Author Topic: Special Snowflake Stories  (Read 5739831 times)

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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21750 on: June 18, 2013, 08:16:02 PM »
Death: He Melvin'd me.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Softly Spoken

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21751 on: June 18, 2013, 08:19:02 PM »
Someone stole my stella d'oro lilies right out of the bed in the front of the house!  It's like they were never there in the first place! My kids and DH wouldn't pull them because as it is, it takes a lot to get those kids to weed and even when they do they're always asking "Is this okay to pull?" and DH knows not to pull when I've shown him "I planted that."

So it's either an animal or a very special snowflake of a neighbor.  >:(

I had someone help themselves to my rhubarb plant in my front yard.  >:(
Cut it down to the ground. If they had knocked on my door and asked I would have given it to them gladly since I don't use it. Since they took it upon themselves to steal it, I hope whatever recipe they use it for turns out horribly. I entertain myself with fantasies of locking them in a tower a-la Rapunzel (whose mother's yen for a certain plant and father's sticky fingers are what landed her in trouble to begin with). >:D
"... for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
-William Shakespeare

"We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't."  ~Frank A. Clark

Softly Spoken

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21752 on: June 18, 2013, 08:28:45 PM »
on the subject of psychics, hubby has given up going to them. They keep telling him he should be dead but knowing how many brushes with death* he's had I'm not surprised

*if your curious, he's been shot numerous, stabbed ,blown up (all in his army career), beaten cancer twice (he flat lined numerous times during chemo), attempted suicide (and failed luckily) and had 2 TIAs (mini strokes).

The gravelings are probably terrified of him by now, and he will live forever!

we joke that he's immortal or that he's going to die spectacularly as the grim reaper is going to get real pissed off and figure out a way to take him where he can't get out of it. our favorite one is heaven doesn't want him and hell is scared he'll take over :)

I'd love to hear some of those conversations! ;D

God - "He should have been here by now! What's taking so long??"
Death - "I tried! He beat me in chess five times. FIVE. And then I tried sudden-death poker but apparently I suck at it." <sulk>
God - "Well try racquetball or something! Sheesh!"

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAH! *snort* *wheeze*
I submit the above as further proof that we need to add a "Like"/Upvote feature to this forum. ;D

I would tweak it a little though:
D: "...and then I tried sudden-death poker-"
G: "Ha. I see what you did there."
D: "What? Oh. Yeah. Well, erm it didn't work either. Apparently I suck at it."
G: "You suck at something that's named after you?"
D: "I know right? Plus a grinning skull should be the perfect poker face! Apparently I have a tell where I laugh maniacally when I have a good hand." *hangs head sheepishly*
G: *SIGH* "Well, look at it this way Death: Even if he keeps beating you, at least he's with dawnfire...that's as close to Heaven as we can get him for now."
*heavenly theme music plays as we fade to black*
 ;D
"... for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
-William Shakespeare

"We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't."  ~Frank A. Clark

blue2000

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21753 on: June 18, 2013, 08:49:12 PM »
Death: He Melvin'd me.

 ;D


G: *SIGH* "Well, look at it this way Death: Even if he keeps beating you, at least he's with dawnfire...that's as close to Heaven as we can get him for now."
*heavenly theme music plays as we fade to black*
 ;D

Awww. How sweet! :-* A happy (sort-of) ending!
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Harriet Jones

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21754 on: June 18, 2013, 09:00:31 PM »
For the past several years, someone keeps stealing all the peaches off of the tree in our back yard.  I'm pretty sure it's a deer, though.  :)

Cuddlepie

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21755 on: June 18, 2013, 09:27:38 PM »
Neighbours told us the nectarine tree that grew in our front garden bore beautiful fruit.  The trouble is that our family never ever got to eat a ripened one.  For 2 years in a row someone came into the garden, which was fenced and gated, to pick each and every fruit just before they were ready to eat.

After the 2nd incident I pruned the tree HARD, so hard it didn't fruit for a couple of years.  Then it was laden with many tiny fruit and I thought our family would have nectarines a plenty, as surely the fruit thief would have moved onto greener pastures by now.

Did not happen.  One day I was working in front garden, but out of sight, and noticed a gentleman taking an exceptionally long look at the tree and I committed him to memory as I felt he 'was the one'.  Saw him again in the coming weeks and it always seemed as though he was checking out the tree.

Just as the fruit was ripening, I chopped down the tree, fruit and all.  If I was not going to eat any then no-one else was either !!!! 

This happened 20 years ago and my now adult children still laugh about the day Mum went 'George Washington and chopped down the nectarine tree.'  My biggest regret is not witnessing the fruit thief's face when they saw what I had done.

Shoo

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21756 on: June 18, 2013, 09:36:25 PM »
Neighbours told us the nectarine tree that grew in our front garden bore beautiful fruit.  The trouble is that our family never ever got to eat a ripened one.  For 2 years in a row someone came into the garden, which was fenced and gated, to pick each and every fruit just before they were ready to eat.

After the 2nd incident I pruned the tree HARD, so hard it didn't fruit for a couple of years.  Then it was laden with many tiny fruit and I thought our family would have nectarines a plenty, as surely the fruit thief would have moved onto greener pastures by now.

Did not happen.  One day I was working in front garden, but out of sight, and noticed a gentleman taking an exceptionally long look at the tree and I committed him to memory as I felt he 'was the one'.  Saw him again in the coming weeks and it always seemed as though he was checking out the tree.

Just as the fruit was ripening, I chopped down the tree, fruit and all.  If I was not going to eat any then no-one else was either !!!! 

This happened 20 years ago and my now adult children still laugh about the day Mum went 'George Washington and chopped down the nectarine tree.'  My biggest regret is not witnessing the fruit thief's face when they saw what I had done.

Why didn't you just put a lock on your gate?

PastryGoddess

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21757 on: June 18, 2013, 09:51:26 PM »
Neighbours told us the nectarine tree that grew in our front garden bore beautiful fruit.  The trouble is that our family never ever got to eat a ripened one.  For 2 years in a row someone came into the garden, which was fenced and gated, to pick each and every fruit just before they were ready to eat.

After the 2nd incident I pruned the tree HARD, so hard it didn't fruit for a couple of years.  Then it was laden with many tiny fruit and I thought our family would have nectarines a plenty, as surely the fruit thief would have moved onto greener pastures by now.

Did not happen.  One day I was working in front garden, but out of sight, and noticed a gentleman taking an exceptionally long look at the tree and I committed him to memory as I felt he 'was the one'.  Saw him again in the coming weeks and it always seemed as though he was checking out the tree.

Just as the fruit was ripening, I chopped down the tree, fruit and all.  If I was not going to eat any then no-one else was either !!!! 

This happened 20 years ago and my now adult children still laugh about the day Mum went 'George Washington and chopped down the nectarine tree.'  My biggest regret is not witnessing the fruit thief's face when they saw what I had done.

Why didn't you just put a lock on your gate?

Locks are no match for produce thieves.

I'm convinced the only way to stop them is to cover your beds in poison oak/sumac and encourage a nest of killer bees to live in the trees

MrTango

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21758 on: June 18, 2013, 10:09:03 PM »
There was a time when someone caught stealing fruit from a person's trees would be greeted by a shotgun, or at the very least a few hungry dogs.

It's interesting that, as the lethality of getting caught stealing has diminished, so has the concept of respecting others' property.

Gwywnnydd

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21759 on: June 18, 2013, 10:11:36 PM »
on the subject of psychics, hubby has given up going to them. They keep telling him he should be dead but knowing how many brushes with death* he's had I'm not surprised

*if your curious, he's been shot numerous, stabbed ,blown up (all in his army career), beaten cancer twice (he flat lined numerous times during chemo), attempted suicide (and failed luckily) and had 2 TIAs (mini strokes).

The gravelings are probably terrified of him by now, and he will live forever!

we joke that he's immortal or that he's going to die spectacularly as the grim reaper is going to get real pissed off and figure out a way to take him where he can't get out of it. our favorite one is heaven doesn't want him and hell is scared he'll take over :)

I'd love to hear some of those conversations! ;D

God - "He should have been here by now! What's taking so long??"
Death - "I tried! He beat me in chess five times. FIVE. And then I tried sudden-death poker but apparently I suck at it." <sulk>
God - "Well try racquetball or something! Sheesh!"

I'll just leave this right here... http://xkcd.com/393/ =D

gramma dishes

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21760 on: June 18, 2013, 10:17:52 PM »
...
G: *SIGH* "Well, look at it this way Death: Even if he keeps beating you, at least he's with dawnfire...that's as close to Heaven as we can get him for now."
*heavenly theme music plays as we fade to black*
 ;D

Aww .... that is so sweet!   :D

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21761 on: June 19, 2013, 12:39:22 AM »
Neighbours told us the nectarine tree that grew in our front garden bore beautiful fruit.  The trouble is that our family never ever got to eat a ripened one.  For 2 years in a row someone came into the garden, which was fenced and gated, to pick each and every fruit just before they were ready to eat.

After the 2nd incident I pruned the tree HARD, so hard it didn't fruit for a couple of years.  Then it was laden with many tiny fruit and I thought our family would have nectarines a plenty, as surely the fruit thief would have moved onto greener pastures by now.

Did not happen.  One day I was working in front garden, but out of sight, and noticed a gentleman taking an exceptionally long look at the tree and I committed him to memory as I felt he 'was the one'.  Saw him again in the coming weeks and it always seemed as though he was checking out the tree.

Just as the fruit was ripening, I chopped down the tree, fruit and all.  If I was not going to eat any then no-one else was either !!!! 

This happened 20 years ago and my now adult children still laugh about the day Mum went 'George Washington and chopped down the nectarine tree.'  My biggest regret is not witnessing the fruit thief's face when they saw what I had done.

Why didn't you just put a lock on your gate?

Locks are no match for produce thieves.

I'm convinced the only way to stop them is to cover your beds in poison oak/sumac and encourage a nest of killer bees to live in the trees
I would have spoken to him, saying something like I never tasted my nectarines as some greedy person keeps stealing them.

random numbers

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21762 on: June 19, 2013, 01:14:04 AM »
Neighbours told us the nectarine tree that grew in our front garden bore beautiful fruit.  The trouble is that our family never ever got to eat a ripened one.  For 2 years in a row someone came into the garden, which was fenced and gated, to pick each and every fruit just before they were ready to eat.

After the 2nd incident I pruned the tree HARD, so hard it didn't fruit for a couple of years.  Then it was laden with many tiny fruit and I thought our family would have nectarines a plenty, as surely the fruit thief would have moved onto greener pastures by now.

Did not happen.  One day I was working in front garden, but out of sight, and noticed a gentleman taking an exceptionally long look at the tree and I committed him to memory as I felt he 'was the one'.  Saw him again in the coming weeks and it always seemed as though he was checking out the tree.

Just as the fruit was ripening, I chopped down the tree, fruit and all.  If I was not going to eat any then no-one else was either !!!! 

This happened 20 years ago and my now adult children still laugh about the day Mum went 'George Washington and chopped down the nectarine tree.'  My biggest regret is not witnessing the fruit thief's face when they saw what I had done.

Why didn't you just put a lock on your gate?

Locks are no match for produce thieves.

I'm convinced the only way to stop them is to cover your beds in poison oak/sumac and encourage a nest of killer bees to live in the trees
I would have spoken to him, saying something like I never tasted my nectarines as some greedy person keeps stealing them.

I would have waited up at night with a garden hose.

blue2000

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21763 on: June 19, 2013, 05:50:05 AM »

I'll just leave this right here... http://xkcd.com/393/ =D

That's hilarious!

And very true of some people...
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

BabyMama

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #21764 on: June 19, 2013, 08:51:38 AM »
http://www.kare11.com/news/article/1029034/396/Police-seek-person-in-video-taking-planter-from-Stillwater-business

A woman was caught stealing planters from a local business. A nearby church also reported some of its potted plants (and all the iron hanging hooks) stolen too. And another church is having all their garden plants (petunias and roses) dug up straight from their memorial garden; the thieves just leave big holes behind.
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