Author Topic: Special Snowflake Stories  (Read 5087923 times)

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gramma dishes

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23310 on: September 06, 2013, 01:30:16 PM »
For some things "choices" are quite appropriate for children, but other things are non-negotiable. 

Would you prefer the red glass or the blue glass?  Would you prefer to color or play with Play-doh?  Blue shirt or green shirt?  Go to the park or play outside on our swing set?  Invite Billy over or Joey instead?

Bedtime?  Nope, not in my house.  We read a story and then took them straight to bed.  No choices at all.  Sane parents make better parents and having to struggle every single night at bedtime would have produced a less than totally sane mommy.  By that time I was quite "done for the day".   ;D

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23311 on: September 06, 2013, 01:50:52 PM »
Some of the parenting examples just given don't qualify for SS, in my book.


It is annoying though when these parents have someone waiting on the child's choices.   If we'd had plenty of time or if it was just her daughter I'd think "Well not the way I'd do it, but hey, whatever floats her boat."

But in this case, she (the cousin in law) knew this was meant to be a quick trip before we hit the road and that we had a long drive ahead of us. 

My youngest is now closing in on two (he was 2 months then) and if no one is waiting on us, I might let him climb the steps to his room for a diaper change rather than carrying him up myself, or let him try to put his own shoes on, or let him do the chest buckle on his car seat.

But if I know someone's waiting on us and they have time constraints?  He gets carried up the steps and I put the shoes on and fasten the buckle.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

MommyPenguin

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23312 on: September 06, 2013, 02:18:21 PM »
I have a 3-year-old (newly 3), and for naptimes, I always do "bumpalumpas."  I carry her up the stairs (pretty much the only time she gets carried nowadays, so it's special) bumping her up and down as we go, saying "bump-a-lump-a-bump-a-lump-a."  For whatever reason, she loves it.  She loves it so much that all I have to do when it's naptime is tell her, moving my arms up a down a bit, "look, the bumpalumpas are starting!"  She runs and jumps to get into my arms because, hey, if she doesn't hurry, the bumpalumpas might go on without her.  It's really cute, and oh-so-convenient.  We do all sorts of little playtime things to get her in bed, like I'll sing "rock a bye baby" acting the song out (blowing on her for "the wind blows" and when the "baby falls" I drop her into her bed so that she bounces a bit).  Makes naptime so much more a game.

I have to admit, though, that I'm guilty of the "okay?" as in, "do you understand and agree to obey?"  The correct response (from the child) is "okay."  If I don't get a response, I'll say, "Okay?" again, until they agree.  I've tried to work on saying "do you understand?" and I do that sometimes, but it's not quite as natural.

*inviteseller

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23313 on: September 06, 2013, 02:40:06 PM »
The school supply thing is a bone of contention with me.  When my little one started kindergarten we got a list and I bought everything (including tissues, hand sanitizer, ect) then found out except for the folders, everything went into a communal supply area.  That meant that my hard earned money went to supply kids whose parents didn't (and I have noticed that the lower income families buy the supplies, the higher income families do not   grrrrr)>  Last year I bought the supplies on the list sent home a week before school started..then she comes home with a completely different list from her teacher so I had to go back out, again, and rebuy stuff but at least it wasn't communal (altho my sweetie will give her classmates the shirt off her back so I ended up replacing stuff often.  Thank you Dollar Tree!).  This year I sent her on the first day with some pencils, glue sticks, a sharpener, and a folder because I didn't trust the list they sent home..and that was the list to be used!!  And I always have to buy the binders for her and they were never used last year..they got sent back in for this year.  Some teachers are very SS with expecting the parents to supply the class with everything..no, I will make sure my child is well equipped but as I have been off work for a year I will not supply other kids with supplies.  If the parents can't afford it, the school social worker has resources to help them out, and if parents are too lazy or don't want to well, their kids are not getting my kids supplies.

As far as the white boards and markers for them, my DD has been using them since K (she is in 2nd now) for math.  Instead of practicing on paper where they erase alot and tear the paper and waste it they just use the white boards.  I think it is a great idea and the dollar store has the boards and markers.

hjaye

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23314 on: September 06, 2013, 03:01:56 PM »
Seconded!

And on a related note, it drives me nuts when people allow kids to attend a party that's meant only for adults.   My mother remembers going to a late-night party at her boss's house, and her boss's then-4-year-old son was riding his tricycle throughout the house (!), running into people, knocking things over, and generally being a nuisance.  The boss's wife was absolutely useless - she just kept saying plaintively "Sweetie, don't you want to go to bed?"  Of course, the answer from the brat was "No!", and that was apparently the end of the discussion.   ???

Ugh, that's one of my pet peeves, when parents ask children that young if they want to do something they need to do.  When visiting my cousin about 2 years ago, the wife, daughter and I were getting ready to go to the beach on our last day visiting them.   The weather had been rather warm for a January weekend (50's) and being a beach lover I wanted to get in one more visit before we left. (cousins live about 5 minutes from the Jersey shore)

DH was eager to get on the road cause it's a long drive home and the wife kept saying to her 3 year old daughter. "Do you want to go potty now?" "Why don't we go potty now?"  I wanted to scoop up the child, carry her to the toilet and say "here, I know you don't think you need to go but let's sit and try anyway."   

The mother is always like this with both of their kids.  There's no "We're going to do this!" It's always "Do you want to?" And if the answer is no, she waits till the answer is yes.  ::)

I thought I might have offended my wife's daughter-in-law this past labor day weekend because of this kind of issue.

DIL daughter and her slightly older cousin (both are my wife's granddaughters) were downstairs while my wife and I were watching TV in the living room.  DIL came down from the upstairs and asked us if it was ok if the two girls watched a movie in our bedroom to keep them occupied.  My wife said it was ok so long as they were quiet.

DIL then turned to the two girls and started to ask if them if they would be quiet while watching the tv in our bedroom.  I broke in at that point and said "No if they are watching tv in our bedroom (bedroom is right off the living room and noise carries very easily) then they WILL be quiet, it is not a choice"

I gave a stern look to both girls, then they went into the bedroom and we did not hear a peep out of them.

DIL and husband (wife's son) are famous for constantly negotiating with their daughter.  She (the granddaughter) really rules them and most of the time I just keep my mouth shut.

Modified for clarity
« Last Edit: September 06, 2013, 07:13:12 PM by hjaye »

siamesecat2965

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23315 on: September 06, 2013, 03:36:21 PM »
I thought I might have offended my wife's daughter-in-law this past labor day weekend because of this kind of issue.

DIL daughter and her slightly older cousin (both are my wife's granddaughters) were downstairs while my wife and I were watching TV in the living room.  DIL came down from the upstairs and asked us if it was ok if the two girls watched a movie in our bedroom to keep them occupied.  My wife said it was ok so long as they were quiet.

DIL then turned to the two girls and started to ask if them if they would be quiet while watching the tv in our bedroom.  I broke in at that point and said "No if they are watching tv in our bedroom (bedroom is right off the living room and noise carries very easily) then they WILL be quiet, it is not a choice"

I gave a stern look to both girls, then went into the bedroom and we did not hear a peep out of them.

DIL and husband (wife's son) are famous for constantly negotiating with their daughter.  She really rules them and most of the time I just keep my mouth shut.

I think you were fine. You weren't asking them to do something unreasonable, and its your house. So you get to make the rules. Thing A, watching a movie in your bedroom was contingent on thing B, the girls being quiet. It wasn't optional. And if your DIL was offended, oh well. so be it. Your house, your rules.

hermanne

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23316 on: September 06, 2013, 03:38:12 PM »
The school supplies going in a common pile would burn me, too. I'm glad that DD's list is broken down into 3 parts: personal (with a reminder to lable them), communal, and keep at home for homework.
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asb8

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23317 on: September 06, 2013, 05:53:59 PM »
As far as the white boards and markers for them, my DD has been using them since K (she is in 2nd now) for math.  Instead of practicing on paper where they erase alot and tear the paper and waste it they just use the white boards.  I think it is a great idea and the dollar store has the boards and markers.

So we've come full circle back to the days of using slates?  :)

Carotte

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23318 on: September 06, 2013, 06:21:49 PM »
As far as the white boards and markers for them, my DD has been using them since K (she is in 2nd now) for math.  Instead of practicing on paper where they erase alot and tear the paper and waste it they just use the white boards.  I think it is a great idea and the dollar store has the boards and markers.

So we've come full circle back to the days of using slates?  :)

Didn't kids always had those? I know I had the whiteboard/dry erase kind a good 18 years ago, and that my parents had the black board/chalk ones a good uh, 50+ years ago.
I remember that we used them for mental arithmetic, that way the teacher would ask us to put the board up and she could check the entire class without leaving her seat. Same for quick spelling test.

Jones

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23319 on: September 06, 2013, 07:00:49 PM »
We were still using the chalk ones 20ish years ago. My sibs got the white boards.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23320 on: September 06, 2013, 07:07:26 PM »
I was in the in between generation.  In 1st grade we used slates, I moved to a different school district in 2nd grade and never saw them again

TootsNYC

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23321 on: September 06, 2013, 07:30:08 PM »
I thought I might have offended my wife's daughter-in-law this past labor day weekend because of this kind of issue.

DIL daughter and her slightly older cousin (both are my wife's granddaughters) were downstairs while my wife and I were watching TV in the living room.  DIL came down from the upstairs and asked us if it was ok if the two girls watched a movie in our bedroom to keep them occupied.  My wife said it was ok so long as they were quiet.

DIL then turned to the two girls and started to ask if them if they would be quiet while watching the tv in our bedroom.  I broke in at that point and said "No if they are watching tv in our bedroom (bedroom is right off the living room and noise carries very easily) then they WILL be quiet, it is not a choice"

I gave a stern look to both girls, then they went into the bedroom and we did not hear a peep out of them.

DIL and husband (wife's son) are famous for constantly negotiating with their daughter.  She (the granddaughter) really rules them and most of the time I just keep my mouth shut.

Modified for clarity

If I were the, mom, I'd be royally pissed at you.

When I asked those kinds of questions about my daughter, what I was seeking was *her acknowledgment of* and *her agreement to* the conditions imposed. It gave me ammo for later, and for my own kid, it meant that she was much more likely to follow the rule, because she had *verbalized* her acquiesence.

Your interruption would have completely derailed that.

And the "stern look" before they have even misbehaved makes me flamingly angry. Children do not need to be scolded for things they haven't done!!  And I believe that treating them that way makes them *less* likely to follow the rules, and it destroys their willingness to accede to the authority of the grownups around them. Why follow the rules, if you're just going to get a dirty look before you even start?


Maybe the whole "negotiating" thing is getting out of hand in your family, but being bossy and prematurely punitive is not all that admirable.
« Last Edit: September 06, 2013, 07:32:21 PM by TootsNYC »

NyaChan

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23322 on: September 06, 2013, 07:49:49 PM »
I thought I might have offended my wife's daughter-in-law this past labor day weekend because of this kind of issue.

DIL daughter and her slightly older cousin (both are my wife's granddaughters) were downstairs while my wife and I were watching TV in the living room.  DIL came down from the upstairs and asked us if it was ok if the two girls watched a movie in our bedroom to keep them occupied.  My wife said it was ok so long as they were quiet.

DIL then turned to the two girls and started to ask if them if they would be quiet while watching the tv in our bedroom.  I broke in at that point and said "No if they are watching tv in our bedroom (bedroom is right off the living room and noise carries very easily) then they WILL be quiet, it is not a choice"

I gave a stern look to both girls, then they went into the bedroom and we did not hear a peep out of them.

DIL and husband (wife's son) are famous for constantly negotiating with their daughter.  She (the granddaughter) really rules them and most of the time I just keep my mouth shut.

Modified for clarity

If I were the, mom, I'd be royally pissed at you.

When I asked those kinds of questions about my daughter, what I was seeking was *her acknowledgment of* and *her agreement to* the conditions imposed. It gave me ammo for later, and for my own kid, it meant that she was much more likely to follow the rule, because she had *verbalized* her acquiesence.

Your interruption would have completely derailed that.

And the "stern look" before they have even misbehaved makes me flamingly angry. Children do not need to be scolded for things they haven't done!!  And I believe that treating them that way makes them *less* likely to follow the rules, and it destroys their willingness to accede to the authority of the grownups around them. Why follow the rules, if you're just going to get a dirty look before you even start?


Maybe the whole "negotiating" thing is getting out of hand in your family, but being bossy and prematurely punitive is not all that admirable.

I have to agree - the mom wasn't negotiating with the child.  It sounded more like she was making sure they understood the condition under which they'd be allowed to watch TV in the bedroom.

suzieQ

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23323 on: September 06, 2013, 08:01:20 PM »
And I know I've mentioned before, but some people add "okay?" to the end of a request as verbal short-hand for "do you hear and understand me" not "are you okay with this and if not that's fine too."

I've heard it put as "yes, ma'am?" instead of "okay?" and personally I like that better. Doesn't sound like a choice the kid has to make but an acknowledgement of "I heard and understand you."

Shea

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23324 on: September 06, 2013, 08:40:08 PM »
Years ago I used to subscribe to a blog written by a library student. (Once she got a job, she took it down.)  One of the sections allowed librarians to air grievances and one young whippersnapper let loose on "older" librarians, how selfish we were not to retire in our forties and let younger librarians move up the food chain and get promotions.

In partial defense of this sort of dingbattery, I'll note that "The current crop of librarians is about to retire and your future is assured!" has been heavily used as a recruiting tactic by some, possibly many, MLS programs for awhile now. It's certainly what they told me when I started working towards my MLS ten years ago, and I don't think it was new then. Anyone who wholeheartedly believes the assertions of any organization that is desperate for their money deserves what they get, but this attitude likely isn't something she came to completely on her own.

As an MLIS-holder only a year out of library school, I can attest that people were telling me that very thing. Guess who's still working as a library assistant, despite having applied to upwards of 40 librarian jobs :P? And it's not just me, something like half of the people I graduated with are unemployed, employed in a totally non-MLIS-related field, or like me, working in jobs they're overqualified for. It's hardly the fault of all the crusty old librarians stubbornly holding onto their jobs, it's that when said crusty old librarians retire, no one is hired to replace them, because the economy still sucks.

Ahem. Back to your regularly scheduled thread.


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