Author Topic: Special Snowflake Stories  (Read 5748317 times)

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TeamBhakta

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25425 on: February 09, 2014, 11:26:15 PM »
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Too many could mean 1 out of a million. Frankly, I don't think that this behavior is something we want to encourage more of. Would it be acceptable if women like a man after 2 dates because he spent a lot of money (although I've not known women who've issued that 'compliment' to a date). I don't think it's a compliment for either gender to say, 'Hey, you turn me on, and I'm willing to overlook who you are as a person, and how you're unique, for the sake of focusing on what turns me on.'

I think it's reading too much into a date's intentions to assume "You looked pretty" = "I'm willing to overlook who you are as a person." Especially after only 2 dates and (presumably) one compliment

Iris

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25426 on: February 10, 2014, 12:14:06 AM »
Quote
Too many could mean 1 out of a million. Frankly, I don't think that this behavior is something we want to encourage more of. Would it be acceptable if women like a man after 2 dates because he spent a lot of money (although I've not known women who've issued that 'compliment' to a date). I don't think it's a compliment for either gender to say, 'Hey, you turn me on, and I'm willing to overlook who you are as a person, and how you're unique, for the sake of focusing on what turns me on.'

I think it's reading too much into a date's intentions to assume "You looked pretty" = "I'm willing to overlook who you are as a person." Especially after only 2 dates and (presumably) one compliment

Meh. If after spending two evenings with me the only positive things someone could find to compliment me on were based on physical attraction I'd lose interest too. This woman is overtly looking for a relationship that is NOT based on physical attraction and I think that's fine - after all, it's her life.

Having said that I think she could have done it better. Something like saying "I really enjoyed discussing XYZ with you" and seeing if he runs with it would be a more subtle way to find out if he is attracted to her more than physically. Then again, that's less honest and I've been told guys don't like it when girls are not straightforward.
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Twik

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25427 on: February 10, 2014, 12:44:53 AM »
Agree she shouldn't have asked for a compliment and get so snippy about it. No doubt the guy was trying to be nice.

However, I don't think it's SS either, to hope that your date likes something more than your physical appearance. Lots of ways to compliment that would have indicated this - I had such a great time, I really enjoyed talking with you, stuff like that.

Sounds like they weren't a good match for each other.

I think this is what the word "charming" is made for. It can cover both physical and personal attractiveness.
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iridaceae

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25428 on: February 10, 2014, 04:57:48 AM »
So, the writer dislikes traditional compliments but expects him to pick up the bill?

I noticed that too. Why can't she go Dutch or pick up a check? Too non-traditional?

Thipu1

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25429 on: February 10, 2014, 06:19:33 AM »
The SS author of this article went on a second date with a guy. He sent her an email the next day complimenting her looks. The author took offense and asked "By the way, I'm wondering if anything I said interested you? In other words, is there something about me that's not physical that you enjoy?" As you can guess, Miss SS has not received a reply from him since

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/167923/why_complimenting_me_on_a
I don't think this is necessarily SS. Although asking for a compliment isn't exactly polite, I think that too many men DO  assume that liking a woman as a person is optional, so long as she's visually
appealing to him. If all a guy wants to tell you is that you're HAWT, why not ask him if there's anything non-physical that he likes?

 I'd find a bit odd if, After a second date, the guy complimented me on my 'incisive analysis of the European monetary situation' or some such. 

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25430 on: February 10, 2014, 08:14:41 AM »
True, but a comment such as "I enjoyed our conversations" would suffice.
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Psychopoesie

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25431 on: February 10, 2014, 08:45:36 AM »
True, but a comment such as "I enjoyed our conversations" would suffice.

Exactly.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25432 on: February 10, 2014, 09:10:28 AM »
And this is why I don't wish to go back into the dating world ever again. The carryover of everyone's baggage makes for muddy waters.  Could be this guy praised his last date/gf for her intelligence and she was insulted he didn't notice the effort she put into looking good. 
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wolfie

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25433 on: February 10, 2014, 09:29:23 AM »
And this is why I don't wish to go back into the dating world ever again. The carryover of everyone's baggage makes for muddy waters.  Could be this guy praised his last date/gf for her intelligence and she was insulted he didn't notice the effort she put into looking good.

Which is the opposite side of the same problem - only complimenting one thing! Most of us want to be loved for the entirety of who we are - not just some pieces. We want to be complimented on our looks, personality, intelligence and abilties. Focusing on only one are (and it doesn't matter which, although the physical is probably the one that gets noticed the fastest) makes you wonder if the other person cares about you as a person or only about have X quality on their arm.

Bexx27

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25434 on: February 10, 2014, 09:46:39 AM »
I don't see how Second Date lady was a SS. A bit rude, yes, but not all rudeness is Snowflakery. I understand her frustration with men who seem to like her only for her looks, but there are better ways of expressing that she is looking for a connection that goes beyond physical attraction.
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bopper

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25435 on: February 10, 2014, 11:03:47 AM »


*I asked my soon-to-be 18 yo son if he minded taking me to Sam's Club as I only needed one thing. After I put my tenth item in the cart, he mildly protested with "I thought you said you were only getting one thing?" I replied, deadpan, "When a woman tells you she's only picking up one thing, she is ALWAYS lying." We both laughed.  ;D And yes I know men are equally guilty of that.
"
What my daughter did when I was going to Costco (same as Sam's Club) for "just one thing " was to forbid me from using a cart. You don't need a cart, Mom, if you were getting just one thing!  So I was limited to what I could carry. :-)

Carotte

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25436 on: February 10, 2014, 12:49:19 PM »


*I asked my soon-to-be 18 yo son if he minded taking me to Sam's Club as I only needed one thing. After I put my tenth item in the cart, he mildly protested with "I thought you said you were only getting one thing?" I replied, deadpan, "When a woman tells you she's only picking up one thing, she is ALWAYS lying." We both laughed.  ;D And yes I know men are equally guilty of that.
"
What my daughter did when I was going to Costco (same as Sam's Club) for "just one thing " was to forbid me from using a cart. You don't need a cart, Mom, if you were getting just one thing!  So I was limited to what I could carry. :-)

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TeamBhakta

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25437 on: February 10, 2014, 12:56:13 PM »
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Which is the opposite side of the same problem - only complimenting one thing! Most of us want to be loved for the entirety of who we are - not just some pieces. We want to be complimented on our looks, personality, intelligence and abilties. Focusing on only one are (and it doesn't matter which, although the physical is probably the one that gets noticed the fastest) makes you wonder if the other person cares about you as a person or only about have X quality on their arm.

I can't imagine expecting a guy I'd only been on 2 dates with to "love" me or "care" about me (beyond "I care to open a door for you" & "I care if you trip"), let alone love all aspects of me. And this is coming from someone who was told on the second date with a now fiance "I want to marry you." I had seen some d_ting article the other day, along the lines of "Just breath on the first few dates with someone. Get to know them. Don't mentally turn it into 'Am I going to marry you ? When will we turn exclusive ?' " and it really rings true.   

MommyPenguin

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25438 on: February 10, 2014, 01:15:47 PM »
And this is why I don't wish to go back into the dating world ever again. The carryover of everyone's baggage makes for muddy waters.  Could be this guy praised his last date/gf for her intelligence and she was insulted he didn't notice the effort she put into looking good.

Which is the opposite side of the same problem - only complimenting one thing! Most of us want to be loved for the entirety of who we are - not just some pieces. We want to be complimented on our looks, personality, intelligence and abilties. Focusing on only one are (and it doesn't matter which, although the physical is probably the one that gets noticed the fastest) makes you wonder if the other person cares about you as a person or only about have X quality on their arm.

I think the problem here is that it was after two dates, and it sounded like it was basically a short email to say "I enjoyed my time with you."  If he'd said, "I really like your hair, your smile, the way you talk, your intelligence, how creative you seem to be, and our conversation," it just gets to be a bit much and might come across as creepy.  Honestly I don't think people should be talking about smell quite so soon in a relationship, though.  I think that remarking on somebody's smell is a bit intimate and should be something reserved for later, once a solid relationship is established.

KenveeB

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25439 on: February 10, 2014, 01:50:38 PM »


*I asked my soon-to-be 18 yo son if he minded taking me to Sam's Club as I only needed one thing. After I put my tenth item in the cart, he mildly protested with "I thought you said you were only getting one thing?" I replied, deadpan, "When a woman tells you she's only picking up one thing, she is ALWAYS lying." We both laughed.  ;D And yes I know men are equally guilty of that.
"
What my daughter did when I was going to Costco (same as Sam's Club) for "just one thing " was to forbid me from using a cart. You don't need a cart, Mom, if you were getting just one thing!  So I was limited to what I could carry. :-)

Unfortunately my "just one thing" (well, two or three things) at Costco is dog food. Gotta have the cart for that. I'm pretty good at grabbing my couple of bags of dog food and making a beeline for the door, but sometimes I get distracted. :)