Author Topic: Special Snowflake Stories  (Read 5266957 times)

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exitzero

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23055 on: August 24, 2013, 08:59:24 AM »
While in some cases I imagine it was due to a lack of knowing how to take care of a child with disabilities, I'm afraid that my cynicism believes that such an attitude was a result of not wanting to let it be known someone had "faulty" genes and that they could produce anything less than a visually perfect child.

I am the guardian of a man who has Down Syndrome, whose Grandfather, a minster, insisted he be put away because "nice" families don't have children like that.

The Special Snowflake aspect is that he tried to demand that a woman in town, who was not even a member of his congregation, do the same with her DS child. She declined.

Jocelyn

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23056 on: August 24, 2013, 10:12:31 AM »
While in some cases I imagine it was due to a lack of knowing how to take care of a child with disabilities, I'm afraid that my cynicism believes that such an attitude was a result of not wanting to let it be known someone had "faulty" genes and that they could produce anything less than a visually perfect child.

Have you heard of eugenics? Those sorts of theories favour shutting up people with such disabilities.
It was very much a concern, for the entire family. There was a time in which having a disabled child was considered proof you'd done something horrible, and God was punishing you, coupled with the belief that any disability had to be inheritable. There's plenty of historical accounts of siblings being rejected as potential marital partners because they carried 'bad blood'.  Parents weren't just choosing to reject an imperfect child, but also to  preserve the futures of their other children.

Jocelyn

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23057 on: August 24, 2013, 10:19:09 AM »
Catholic men who are active in their parish are welcome to join the Knights of Columbus.  (Sorry, ladies -- our plumbing is wrong!  ::) ) The KofC offers life insurance to their members, both whole and term, at VERY good prices.  Family members can also be covered.  Actual attendance at KofC functions/meetings is not mandatory; DH's council has a lot of members who are members solely for the insurance, who rarely to never show up at meetings.
KoC was created in response to other fraternal organizations' refusal to accept Catholics as members. These fraternal organizations were big in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, at least in part because they promised to care for the widows and orphans of members.
And women could join the Daughters of Isabella. :)
Most of the organizations weren't co-ed because they were started by people who were replicating their college experiences with sororities and fraternities, in the days prior to co-education. Also, they catered to well-off people, women who had leisure during the daytime to attend meetings, and men who relied on their wives to stay home with the kids while they went out to meetings at night.

Julia Mercer

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23058 on: August 24, 2013, 10:33:30 AM »
Not on last page yet, so not sure if anyone has posted about this, but since it went viral, this sounds like a big time SS to me, the coward that left the note for the mother of an autistic child, telling her the kid should be euthanized, what kind of person does something like this, THEY should be euthanized!

http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/08/19/ontario-family-shocked-when-they-receive-letter-telling-them-to-euthanize-autistic-child/

Hillia

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23059 on: August 24, 2013, 10:56:08 AM »
While in some cases I imagine it was due to a lack of knowing how to take care of a child with disabilities, I'm afraid that my cynicism believes that such an attitude was a result of not wanting to let it be known someone had "faulty" genes and that they could produce anything less than a visually perfect child.

I am the guardian of a man who has Down Syndrome, whose Grandfather, a minster, insisted he be put away because "nice" families don't have children like that.

The Special Snowflake aspect is that he tried to demand that a woman in town, who was not even a member of his congregation, do the same with her DS child. She declined.

I have a book of Reader's Digest articles dating from the 30's, and it's fascinating reading.  There's an article written by a woman who has sent her child to live in an institution for some unspecified reason, probably Down syndrome.  It's full of justification, started off by quoting her doctor who lays out how terrible the whole family's life will be if this child remains with them - they will go broke paying for special medical treatment, the other kids will be bullied at school, the mother will die young from the constant strain of caring for the 'subnormal' child, and the other kids will not be able to make good marriages, because who would want to marry into a family with this kind of freak?  She goes on to describe the institution where the child has been placed as some sort of resort, the proverbial 'farm in the country' where all unwanted animals go, and how happy the child is living there.  They visit once a month and everything is always shining and happy.

I'm sure there were  many places and many caregivers back in the day who did do their best to make a comfortable life for those in their  charge, but the whole tone of 'this is best for everyone, especially poor little Susie' just really gets under your skin.

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kherbert05

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23060 on: August 24, 2013, 11:03:41 AM »
Some people don't educate children with disabilities because even today doctors are telling then they can't. There was a little girl (now 4th grade) that entered our PK program. Through some comments she made teachers and administrators found out she had a brother with downs syndrome. It took months of talking to the  parents and home visits to get them undo the damage done by the "doctors" they had seen, who had compared the boy to a dog. He was entered into our early intervention program. He is thriving. The older sister's class are fierce guardians of our life skills kids. Say something ugly about anyone in PCPD or Life skills and those kid will be telling you to stop NOW while giving the other child a hug.


Growing up my best friend had a brother with cognitive disabilities. My friend and I told off more than one adult who told us he shouldn't be seen in public. Even parents of other classmates would make ugly remarks. Sometimes it was because my Mom was making sure friend and her little sister got to go to things their brother couldn't handle or their parents couldn't attend because he was in the hospital. As his medical problems got more complicated, some right to death group found out. They would call the house at all hours screaming at whoever picked up the phone that the family should allow the brother to die by withholding basic medical care. He died when we were in HS. I was the only classmate allowed to come over to be with my friend  - because the parents knew I would never say things like "he is better off now".
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Redsoil

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23061 on: August 24, 2013, 11:08:00 AM »
That is just so weird to me, that people in this day and age would be so negative about anyone with a developmental disability.  Does not compute.
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VorFemme

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23062 on: August 24, 2013, 12:15:22 PM »
That is just so weird to me, that people in this day and age would be so negative about anyone with a developmental disability.  Does not compute.

There are a significant percentage of people who still think "if it was good enough for (previous generation - or possibly three generations back) it's good enough for today".  They do like running water, flush toilets, sewers, and a few of the other "modern" conveniences - but differ on whether electric lights, radio, tv (broadcast or cable), internet, telephones (landline or cellular), and so forth are really needed....and certainly if great-great aunt Tootsie ended up in a "home" back in 1918, well, that is the way to handle anyone else with the same issue (if anyone remembers).....

I'm not saying that they are right - just that they exist.  And they seem to have no volume control on how loudly they bray their outdated opinions and incomplete information in public.  Because in their world (or at least their family), everyone else is presumed to have the same basic information (or lack of more recent information) and to think the same way.

They may still think "sugar diabetes" is a slow death sentence....so why bother sticking to a diet, taking blood tests every day, and seeing a doctor....because you're just going to (name symptom that scares them the most) anyway......

Same issue with any other medical issue that there was no treatment for a century ago and there is NOW.
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Jocelyn

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23063 on: August 24, 2013, 12:28:33 PM »
Even now, a lot of parents aren't being told that there's an alternative to placing their children in Willowbrook or keeping them at home. I remember asking the mother of a client what were her plans for her son after high school, and finding out that even the special ed teachers hadn't told her that there were group homes and training programs that her son could benefit from. She said no one had ever told her that her son could hold a job someday. Once she starting thinking along those lines, it DID make sense to her that it was more 'normal' for a young adult to live with other young adults, than with their parents. It changed her idea from thinking of it as putting him away for her convenience, to moving him into adulthood like all the other kids in his high school. I pointed out that the other kids in his school were, by and large, being entrusted to the care of professionals who were providing them with supervision, peer groups and career training- that some of those 'institutions' were colleges, vo-tech schools, or the military, but that 'institutionalizing' your young adult child until they were ready to take full responsibility for themselves was really a very 'normal' thing to do. ;D

blue2000

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23064 on: August 24, 2013, 01:57:31 PM »
While in some cases I imagine it was due to a lack of knowing how to take care of a child with disabilities, I'm afraid that my cynicism believes that such an attitude was a result of not wanting to let it be known someone had "faulty" genes and that they could produce anything less than a visually perfect child.

I am the guardian of a man who has Down Syndrome, whose Grandfather, a minster, insisted he be put away because "nice" families don't have children like that.

The Special Snowflake aspect is that he tried to demand that a woman in town, who was not even a member of his congregation, do the same with her DS child. She declined.

I have a book of Reader's Digest articles dating from the 30's, and it's fascinating reading.  There's an article written by a woman who has sent her child to live in an institution for some unspecified reason, probably Down syndrome.  It's full of justification, started off by quoting her doctor who lays out how terrible the whole family's life will be if this child remains with them - they will go broke paying for special medical treatment, the other kids will be bullied at school, the mother will die young from the constant strain of caring for the 'subnormal' child, and the other kids will not be able to make good marriages, because who would want to marry into a family with this kind of freak?  She goes on to describe the institution where the child has been placed as some sort of resort, the proverbial 'farm in the country' where all unwanted animals go, and how happy the child is living there.  They visit once a month and everything is always shining and happy.

I'm sure there were  many places and many caregivers back in the day who did do their best to make a comfortable life for those in their  charge, but the whole tone of 'this is best for everyone, especially poor little Susie' just really gets under your skin.

I've mentioned this before in more detail, but my grandmother was advised by her doctor that she should 'accidentally' kill her Down Syndrome child. She also had quite a falling-out with some of her family because she chose to treat him like a normal child.

She and some other people ran a summer camp for retarded children for a while. Apparently a lot of the kids who came to camp didn't run or play much because they were so used to staying hidden inside the house. Despite the annoying tone of the article, it may actually have been better for little Susie to be sent away to a farm in those days. She would have been allowed to play and interact with other kids and do all sorts of things she never would have been allowed to do at home.
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rain

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23065 on: August 24, 2013, 04:53:54 PM »
while I am very interested in the posts about the changes over the years about how individuals with disabilities have been viewed/accepted/educated could it please move to another thread?  (I'll start one as I have things to post too, but don't want to derail the snowflake thread)

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nuit93

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23066 on: August 24, 2013, 05:03:54 PM »
Catholic men who are active in their parish are welcome to join the Knights of Columbus.  (Sorry, ladies -- our plumbing is wrong!  ::) ) The KofC offers life insurance to their members, both whole and term, at VERY good prices.  Family members can also be covered.  Actual attendance at KofC functions/meetings is not mandatory; DH's council has a lot of members who are members solely for the insurance, who rarely to never show up at meetings.
KoC was created in response to other fraternal organizations' refusal to accept Catholics as members. These fraternal organizations were big in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, at least in part because they promised to care for the widows and orphans of members.
And women could join the Daughters of Isabella. :)
Most of the organizations weren't co-ed because they were started by people who were replicating their college experiences with sororities and fraternities, in the days prior to co-education. Also, they catered to well-off people, women who had leisure during the daytime to attend meetings, and men who relied on their wives to stay home with the kids while they went out to meetings at night.

Actually, it was the Catholic Church that was against its members being a part of any kind of secret society that was not a part of their church.  KoC developed in response to that.

Starchasm

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23067 on: August 24, 2013, 07:20:17 PM »
I have an apartment for rent. While this has brought out a pretty large number of snowflakes (the number of people who make an appointment then never show up is staggering) this one takes the cake.

A friend of a friend is moving to the city. She will be here the second week of September and would like to see it. She also would not want to move in until October or November. She is very put out I won't hold the apartment (that she may or may not want to rent) that long. Just in case.

crella

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23068 on: August 24, 2013, 08:32:01 PM »
Ugh. My uncle tried pulling something similar. He went whining to his parents with "Sis#1 (my mom) has a house, and Sis#2 has a house, but I don't!" He expected the parents to correct this travesty!

Yeah, the reason Sis#1 has a house is because she worked hard for it, and Sis#2 inherited hers through her DH. Parents informed him that they were not going to hand him a house on a silver platter.


My sister told my mother to take me out of the will because "She has a house and a vacation house, and her husband makes good money! She doesn't need any more!"  and "Brother has a good job as a teacher, he doesn't need money either! They have everything and I have nothing! They shouldn't be in the will!"

Hooboy.....

Please tell me your mother told her where to stick her ideas about will-making.


My mother cut her out of the will, which she informed me during a visit with me in the US. It took me a year or so to talk her into leaving her something, I said 'Now come on, you'll be down the street in ****(Cemetery) and you're going to leave me to deal with her when the will's read?'  :D :D :D

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I am really not looking forward to estate issues when the time comes.

Have your parents make out a detailed will. Detailed. Otherwise, things that you KNOW your mother said you could have (in front of the whole family, more than once) become the target of 'But she said I could have that one day while we were out at the park feeding the swans' (example of unlikely scenario of heirloom distribution on the same level of 'Huh?' as many thrown at me last year).

If executor, check the status of bank accounts frequently, especially if you are at a distance. I just want to say that  once the ducks are all in a row never count on them staying that way! It's been a painful year. It's all done with, including a relationship or two.

Edited some info that on second thought could have been identifying.

 
« Last Edit: August 25, 2013, 09:47:53 PM by crella »

lorelai

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23069 on: August 24, 2013, 10:03:36 PM »
I can't tell if I'm the special snowflake, or if the rest of the world is... Chances are I am :)

I was flying home the other day, and the woman sitting next to me had her elbow resting on our shared armrest, with her elbow sticking into my seat space. I've heard before that etiquette says that the person in the middle seat gets the armrest. Therefore, when I am in the aisle or window, I don't even go for the armrest. But I do like to take up all my seat space.

In this case I was in the window, and getting cranky. I felt it would be rude to tell/ask her to move, so instead I waited for her to shift - she ended up needing to get something out of her purse - and then I moved my arm so that I was occupying my space. When she went back to put her elbow there, she hit my elbow, and them moved back and took only the amount of space necessary to cover the armrest. She gave me a really annoyed look and one of those exasperated loud sighs, but didn't say anything.

When I use the armrest, I do the same. I don't allow my elbows to go over into other people's space. I think she was the SS but I'm sure she thought I was! Then again I feel like people do this all the time, so perhaps I really am.