Author Topic: Special Snowflake Stories  (Read 5094056 times)

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snowdragon

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23340 on: September 07, 2013, 12:17:56 PM »
We had to explain this to the parents, who were still adamant at how advanced he was despite having just seen how ill-suited the whole thing was. I know all parents have a tendency to think their kid is the bees' knees, and that's usually charming, but this was ridiculous. We suggested a nursery class, which he still might be too little for, but it was better than a kindergarten class. Did they want to show off to their friends? Did they spy some sunlight shining out the edges of the kid's nappy? Or were they just clueless?

I don't know. But I'm amazed.
That they lied about the child's age proved they knew he was too young.
But I applaud you for trying. I once had a student ask if she could bring her son to class, her husband had unexpectedly been deployed. She promised me that the boy would sit quietly and I'd never even know he was there. I told her that university rules wouldn't permit it, but she was welcome to move a 2-person desk into the hall and so long as I was not distracted by his behavior, I would leave the classroom door open.
At the end of the 1.5 hour class, I was surprised to look over and see they were still there. I had completely forgotten about them! I would never have bet that a 3 year old could sit so quietly for so long, but she knew her kid. She sat beside him taking notes, and he sat and colored. I probably ought to make a note of her name, because with that sort of focus (and parenting) he's probably going to achieve something notable someday. :)


  I applaud you for not allowing it, no matter how quiet the kid was going to be he did not pay for the class, so he did not belong there. I have to say I resent my classmates who bring their kids ( birth to about 12) to graduate level classes.  It changes the atmosphere of the class, the things we are able to discuss and takes away from the freedom we feel to use certain language when discussing some topics.  It's even worse when said parent expects the kid to be able to use class resources - everything from art supplies to computers- and participate in class discussions/assignments - I paid for a graduate level class not a 7th grade ( t best!) one.  and if the kid HAS to participate, the person shorted should be the parent not everyone in class.

snowdragon

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23341 on: September 07, 2013, 12:25:38 PM »
We made an appointment for some guy to come cut down our crab apple tree, for MONDAY. He showed up this morning at 8:45. Refused to come back Monday and insisted that I had to move my car. I was not even awake yet! Personally, if you make an appointment - you keep the appointment but don't come 48 hours early and expect people to roll over for you.
   I am seriously unamused - even more unamused because the less than 5 minutes it took me to get dressed was "far too long for him to have to wait" and I should have "allowed him to move my car" yeah, not happening I can't trust you to keep an appointment but I should trust you with my car keys?

RingTailedLemur

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23342 on: September 07, 2013, 12:54:28 PM »
WOW!  That takes some nerve!

Jocelyn

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23343 on: September 07, 2013, 03:12:22 PM »


  I applaud you for not allowing it, no matter how quiet the kid was going to be he did not pay for the class, so he did not belong there. I have to say I resent my classmates who bring their kids ( birth to about 12) to graduate level classes.  It changes the atmosphere of the class, the things we are able to discuss and takes away from the freedom we feel to use certain language when discussing some topics.  It's even worse when said parent expects the kid to be able to use class resources - everything from art supplies to computers- and participate in class discussions/assignments - I paid for a graduate level class not a 7th grade ( t best!) one.  and if the kid HAS to participate, the person shorted should be the parent not everyone in class.
I teach social work. While this was a research class, sometimes the best example I can think of involves child welfare...and I don't think any child should be subjected to a discussion of how other people mistreat their kids. So in general, I don't want kids in my classes, with the possible exception of teens who are there as a sort of pre-admission tour. I can watch my language (indeed, uttering a 'bad word' is the quickest way to get my students' undivided attention  >:D ) and I figure any teen who wants to come see what a social work class is like probably needs the career encouragement. But I would expect them to hold their questions until after class, just from the fear that they'd ask something inappropriate, or at the very least, something best asked in private. I mean, if I'm presenting a case about sexual abuse, I don't want to have to explain exactly what happened.  ::)

Moralia

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23344 on: September 07, 2013, 03:17:04 PM »
I thought I might have offended my wife's daughter-in-law this past labor day weekend because of this kind of issue.

DIL daughter and her slightly older cousin (both are my wife's granddaughters) were downstairs while my wife and I were watching TV in the living room.  DIL came down from the upstairs and asked us if it was ok if the two girls watched a movie in our bedroom to keep them occupied.  My wife said it was ok so long as they were quiet.

DIL then turned to the two girls and started to ask if them if they would be quiet while watching the tv in our bedroom.  I broke in at that point and said "No if they are watching tv in our bedroom (bedroom is right off the living room and noise carries very easily) then they WILL be quiet, it is not a choice"

I gave a stern look to both girls, then they went into the bedroom and we did not hear a peep out of them.

DIL and husband (wife's son) are famous for constantly negotiating with their daughter.  She (the granddaughter) really rules them and most of the time I just keep my mouth shut.

Modified for clarity

If I were the, mom, I'd be royally pissed at you.

When I asked those kinds of questions about my daughter, what I was seeking was *her acknowledgment of* and *her agreement to* the conditions imposed. It gave me ammo for later, and for my own kid, it meant that she was much more likely to follow the rule, because she had *verbalized* her acquiesence.

Your interruption would have completely derailed that.

And the "stern look" before they have even misbehaved makes me flamingly angry. Children do not need to be scolded for things they haven't done!!  And I believe that treating them that way makes them *less* likely to follow the rules, and it destroys their willingness to accede to the authority of the grownups around them. Why follow the rules, if you're just going to get a dirty look before you even start?


Maybe the whole "negotiating" thing is getting out of hand in your family, but being bossy and prematurely punitive is not all that admirable.

I have to agree - the mom wasn't negotiating with the child.  It sounded more like she was making sure they understood the condition under which they'd be allowed to watch TV in the bedroom.

Well there is a lot of background to go with this I had left out.  first off, my wife and I had just been ready to go into the bedroom to tell the girls to quiet down.

Secondly, asking questions can be a valid way of teaching a child, however in this case, as I mentioned both parents have consistently always asked their daughter to behave.  It's always, "are you ready to go to bed? Can you do stop yelling? I have seen and heard them beg and plead with their daughter to behave as daughter starts to throw a tantrum. Daughter has learned all she has to do is to fuss, and she'll get what she wants. 

They try to control her by bribing her which has never worked.

"You don't want the sandwhich you told me (not asked, but told) to make for you??  If you eat it, I'll let you have some cookies."

"Ok here are the cookies, now please eat your sandwhich.  Oh, you don't want a peanut butter sandwhich anymore, you want tuna fish, ok."

That plus the fact her daughter has one volume for her voice, and that's to shout everything
Even without the further background, I don't see a problem. If it weren't in the poster's house, it would have been out of line. But in this case, the girls were in his house and he made it clear that their being allowed to watch TV in that room was contingent on good behavior. 
As for stern looks, well I have an excellent hairy eyeball that inspires good behavior in usually rowdy children, even though I've never once raised my voice or otherwise disciplined them.  Nothing wrong with stern looks.

Mental Magpie

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23345 on: September 07, 2013, 03:21:37 PM »
I'm with Moralia.  My stern look just says "There is no room to negotiate."  Hell, my dogs even know what it means.  I don't even have to say anything to them sometimes and their ears go down; they know I mean business.

Further, this is the OP's house and bedroom.  He doesn't have to negotiate.  The mother was clearly trying to and he doesn't have to stand for that in his house.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Adelaide

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23346 on: September 07, 2013, 08:47:47 PM »
The office in my apartment complex lets us pick up packages from 4 p.m. to 10 p.m., when the office closes. (Priority/urgent and perishable packages can be picked up at any time.) I was in the lobby when a tenant had this exchange with one of the managers.

Tenant: I need to pick up a package.

Manger: Sorry, pickup is from 4 to 10 only, it isn't 4 yet.

Tenant: Oh. It isn't? (It's 3:50.) Why can we only pick up packages from 4 to 10?

Manager: We only have a Community Assistant (student worker who lives in the building) here at those times during the year, and the managers are too busy with their work to handle it.

Tenant: I don't like that.

Manager: Sorry, we just have other things that have to take priority and we're too busy.

Tenant: I feel like that's part of your office duties. Like you should have to give us our packages when we ask for them.

Manager: *visibly annoyed, but with a polite tone* No, I'm the building manager here, it's definitely not in my job description.

Tenant: Yeah, but-

Manger: Have a good day, sir.

wonderfullyanonymous

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23347 on: September 07, 2013, 10:50:37 PM »
I'm with Moralia.  My stern look just says "There is no room to negotiate."  Hell, my dogs even know what it means.  I don't even have to say anything to them sometimes and their ears go down; they know I mean business.

Further, this is the OP's house and bedroom.  He doesn't have to negotiate.  The mother was clearly trying to and he doesn't have to stand for that in his house.

I agree. In my house, it might be, yes you can go watch TV , but behave yourself. In someone elses home it, You sit and watch TV, period, there is no messing around.  My kids got this. Yeah, they did challenge things, and they were punished for it, right away. After dinner one night, at my moms, we were still geting cleaned up. YDS, asked to go in the pool. He was told no, to wait a bit until there could be someone to keep and eye on him, and everything was cleaned up. He didn't like that answer, and ran and jumped in. He was not happy when he had to sit out when everyone else was in the pool. He never did that again.

zyrs

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23348 on: September 08, 2013, 01:54:47 AM »
I don't know if these were special snowflake parents or just weird...

Among other things, I teach a literacy class for four year olds. Some are five, some not quite four, but it works. New students are always welcome, and we get a new one every week or so. It's a class for kids whose reading is anywhere from non-existant to at grade level with maybe a few holes or poor spelling. Age usually isn't a problem.

However, it should go unspoken that a kid can't join the class if they aren't old enough to, say, walk. As of today, I'm having to rethink this assumption. We got a call from a parent a while ago who wanted his son to join the class. He said the son was two and a half, which is young, but still feasible. I made it clear that there would be tracing letters involved and that the child would have to sit down for a whole hour, which a lot of kids can't do at that age, but he assured me that his son was very advanced and all the rest of it. He was quite adamant that his son would cope fine.

Turns out the kid is 18 months old... next month. And he's not Mozart or anyone, just a normal, cute, baby. Who can't quite walk well on his own--he was falling every twenty steps or so. He couldn't engage in a conversation because, well, he's a baby. His vocabulary is too small. And of course he couldn't trace letters or colour inside lines--as is perfectly normal for a kid his age. His motor skills aren't up to it, and won't be until he's older.

We had to explain this to the parents, who were still adamant at how advanced he was despite having just seen how ill-suited the whole thing was. I know all parents have a tendency to think their kid is the bees' knees, and that's usually charming, but this was ridiculous. We suggested a nursery class, which he still might be too little for, but it was better than a kindergarten class. Did they want to show off to their friends? Did they spy some sunlight shining out the edges of the kid's nappy? Or were they just clueless?

I don't know. But I'm amazed.

I nkow the child was too young for the class, but a part of my mind went to  Michigan J. Frog and now I have an earworm.

weeblewobble

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23349 on: September 08, 2013, 09:48:56 AM »
I submit the SS "Everyone notice how CULTURED we are!" Family at the symphony last night.  Last night, my husband and I attended a symphony performance we'd been looking forward to for months.  When we walked in, we noticed a set of parents with a four-ish year old boy, two-ish year old girl and an infant so tiny he couldn't have been more than six weeks. The mom was telling anyone who would listen that the four year old just loved the featured composer and DEMANDED that the family spend the evening at the symphony, so what could they do but bend to his need for classical music education? The Dad just stood there and nodded.

As soon as the symphony keyed up, so did the baby, SCREAMING his way through most of the first piece.  The ushers finally asked the mother to step out of the hall, but we could hear her huffing, "I'm here so my CHILDREN can experience this music.  Isn't that what the symphony is all about?" over the music and we were sitting a balcony level away.

At intermission, I heard the mother coaching the son while speaking to other attendants, "Wasn't the violin concerto just WONDERFUL, son?  Wasn't the adagio well-executed?  What did you think of the melodic theme?"  While the son blinked sleepily and nodded his head because it was 8:30 and probably past his bedtime.

During the last piece, the piece I was really looking forward to, we could hear the two year old begging, "Can we just GO?  I wanna GO!  I don't want to be here anymore!"  As we were leaving, the mother was bragging about how very advanced her children were and how she would do anything to meet their very advanced needs, that they were so much more cultured than the average family because her father was a professor at such and such college.

The thing is, the symphony has a children's program where they have a smaller scale performance and the conductor gives explanations of the instruments, the musical pieces, the composers' life, musical theory, etc., at their level. The kids probably would have gotten so much more out of that performance than last night's concert.  But I get the feeling the mom just wanted everyone to know how very advanced and cultured her children were.

« Last Edit: September 08, 2013, 10:36:38 AM by weeblewobble »

Pen^2

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23350 on: September 08, 2013, 10:18:37 AM »
Wow weeblewobble... I'm so glad the ushers did the right thing and removed the family when the baby started crying. Although by the sound of how loud they were throughout the rest of the performance, it should have been made a more permanent removal.

zyrs--hahaha! I'd forgotten about that weird frog! As a child I could never figure out what was up with him.

Thipu1

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23351 on: September 08, 2013, 11:15:30 AM »
I detest culture snobs and ran into them all the time at work. 

It was assumed by many visitors that, if you didn't have an MFA, you couldn't posssibly know anything about art or culture.  If you weren't a working artist, you had no right to have an opinion about art. 

It drove me nuts. 

norrina

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23352 on: September 08, 2013, 11:37:42 AM »
My parents used to take all three of us children to the symphony when we were little. When I was born they were living in a big city with free symphony performances, and I am told they would bundle me up and I would sleep peacefully while they enjoyed the music. We moved to a small town in a small state when I was a toddler, and the options for symphony were much more limited there. They would buy us season family passes though, and off we would all go. I do recall some occasions where mom or dad would take one of my siblings out when they got antsy, but I know that my youngest brother truly did love the symphony, even as young as 4. My parents played a lot of classical music at home, and when youngest brother heard a violin he would go get a frying pan and chopstick, and play along. Mom and dad would get to the symphony early so that we could sit in the front row (no assigned seats), and DYB was simply enthralled by the string section. Over the years, he got to meet many of the strings players, and was simply delighted. He started violin lessons at 4 y.o. and now has a full-time career in another field but plays professionally part-time. And quite honestly, I still have to fight not to dose off during his con reports; classical never really became my thing, but by golly if I don't know how to sit quietly through a performance!



Hazmat

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23353 on: September 08, 2013, 12:37:24 PM »
As far as the white boards and markers for them, my DD has been using them since K (she is in 2nd now) for math.  Instead of practicing on paper where they erase alot and tear the paper and waste it they just use the white boards.  I think it is a great idea and the dollar store has the boards and markers.

So we've come full circle back to the days of using slates?  :)

Didn't kids always had those? I know I had the whiteboard/dry erase kind a good 18 years ago, and that my parents had the black board/chalk ones a good uh, 50+ years ago.
I remember that we used them for mental arithmetic, that way the teacher would ask us to put the board up and she could check the entire class without leaving her seat. Same for quick spelling test.

I never had a slate or a whiteboard in school, late 70s - early 90s.

In school from 1962 through 1975 (not counting college). We never had slates or white boards either.
In school from 1966 through 1979.  Never had either.  I had a green chalkboard on wheels that I used to work math problems my Dad would come up with.
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Jocelyn

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23354 on: September 08, 2013, 01:27:11 PM »
  My parents played a lot of classical music at home, and when youngest brother heard a violin he would go get a frying pan and chopstick, and play along. Mom and dad would get to the symphony early so that we could sit in the front row (no assigned seats), and DYB was simply enthralled by the string section. 
Your first sentence is the key. If a child doesn't listen attentively to recorded music at home, or when someone is playing, then they shouldn't go to a symphony. There certainly are children who adore live music, and later, we tend to call them 'musicians'.  ::) In my home town, there was a woman who taught Suzuki, who observed that her son had a tremendous desire to play the violin. She had some serious connections in the music world, and her son got to meet a lot of musicians. He remembers meeting Aaron Copeland when he was still young enough that Copeland picked him up and sat him on his lap, and inquired what he wanted to do when he grew up. Brian told him, 'I want to play 'Rodeo' in concerts.' Of course this got a huge laugh from Copeland and the other adults!
When Brian was 12, he entered the school talent contest, and my mother was one of the judges. (Someone thought that having the science teacher as a judge would be more objective.  ::) ) When he came out on stage, her heart sank; she figured the audience was going to hoot him and his violin off the stage. Brian played 'Rodeo'. At the end of the piece, the students were clapping and stomping along, so much that Brian just paused a second, and started over again. Mom said that at that minute, she knew that Brian was already a professional musician- he'd known his audience and gave them what they wanted. For many years (and even now, so far as I know), 'Rodeo' was Brian's encore piece.