Author Topic: Special Snowflake Stories  (Read 4384689 times)

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otterwoman

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23040 on: August 23, 2013, 03:06:58 PM »
Ugh. My uncle tried pulling something similar. He went whining to his parents with "Sis#1 (my mom) has a house, and Sis#2 has a house, but I don't!" He expected the parents to correct this travesty!

Yeah, the reason Sis#1 has a house is because she worked hard for it, and Sis#2 inherited hers through her DH. Parents informed him that they were not going to hand him a house on a silver platter.


My sister told my mother to take me out of the will because "She has a house and a vacation house, and her husband makes good money! She doesn't need any more!"  and "Brother has a good job as a teacher, he doesn't need money either! They have everything and I have nothing! They shouldn't be in the will!"

Hooboy.....

Youngest sister is single, unlike myself or our other sister. She has told us several times that she has more expenses than we do, since she is single. Also, she shouldn't ever be expected to buy a gift or send a card, but the first birthday and Christmas she didn't get a gift? There was a giant tantrum.

I am really not looking forward to estate issues when the time comes.
If the executor isn't a completely unbiased person like a lawyer, it SHOULD be, ASAP.  Because if you or other sister are the executor, there may be a lawsuit by youngest sister to force you to give her "her fair share." :(  Never underestimate the power of a hissyfit when it comes to sharing out even the most modest estate or the most insignificant tchotchke.

No will, no estate planning, no lawyer.

DH's family is like that. They will not discuss what they want done with their possessions or even their remains. It's like death doesn't happen to them. My family discusses death easily; who will get what in the wills, how they want remains dealt with. After DD was born I asked DH to write a new will (he actually had one, naming his then-minor son). He kept putting it off. I finally just made the appointment at the lawyers office and dragged him with me.

ladyknight1

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23041 on: August 23, 2013, 03:16:11 PM »

  No will, no estate planning, no lawyer.

Yikes!   :o   Is there any way you could tactfully convince her that maybe she should be thinking of taking care of that?


POD TO THE NTH DEGREE.  This is a family feud just waiting to happen. Please get your folks to a good estate planning attorney.

Working on it with my other sister. My parents think things like financial or estate planning are for when your old. Myself, my DH, my sister and her DH all have our affairs in order. We are trying very hard. DH' cousin is a lawyer and we are trying to get them to talk to him since they know him.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2013, 03:25:11 PM by ladyknight1 »

VorFemme

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23042 on: August 23, 2013, 03:19:59 PM »
Some people truly are revolting aren't they?  What the heck do they expect the family to do?

Live in a ghetto with all the other undesirables (i.e. - not like me!)
Or institutionalize the child, because EVERYBODY knows that ALL handicapped children have no more brains than a head of lettuce and should be put away where other people don't have to think about them.   ::)

The sister of my friend shared something on fbook, an album of about 300 photos taken of suitcases left at an asylum, and it is said that the people never saw their families again, and when they were died, were buried in unmarked graves behind the asylum.    :'(  That made me tear up when I read it and I couldn't look at the whole album in the article, it just made me too sad to think of all these abandoned people and unmarked graves and think of how the mentally ill were once treated.

Doesn't surprise me (even though it is awful). My father used to work for a mental institution. Some of his patients had grown up there - they were left there as babies or small children and never got out. Up until about the 80's, this was considered acceptable. When the place shut down and most of the patients went to group homes, Dad was actually pretty mad - the ones who had never been outside their whole lives had no idea what to do in a group home. He thought it was mean to just throw them in and expect them to adjust.

Was this in Texas?  My Dad worked in a place that had been a tubuculosis hospital but transitioned to the adult mentally retarded.

There were people who had been there for thirty and forty years (since they were infants or toddlers) who had epilepsy - and had no mental issues at all (other than not having been taught a lot of things - because before 1950 or even 1960 something - epilepsy was considered equal to mental retardation). 

After he'd been there a while, the transfers to group homes started to happen for every resident who was not in such poor health or so badly mentally impacted that they were bed ridden or required one-on-one care at all times. Someone who is forty and never learned to read or write past a second grade level is probably NOT prepared to handle their own cooking, cleaning, laundry, and the like.....without more training and supervision.
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MommyPenguin

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23043 on: August 23, 2013, 03:30:32 PM »

  No will, no estate planning, no lawyer.

Yikes!   :o   Is there any way you could tactfully convince her that maybe she should be thinking of taking care of that?

My husband, when asked by his parents what he wanted for Christmas, said the only thing he really wanted was for them to write a will.  Not because he wanted their stuff, he didn't care if they wanted to leave every cent to his brother.  But because he and his brother have a new and tenuous relationship that has recovered from a great deal of strain, and they're working hard to mend it.  He's seen what problems can be caused by an unfair will or by things not made clear (in the family, a particularly elderly woman of the type who loves to play favorites left almost everything to one nephew, and left a pittance to a niece who had been one of the ones who frequently visited and helped her, etc.).  He wanted to make sure that when his parents died, it would be utterly clear who got what and they wouldn't have any need to argue over it.

Morrigan

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23044 on: August 23, 2013, 04:19:32 PM »
Some people truly are revolting aren't they?  What the heck do they expect the family to do?

Live in a ghetto with all the other undesirables (i.e. - not like me!)
Or institutionalize the child, because EVERYBODY knows that ALL handicapped children have no more brains than a head of lettuce and should be put away where other people don't have to think about them.   ::)

The sister of my friend shared something on fbook, an album of about 300 photos taken of suitcases left at an asylum, and it is said that the people never saw their families again, and when they were died, were buried in unmarked graves behind the asylum.    :'(  That made me tear up when I read it and I couldn't look at the whole album in the article, it just made me too sad to think of all these abandoned people and unmarked graves and think of how the mentally ill were once treated.

Sounds like that this guy (Jon Crispin) is doing with the Willard Mental Hospital suitcases:

http://joncrispin.wordpress.com/tag/willard-suitcases/

Slartibartfast

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23045 on: August 23, 2013, 06:11:55 PM »
DH and I just finally got our wills finalized yesterday (after planning to get around to it for 7+ years).  In our case it was a bit complicated figuring out how to word the custody of the girls in case something happened to us, and making sure that SIL1 wouldn't end up with a big influx of money by mistake - with her current issues, a large inheritance would lead to a large drug overdose pretty quickly  :-\

Jocelyn

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23046 on: August 23, 2013, 06:51:58 PM »
DH and I just finally got our wills finalized yesterday (after planning to get around to it for 7+ years).  In our case it was a bit complicated figuring out how to word the custody of the girls in case something happened to us, and making sure that SIL1 wouldn't end up with a big influx of money by mistake - with her current issues, a large inheritance would lead to a large drug overdose pretty quickly  :-\
Good for you. I remember when my parents wrote their wills when I was about 8, and it was a great comfort knowing what would happen if they died. I think a lot of parents would think this would scare a child, but I liked knowing that my two favorite uncles and their wives would be taking care of me. My parents' attorney had advised writing it that way, as he had seen cases where the parents selected one couple, and at the time of their death, that couple was having some sort of problem that really made it hard for them to do justice by newly bereaved children. By writing that the uncles and aunts would decide which of the 2 couples was best prepared to take in 3 nieces at that moment, that sort of issue was avoided.

blue2000

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23047 on: August 23, 2013, 07:01:32 PM »
Some people truly are revolting aren't they?  What the heck do they expect the family to do?

Live in a ghetto with all the other undesirables (i.e. - not like me!)
Or institutionalize the child, because EVERYBODY knows that ALL handicapped children have no more brains than a head of lettuce and should be put away where other people don't have to think about them.   ::)

The sister of my friend shared something on fbook, an album of about 300 photos taken of suitcases left at an asylum, and it is said that the people never saw their families again, and when they were died, were buried in unmarked graves behind the asylum.    :'(  That made me tear up when I read it and I couldn't look at the whole album in the article, it just made me too sad to think of all these abandoned people and unmarked graves and think of how the mentally ill were once treated.

Doesn't surprise me (even though it is awful). My father used to work for a mental institution. Some of his patients had grown up there - they were left there as babies or small children and never got out. Up until about the 80's, this was considered acceptable. When the place shut down and most of the patients went to group homes, Dad was actually pretty mad - the ones who had never been outside their whole lives had no idea what to do in a group home. He thought it was mean to just throw them in and expect them to adjust.

Was this in Texas?  My Dad worked in a place that had been a tubuculosis hospital but transitioned to the adult mentally retarded.

There were people who had been there for thirty and forty years (since they were infants or toddlers) who had epilepsy - and had no mental issues at all (other than not having been taught a lot of things - because before 1950 or even 1960 something - epilepsy was considered equal to mental retardation). 

After he'd been there a while, the transfers to group homes started to happen for every resident who was not in such poor health or so badly mentally impacted that they were bed ridden or required one-on-one care at all times. Someone who is forty and never learned to read or write past a second grade level is probably NOT prepared to handle their own cooking, cleaning, laundry, and the like.....without more training and supervision.

Nope, in Canada.

The residents were cleared out within a month or so, I think? A very short span of time. Most of them were not bedridden, so that wasn't a big problem. The problem was the same one your dad's institution had - people who had spent their lives in locked rooms and dark corridors with 24hr nursing care and then were expected to be in an unlocked house with minimal supervision. Even things like "don't touch a hot stove" would be an issue - how would they know that if they have never seen a stove??
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

laud_shy_girl

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23048 on: August 23, 2013, 07:07:29 PM »
I offer up for your approval the SS bacon fed nave who parked in my neighbors parking space.

But it's ok, only half their car was in neighbors space, the other half was in my space.  >:(

Seriously people, the lines go on either side of the car. Not down its middle.
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23049 on: August 23, 2013, 07:15:55 PM »
DH has a will but it probably needs to be updated.  I don't have one at all and probably should see to it.  Part of the problem is trying to decide who would get our 3 boys if something happened to us.  Unlike my parents, I only have one sibling and DH is an only child.  Right now my brother's not really in a position to take on 3 kids as he's still going through school and doesn't work. 

Plus he lives at home with our parents which poses a big problem since I don't want either of them having contact with my kids.  And even if he moved out, he's still on good terms with them, at least I haven't heard him talk of giving them the cut at all. 

My IL's...well they might be a viable option since MIL doesn't work and they could afford to.  There was a time MIL watched the older two during the days when they were toddlers and she said she loves 'em but it reminded her of why she only had one child.   Course now they're older and in school during the day most of the year so she'd just have one during the day.

But all the more reason for us to try and live till at least my oldest two could take in their brother! LOL!
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Moralia

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23050 on: August 23, 2013, 08:19:52 PM »

Was this in Texas?  My Dad worked in a place that had been a tubuculosis hospital but transitioned to the adult mentally retarded.

There were people who had been there for thirty and forty years (since they were infants or toddlers) who had epilepsy - and had no mental issues at all (other than not having been taught a lot of things - because before 1950 or even 1960 something - epilepsy was considered equal to mental retardation). 

After he'd been there a while, the transfers to group homes started to happen for every resident who was not in such poor health or so badly mentally impacted that they were bed ridden or required one-on-one care at all times. Someone who is forty and never learned to read or write past a second grade level is probably NOT prepared to handle their own cooking, cleaning, laundry, and the like.....without more training and supervision.

Reminds me of a gal I used to work with.  She had some sort of muscular problem which left her unable to stand or walk on her own from the age of 6. Her body was weak, but not her mind. However, her father decided she shouldn't go to school or otherwise leave the house. He wanted her to go into an institution, but her mother wouldn't allow it.
Her older brothers had to sneak her out the window so she could go see movies and such (bless them!). She ended up in a nursing home after her mother died. She was there well into her late 40s, she never knew there were options.

But then...in the late 1980s, a young man with a muscular disorder whose family worked very hard to help him have as independent a life as possible was in the nursing home for a brief stay (a couple weeks recovering from pneumonia IIRC).  He saw that her mobility problems were like his own and he was receiving a fair amount of aid from the State of Texas to have a motorized wheelchair and home health worker, etc. So he asked his caseworker to talk with her.  In the end, for about the same money and state benefits that had been going to a nursing facility, she got her own little apartment, a motorized wheel chair, home health care worker to help in the mornings and evenings, was able to get into a GED program and eventually get a job. She was a sweet lady and I think that young man was an angel for helping her get her life back.

But how different her life could have been in her father (and society in general) hadn't had such "special" ideas about children with disabilities.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2013, 08:25:11 PM by Moralia »

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23051 on: August 23, 2013, 08:58:28 PM »
While in some cases I imagine it was due to a lack of knowing how to take care of a child with disabilities, I'm afraid that my cynicism believes that such an attitude was a result of not wanting to let it be known someone had "faulty" genes and that they could produce anything less than a visually perfect child.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

weeblewobble

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23052 on: August 23, 2013, 09:33:26 PM »
This reminds me of the neighbors who taunted the child with Huntington's disease in Michigan. I don't know how any human being could stoop that low. I hope the police and crime analysis staff can find the source and speak with them.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/terminally-ill-year-olds-family-bullied-neighbors/story?id=11851233

I remember this. The nasty altercations began because the evil lady was mad that her neighbors' grandkids were playing in a bouncy house hired for a party in their backyard. Evil lady thought her kids should be able to go play in it, too, despite the fact that they were not invited to the party and the bouncy house was in the neighbors' back yard. Neighbor said no, and evil lady started the bullying to "get back" at her.

I think that what's so interesting about this type of personality is that they honestly think everybody else shares their world view.  They're so convinced that they're right, they've always been right and will always be right, that when they receive disapproval on a grand scale, it's a huge shock

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23053 on: August 23, 2013, 09:48:51 PM »
While in some cases I imagine it was due to a lack of knowing how to take care of a child with disabilities, I'm afraid that my cynicism believes that such an attitude was a result of not wanting to let it be known someone had "faulty" genes and that they could produce anything less than a visually perfect child.

Have you heard of eugenics? Those sorts of theories favour shutting up people with such disabilities.

Elfmama

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23054 on: August 23, 2013, 11:28:59 PM »
Catholic men who are active in their parish are welcome to join the Knights of Columbus.  (Sorry, ladies -- our plumbing is wrong!  ::) ) The KofC offers life insurance to their members, both whole and term, at VERY good prices.  Family members can also be covered.  Actual attendance at KofC functions/meetings is not mandatory; DH's council has a lot of members who are members solely for the insurance, who rarely to never show up at meetings.
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