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Author Topic: Special Snowflake Stories  (Read 6147039 times)

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Jocelyn

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23040 on: August 23, 2013, 06:51:58 PM »
DH and I just finally got our wills finalized yesterday (after planning to get around to it for 7+ years).  In our case it was a bit complicated figuring out how to word the custody of the girls in case something happened to us, and making sure that SIL1 wouldn't end up with a big influx of money by mistake - with her current issues, a large inheritance would lead to a large drug overdose pretty quickly  :-\
Good for you. I remember when my parents wrote their wills when I was about 8, and it was a great comfort knowing what would happen if they died. I think a lot of parents would think this would scare a child, but I liked knowing that my two favorite uncles and their wives would be taking care of me. My parents' attorney had advised writing it that way, as he had seen cases where the parents selected one couple, and at the time of their death, that couple was having some sort of problem that really made it hard for them to do justice by newly bereaved children. By writing that the uncles and aunts would decide which of the 2 couples was best prepared to take in 3 nieces at that moment, that sort of issue was avoided.

blue2000

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23041 on: August 23, 2013, 07:01:32 PM »
Some people truly are revolting aren't they?  What the heck do they expect the family to do?

Live in a ghetto with all the other undesirables (i.e. - not like me!)
Or institutionalize the child, because EVERYBODY knows that ALL handicapped children have no more brains than a head of lettuce and should be put away where other people don't have to think about them.   ::)

The sister of my friend shared something on fbook, an album of about 300 photos taken of suitcases left at an asylum, and it is said that the people never saw their families again, and when they were died, were buried in unmarked graves behind the asylum.    :'(  That made me tear up when I read it and I couldn't look at the whole album in the article, it just made me too sad to think of all these abandoned people and unmarked graves and think of how the mentally ill were once treated.

Doesn't surprise me (even though it is awful). My father used to work for a mental institution. Some of his patients had grown up there - they were left there as babies or small children and never got out. Up until about the 80's, this was considered acceptable. When the place shut down and most of the patients went to group homes, Dad was actually pretty mad - the ones who had never been outside their whole lives had no idea what to do in a group home. He thought it was mean to just throw them in and expect them to adjust.

Was this in Texas?  My Dad worked in a place that had been a tubuculosis hospital but transitioned to the adult mentally retarded.

There were people who had been there for thirty and forty years (since they were infants or toddlers) who had epilepsy - and had no mental issues at all (other than not having been taught a lot of things - because before 1950 or even 1960 something - epilepsy was considered equal to mental retardation). 

After he'd been there a while, the transfers to group homes started to happen for every resident who was not in such poor health or so badly mentally impacted that they were bed ridden or required one-on-one care at all times. Someone who is forty and never learned to read or write past a second grade level is probably NOT prepared to handle their own cooking, cleaning, laundry, and the like.....without more training and supervision.

Nope, in Canada.

The residents were cleared out within a month or so, I think? A very short span of time. Most of them were not bedridden, so that wasn't a big problem. The problem was the same one your dad's institution had - people who had spent their lives in locked rooms and dark corridors with 24hr nursing care and then were expected to be in an unlocked house with minimal supervision. Even things like "don't touch a hot stove" would be an issue - how would they know that if they have never seen a stove??
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laud_shy_girl

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23042 on: August 23, 2013, 07:07:29 PM »
I offer up for your approval the SS bacon fed nave who parked in my neighbors parking space.

But it's ok, only half their car was in neighbors space, the other half was in my space.  >:(

Seriously people, the lines go on either side of the car. Not down its middle.
“For too long, we've assumed that there is a single template for human nature, which is why we diagnose most deviations as disorders. But the reality is that there are many different kinds of minds. And that's a very good thing.” - Jonah Lehrer

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23043 on: August 23, 2013, 07:15:55 PM »
DH has a will but it probably needs to be updated.  I don't have one at all and probably should see to it.  Part of the problem is trying to decide who would get our 3 boys if something happened to us.  Unlike my parents, I only have one sibling and DH is an only child.  Right now my brother's not really in a position to take on 3 kids as he's still going through school and doesn't work. 

Plus he lives at home with our parents which poses a big problem since I don't want either of them having contact with my kids.  And even if he moved out, he's still on good terms with them, at least I haven't heard him talk of giving them the cut at all. 

My IL's...well they might be a viable option since MIL doesn't work and they could afford to.  There was a time MIL watched the older two during the days when they were toddlers and she said she loves 'em but it reminded her of why she only had one child.   Course now they're older and in school during the day most of the year so she'd just have one during the day.

But all the more reason for us to try and live till at least my oldest two could take in their brother! LOL!
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Moralia

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23044 on: August 23, 2013, 08:19:52 PM »

Was this in Texas?  My Dad worked in a place that had been a tubuculosis hospital but transitioned to the adult mentally retarded.

There were people who had been there for thirty and forty years (since they were infants or toddlers) who had epilepsy - and had no mental issues at all (other than not having been taught a lot of things - because before 1950 or even 1960 something - epilepsy was considered equal to mental retardation). 

After he'd been there a while, the transfers to group homes started to happen for every resident who was not in such poor health or so badly mentally impacted that they were bed ridden or required one-on-one care at all times. Someone who is forty and never learned to read or write past a second grade level is probably NOT prepared to handle their own cooking, cleaning, laundry, and the like.....without more training and supervision.

Reminds me of a gal I used to work with.  She had some sort of muscular problem which left her unable to stand or walk on her own from the age of 6. Her body was weak, but not her mind. However, her father decided she shouldn't go to school or otherwise leave the house. He wanted her to go into an institution, but her mother wouldn't allow it.
Her older brothers had to sneak her out the window so she could go see movies and such (bless them!). She ended up in a nursing home after her mother died. She was there well into her late 40s, she never knew there were options.

But then...in the late 1980s, a young man with a muscular disorder whose family worked very hard to help him have as independent a life as possible was in the nursing home for a brief stay (a couple weeks recovering from pneumonia IIRC).  He saw that her mobility problems were like his own and he was receiving a fair amount of aid from the State of Texas to have a motorized wheelchair and home health worker, etc. So he asked his caseworker to talk with her.  In the end, for about the same money and state benefits that had been going to a nursing facility, she got her own little apartment, a motorized wheel chair, home health care worker to help in the mornings and evenings, was able to get into a GED program and eventually get a job. She was a sweet lady and I think that young man was an angel for helping her get her life back.

But how different her life could have been in her father (and society in general) hadn't had such "special" ideas about children with disabilities.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2013, 08:25:11 PM by Moralia »

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23045 on: August 23, 2013, 08:58:28 PM »
While in some cases I imagine it was due to a lack of knowing how to take care of a child with disabilities, I'm afraid that my cynicism believes that such an attitude was a result of not wanting to let it be known someone had "faulty" genes and that they could produce anything less than a visually perfect child.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

weeblewobble

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23046 on: August 23, 2013, 09:33:26 PM »
This reminds me of the neighbors who taunted the child with Huntington's disease in Michigan. I don't know how any human being could stoop that low. I hope the police and crime analysis staff can find the source and speak with them.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/terminally-ill-year-olds-family-bullied-neighbors/story?id=11851233

I remember this. The nasty altercations began because the evil lady was mad that her neighbors' grandkids were playing in a bouncy house hired for a party in their backyard. Evil lady thought her kids should be able to go play in it, too, despite the fact that they were not invited to the party and the bouncy house was in the neighbors' back yard. Neighbor said no, and evil lady started the bullying to "get back" at her.

I think that what's so interesting about this type of personality is that they honestly think everybody else shares their world view.  They're so convinced that they're right, they've always been right and will always be right, that when they receive disapproval on a grand scale, it's a huge shock

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23047 on: August 23, 2013, 09:48:51 PM »
While in some cases I imagine it was due to a lack of knowing how to take care of a child with disabilities, I'm afraid that my cynicism believes that such an attitude was a result of not wanting to let it be known someone had "faulty" genes and that they could produce anything less than a visually perfect child.

Have you heard of eugenics? Those sorts of theories favour shutting up people with such disabilities.

Elfmama

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23048 on: August 23, 2013, 11:28:59 PM »
Catholic men who are active in their parish are welcome to join the Knights of Columbus.  (Sorry, ladies -- our plumbing is wrong!  ::) ) The KofC offers life insurance to their members, both whole and term, at VERY good prices.  Family members can also be covered.  Actual attendance at KofC functions/meetings is not mandatory; DH's council has a lot of members who are members solely for the insurance, who rarely to never show up at meetings.
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exitzero

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23049 on: August 24, 2013, 08:59:24 AM »
While in some cases I imagine it was due to a lack of knowing how to take care of a child with disabilities, I'm afraid that my cynicism believes that such an attitude was a result of not wanting to let it be known someone had "faulty" genes and that they could produce anything less than a visually perfect child.

I am the guardian of a man who has Down Syndrome, whose Grandfather, a minster, insisted he be put away because "nice" families don't have children like that.

The Special Snowflake aspect is that he tried to demand that a woman in town, who was not even a member of his congregation, do the same with her DS child. She declined.

Jocelyn

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23050 on: August 24, 2013, 10:12:31 AM »
While in some cases I imagine it was due to a lack of knowing how to take care of a child with disabilities, I'm afraid that my cynicism believes that such an attitude was a result of not wanting to let it be known someone had "faulty" genes and that they could produce anything less than a visually perfect child.

Have you heard of eugenics? Those sorts of theories favour shutting up people with such disabilities.
It was very much a concern, for the entire family. There was a time in which having a disabled child was considered proof you'd done something horrible, and God was punishing you, coupled with the belief that any disability had to be inheritable. There's plenty of historical accounts of siblings being rejected as potential marital partners because they carried 'bad blood'.  Parents weren't just choosing to reject an imperfect child, but also to  preserve the futures of their other children.

Jocelyn

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23051 on: August 24, 2013, 10:19:09 AM »
Catholic men who are active in their parish are welcome to join the Knights of Columbus.  (Sorry, ladies -- our plumbing is wrong!  ::) ) The KofC offers life insurance to their members, both whole and term, at VERY good prices.  Family members can also be covered.  Actual attendance at KofC functions/meetings is not mandatory; DH's council has a lot of members who are members solely for the insurance, who rarely to never show up at meetings.
KoC was created in response to other fraternal organizations' refusal to accept Catholics as members. These fraternal organizations were big in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, at least in part because they promised to care for the widows and orphans of members.
And women could join the Daughters of Isabella. :)
Most of the organizations weren't co-ed because they were started by people who were replicating their college experiences with sororities and fraternities, in the days prior to co-education. Also, they catered to well-off people, women who had leisure during the daytime to attend meetings, and men who relied on their wives to stay home with the kids while they went out to meetings at night.

Julia Mercer

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23052 on: August 24, 2013, 10:33:30 AM »
Not on last page yet, so not sure if anyone has posted about this, but since it went viral, this sounds like a big time SS to me, the coward that left the note for the mother of an autistic child, telling her the kid should be euthanized, what kind of person does something like this, THEY should be euthanized!

http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/08/19/ontario-family-shocked-when-they-receive-letter-telling-them-to-euthanize-autistic-child/

Hillia

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23053 on: August 24, 2013, 10:56:08 AM »
While in some cases I imagine it was due to a lack of knowing how to take care of a child with disabilities, I'm afraid that my cynicism believes that such an attitude was a result of not wanting to let it be known someone had "faulty" genes and that they could produce anything less than a visually perfect child.

I am the guardian of a man who has Down Syndrome, whose Grandfather, a minster, insisted he be put away because "nice" families don't have children like that.

The Special Snowflake aspect is that he tried to demand that a woman in town, who was not even a member of his congregation, do the same with her DS child. She declined.

I have a book of Reader's Digest articles dating from the 30's, and it's fascinating reading.  There's an article written by a woman who has sent her child to live in an institution for some unspecified reason, probably Down syndrome.  It's full of justification, started off by quoting her doctor who lays out how terrible the whole family's life will be if this child remains with them - they will go broke paying for special medical treatment, the other kids will be bullied at school, the mother will die young from the constant strain of caring for the 'subnormal' child, and the other kids will not be able to make good marriages, because who would want to marry into a family with this kind of freak?  She goes on to describe the institution where the child has been placed as some sort of resort, the proverbial 'farm in the country' where all unwanted animals go, and how happy the child is living there.  They visit once a month and everything is always shining and happy.

I'm sure there were  many places and many caregivers back in the day who did do their best to make a comfortable life for those in their  charge, but the whole tone of 'this is best for everyone, especially poor little Susie' just really gets under your skin.

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kherbert05

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23054 on: August 24, 2013, 11:03:41 AM »
Some people don't educate children with disabilities because even today doctors are telling then they can't. There was a little girl (now 4th grade) that entered our PK program. Through some comments she made teachers and administrators found out she had a brother with downs syndrome. It took months of talking to the  parents and home visits to get them undo the damage done by the "doctors" they had seen, who had compared the boy to a dog. He was entered into our early intervention program. He is thriving. The older sister's class are fierce guardians of our life skills kids. Say something ugly about anyone in PCPD or Life skills and those kid will be telling you to stop NOW while giving the other child a hug.


Growing up my best friend had a brother with cognitive disabilities. My friend and I told off more than one adult who told us he shouldn't be seen in public. Even parents of other classmates would make ugly remarks. Sometimes it was because my Mom was making sure friend and her little sister got to go to things their brother couldn't handle or their parents couldn't attend because he was in the hospital. As his medical problems got more complicated, some right to death group found out. They would call the house at all hours screaming at whoever picked up the phone that the family should allow the brother to die by withholding basic medical care. He died when we were in HS. I was the only classmate allowed to come over to be with my friend  - because the parents knew I would never say things like "he is better off now".
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