May 31, 2013, 03:17:57 PM »
Quote
Yesterday she held a professor and a small group of us hostage with yet another story about the south (this time it was about fishing) that made said prof's eyes glaze over. It was like pulling teeth, but no one was willing to tell her that she was droning on, and on, and on.
Why not? You don't have to yell "shut up before I start tearing my hair out!" How about breaking in with "Oh my! I lost track of the time. Excuse me, I need to leave now." And do so. I'll bet several of the other hostages will similarly remember pressing engagements.

Or, "Yes, I understand now. Professor Jones, I have a question about chapter 7 on bean dip. Is now a good time to discuss it with you?"

For repeats of the same story, Miss Manners have even suggested "so you keep telling me."

She was my ride, so I couldn't cut in with the old "I have to leave" excuse, and the particular story wasn't old enough for "So you keep telling me". In situations with a prof and acquaintances, I don't want to run the risk of seeming cold or callus, especially since we weren't anywhere near discussing actual class work. I feel like the best I can do is grin and bear it, though it's mildly painful at times.

#1. Find a new friend & ditch this one, after you're able to find someone else that'll drive you home
#2. I think Miss Manners will forgive you for fibs like "Oh gosh, Suzy, I hate to interrupt! But! I need to get home so I can get ready for my doctor's appointment /pay my bill that's due by 3 PM/ help my elderly neighbor cross the street! Let's go! Sorry, guys, Suzy will finish the story tomorrow for you, I'm sure!" You can't toss out "emergency, let's go!" all the time, but it doesn't hurt to use it in a pinch

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21384 on: May 31, 2013, 05:23:54 PM »
I've used the "So you keep telling me" line on someone who would tell you the same story over and over.  I did use some version of "So you keep telling me", or "Yes, I remember that, you bought some chips and didn't like them."  He'd say "Yes, and would keep telling the story even if you indicated he'd already told it before!

If this had been my late grandmother who had Alzheimer's, I would have just listened and been a great deal more understanding.  In fact with my grandmother we'd answer a different way each time she told us something because otherwise she'd remember and get embarrassed she'd repeated herself.

This guy however was in his early 30's and just loved hearing himself talk.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Iris

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21385 on: May 31, 2013, 07:07:26 PM »
FIL has a tendency to lecture on facts as a substitute for conversation. It gets beyond boring. I have tried using "yes, I know...Yes, I know" as a substitute for the "oh" and "mm-hmm"s that I started with. It has no effect whatsoever.

People like that don't care that you know the fact our have heard the story. They just want to talk. Last time I saw FIL I made the mistake of mentioning that dd is studying a well known poet at school and he talked. For. Fifteen. Minutes. About the poet without telling me one single thing that I didn't already know. I'm honestly at a loss how to stop him without either just walking away saying "I'm not listening! Lalala!" Or somehow orchestrating a natural disaster to distract him.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

greencat

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21386 on: May 31, 2013, 08:27:02 PM »
My friend's sister was a rather public special snowflake.  She is actually a Bridezilla, but this wasn't really related to the wedding (except that BZilla made it related to the wedding.)  I copied the following directly from where she made this post, tagging my friend and the other person so it was visible on their walls.  I am not friends with the woman - I could literally only see this because she made the post on my friend's wall.  I think my friend allowed it to be visible to show the rest of us that she wasn't exaggerating about what an awful person her sister had turned into lately.

"Wow my sister and one of my best friends went to melting pot without me! Nice! Happy wedding week to me!"

Apparently, my friend actually did invite her sister to go along with them, but since it wasn't a pre-planned outing, there wasn't a lot of warning (maybe half a day?) and my friend's sister didn't respond in time to go out to dinner with them.

*Melting Pot is a fancy fondue place that is often considered a special-occasion treat, because it's kind of expensive. 

Iris

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21387 on: May 31, 2013, 08:49:50 PM »
My friend's sister was a rather public special snowflake.  She is actually a Bridezilla, but this wasn't really related to the wedding (except that BZilla made it related to the wedding.)  I copied the following directly from where she made this post, tagging my friend and the other person so it was visible on their walls.  I am not friends with the woman - I could literally only see this because she made the post on my friend's wall.  I think my friend allowed it to be visible to show the rest of us that she wasn't exaggerating about what an awful person her sister had turned into lately.

"Wow my sister and one of my best friends went to melting pot without me! Nice! Happy wedding week to me!"

Apparently, my friend actually did invite her sister to go along with them, but since it wasn't a pre-planned outing, there wasn't a lot of warning (maybe half a day?) and my friend's sister didn't respond in time to go out to dinner with them.

*Melting Pot is a fancy fondue place that is often considered a special-occasion treat, because it's kind of expensive.

I can't help feeling that if this is temporary insanity, as opposed to her general nature, it would have been a kindness to just delete the post to avoid public embarrassment when her sister returns to her usual state.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

greencat

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21388 on: May 31, 2013, 08:56:36 PM »
My friend's sister was a rather public special snowflake.  She is actually a Bridezilla, but this wasn't really related to the wedding (except that BZilla made it related to the wedding.)  I copied the following directly from where she made this post, tagging my friend and the other person so it was visible on their walls.  I am not friends with the woman - I could literally only see this because she made the post on my friend's wall.  I think my friend allowed it to be visible to show the rest of us that she wasn't exaggerating about what an awful person her sister had turned into lately.

"Wow my sister and one of my best friends went to melting pot without me! Nice! Happy wedding week to me!"

Apparently, my friend actually did invite her sister to go along with them, but since it wasn't a pre-planned outing, there wasn't a lot of warning (maybe half a day?) and my friend's sister didn't respond in time to go out to dinner with them.

*Melting Pot is a fancy fondue place that is often considered a special-occasion treat, because it's kind of expensive.

I can't help feeling that if this is temporary insanity, as opposed to her general nature, it would have been a kindness to just delete the post to avoid public embarrassment when her sister returns to her usual state.

Unfortunately I get the impression that this is merely a slight exaggeration of her usual entitled state.  The post is on the girl's own wall - my friend can only untag herself so that her friends can't see, not remove it entirely. 

Iris

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21389 on: May 31, 2013, 08:59:26 PM »
My friend's sister was a rather public special snowflake.  She is actually a Bridezilla, but this wasn't really related to the wedding (except that BZilla made it related to the wedding.)  I copied the following directly from where she made this post, tagging my friend and the other person so it was visible on their walls.  I am not friends with the woman - I could literally only see this because she made the post on my friend's wall.  I think my friend allowed it to be visible to show the rest of us that she wasn't exaggerating about what an awful person her sister had turned into lately.

"Wow my sister and one of my best friends went to melting pot without me! Nice! Happy wedding week to me!"

Apparently, my friend actually did invite her sister to go along with them, but since it wasn't a pre-planned outing, there wasn't a lot of warning (maybe half a day?) and my friend's sister didn't respond in time to go out to dinner with them.

*Melting Pot is a fancy fondue place that is often considered a special-occasion treat, because it's kind of expensive.

I can't help feeling that if this is temporary insanity, as opposed to her general nature, it would have been a kindness to just delete the post to avoid public embarrassment when her sister returns to her usual state.

Unfortunately I get the impression that this is merely a slight exaggeration of her usual entitled state.  The post is on the girl's own wall - my friend can only untag herself so that her friends can't see, not remove it entirely.

Oh, I see. Well, in that case bed made, lie. I wonder sometimes if certain people simply don't understand how their behaviour comes across to others and I guess this shows that they really don't.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.