Author Topic: Lent Etiquette  (Read 20928 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Winterlight

  • On the internet, no one can tell you're a dog- arf.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9803
Re: Lent Etiquette
« Reply #30 on: March 02, 2009, 10:32:36 AM »
My very Catholic housemates say that Sunday doesn't count toward Lent- it's six weeks of six days, beginning on Ash Wednesday. Therefore, they might be allowed the candy then. However, I'd ask the dad how he would prefer to handle it.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

JocelynCS

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1362
  • Mom of 3 fluffies!
Re: Lent Etiquette
« Reply #31 on: March 02, 2009, 11:56:09 AM »
As a former Catholic, I wouldn't ask someone what they are giving up for Lent, but most people will be comfortable volunteering, and won't be offended if you inadvertantly offer what they've given up.

Once you know, however, I'd definitely advise holding back until Lent is over, because as others have said, it's harder for the kids to stick with their resolve than adults.  You might ask Dad if he minds if you keep a box for the kids which you will turn over to him or them after Lent, or suggest giving the goodies directly to him to dispense once the season is over.

I used to bring donuts to a morning study session at law school, until a classmate gave them up for Lent.  (Gee, no wonder I gained so much weight in law school!)  So we switched to muffins and bagels for a few weeks so she could have breakfast too.

Evil Duckie

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3962
  • This is not the duck you are looking for
    • My dragon scroll
Re: Lent Etiquette
« Reply #32 on: March 04, 2009, 10:18:30 AM »
I do not usually tell people what I am giving up for lent. I will just try to avoid it if possible. If asked I will mention it but tell them not to worry because I am fine if they have have it. It was my decision not theirs so it is not something they have to worry about.

If I am in a situation where it would be rude not to take some then I would take as little as possible and then eat as little of it as possible. That way I am not rude.

Twik

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 28466
Re: Lent Etiquette
« Reply #33 on: March 09, 2009, 02:23:19 PM »
My very Catholic housemates say that Sunday doesn't count toward Lent- it's six weeks of six days, beginning on Ash Wednesday. Therefore, they might be allowed the candy then. However, I'd ask the dad how he would prefer to handle it.

Nope, Sundays don't count for Lent. However, I agree that it's up to Dad how he wants to deal with the situation.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Hushabye

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7640
Re: Lent Etiquette
« Reply #34 on: March 11, 2009, 12:12:09 PM »
"What are you giving up for Lent?"

"Answering nosy questions."   >:D

 ;D

I've always wondered if it's rude or disrespectful to give up something for Lent when one isn't even of a faith that observes it.   On the one hand, I never tell anyone anyway, so nobody knows.  And, I suppose if G_d is offended, well, he'll deal with me later.

gui

Gui - I've actually wondered the same thing. I've come to a point in my life where I've become strong enough to admit that I am not of that faith, but I still observe lent as sort of an exercise in self control, or to cleanse myself of all those sweets i eat that I don't really need. But when I say I've "given up sweets" I either get the "but you're not _______" from those who know I follow a different path or, "Oh, you must be observing Lent" from people who do not know. I don't correct anyone, but I've always wondered if my observing lent was iffy from a practitioner's POV.

Well, I won't lie, I'm about as lapsed as a Catholic can be, but I don't have a problem with other people giving something up at the same time as Lent.  It really is a good time (if you're in an area with a lot of people who observe Lent) to work on your self-control without a lot of outside guilt and pushiness.  Look at it this way, you're giving up all the stuff I should be giving up this time of year!

pollymel

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 95
Re: Lent Etiquette
« Reply #35 on: March 23, 2009, 01:22:56 AM »
My mother is working on giving up intolerance for Lent, apparently it's quite difficult at her work (she works at a major reference library) but figures if it were easy, it wouldn't be a sacrifice. 

M-theory

  • cybernetic loving
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7303
Re: Lent Etiquette
« Reply #36 on: March 23, 2009, 03:13:31 PM »
My mother is working on giving up intolerance for Lent, apparently it's quite difficult at her work (she works at a major reference library) but figures if it were easy, it wouldn't be a sacrifice. 

In a library? Great, she'll qualify for sainthood when Lent is over.

MissRose

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2928
Re: Lent Etiquette
« Reply #37 on: February 17, 2010, 06:30:42 AM »
I believe that is true.

I did intentionally tell my mother one time that wasn't true when she was telling me I should give up crisps/chips and chocolates for more than just Lent to lose weight.  She wasn't too happy when she was informed differently.

I won't buy my sister's kids any candy now til Easter.  They are old enough to be taught to go without a treat like candy for a few weeks, and as their Godmother I will set a good example, and have no candy myself til Easter.

My very Catholic housemates say that Sunday doesn't count toward Lent- it's six weeks of six days, beginning on Ash Wednesday. Therefore, they might be allowed the candy then. However, I'd ask the dad how he would prefer to handle it.

Mahdoumi

  • Guest
Re: Lent Etiquette
« Reply #38 on: February 17, 2010, 11:03:34 AM »
Sort of OT:  Chocolate is the standard "sacrifice" in this house during Lent.  So, here I am home with toddler, completely forgetting it's Ash Wednesday, with the two of us stuffing our faces with Valentine's Day chocolate!  Wish I had seen this thread earlier!  lol!

IMHO, a gift is a gift.  If the family decides to wait until Easter Sunday to enjoy the candy, that's a personal choice.  The kids, in fact, may appreciate your gift even more!

DannysGirl

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 109
  • Keeper of Jedi Holocrons
Re: Lent Etiquette
« Reply #39 on: March 07, 2010, 10:13:09 AM »
     I am a Methodist married to a Catholic.  I follow Lent because I want to convert to my husband's faith.  It is also simpler to prepare one meal on Fridays rather than meatless for him, and meat for me.  I don't want to send mixed messages to our son.  Am I being disrespectful of those who are required to follow Lent?
     What do I do about visits to my parents?  It seems we always visit at least once during Lent.  DH gets embarressed if I remind my parents about his restriction(s).  How should I handle this?

Thank you for starting this thread!



MaggieB

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1979
Re: Lent Etiquette
« Reply #40 on: March 07, 2010, 10:50:34 AM »
     I am a Methodist married to a Catholic.  I follow Lent because I want to convert to my husband's faith.  It is also simpler to prepare one meal on Fridays rather than meatless for him, and meat for me.  I don't want to send mixed messages to our son.  Am I being disrespectful of those who are required to follow Lent?
     What do I do about visits to my parents?  It seems we always visit at least once during Lent.  DH gets embarressed if I remind my parents about his restriction(s).  How should I handle this?

Thank you for starting this thread!


I'm a little confused about your question.   (Hey, it's 7:30 am and I have been up awhile.  ;) )

You and your husband are both observing Lent this season.  He is doing it because, as a Catholic, he always has, and you are doing it partly in solidarity with him and partly because you are interested in converting to Catholicism?  I think that's wonderful.  I know many non-Catholics who observe Lent.  In my experience (limited as it is) I see a lot of other denominations adopting Lent, at least in some capacity.  There's nothing disrespectful about anyone following this tradition.  Lent is just a season of fasting in preparation for Easter.  You don't have to be Catholic to get something out of that.

As for your parents:  are you guys eating meat on Sundays?  You could try to schedule a meal together then.  Or you could invite your inlaws over to your house for a hearty pasta dish.  I wouldn't keep reminding your parents of his restrictions if it embarrasses him, though.  It might be that for your husband part of the "fasting" is that there are times when he will be deprived.  Some people think that their Lenten sacrifices are really personal and they don't discuss it with anyone - they prefer to just quietly deprive themselves.  I know that has the potential for a little awkwardness if he's not eating the main dish, but as long as he graciously fills up on sides it should be fine.

MDefarge

  • Formerly known as Irishone
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5875
Re: Lent Etiquette
« Reply #41 on: March 07, 2010, 11:17:53 AM »
     I am a Methodist married to a Catholic.  I follow Lent because I want to convert to my husband's faith.  It is also simpler to prepare one meal on Fridays rather than meatless for him, and meat for me.  I don't want to send mixed messages to our son.  Am I being disrespectful of those who are required to follow Lent?
     What do I do about visits to my parents?  It seems we always visit at least once during Lent.  DH gets embarressed if I remind my parents about his restriction(s).  How should I handle this?

Thank you for starting this thread!


It's perfectly ok for Methodists to follow Lent, even if it is not strictly traditional(in the sense you are referring to.) In recent years my parents church (United Methodist) got a new pastor and he introduced the idea of giving up something for Lent, I know a number of  parishioners have done so, my parents included.  You are correct that Methodists don't do meatless Friday's, but that doesn't mean it is *wrong* or in *any way* disrespectful to do so - I actually think its great that you want to, both because it is good practice for when you convert and to keep your husband "company" (and yeah making 2 meals would be a pain.) 

Re - visiting your parents - I'd just casually mention to whichever parent plans the menu that "oh just so you know, Lent has started, so we're meatless on Fridays"  Or if DH is *really* uncomfortable with you mentioning it, I'd visit them on a Saturday or other day.

DannysGirl

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 109
  • Keeper of Jedi Holocrons
Re: Lent Etiquette
« Reply #42 on: March 07, 2010, 06:31:07 PM »
Thank you for your answers and suggestions, MaggieB and MDeFarge!  Until I read this thread, I had no idea some people kept what they were doing for Lent private.  I thought my DH was embarrassed for me to mention it to my folks, because he didn't want to impose.  I appreciate the new perspective. The next time our visit includes a Friday, I thought I might suggest a restaurant that has a variety of foods.  That way, we can eat meatless, and my family can eat meat.  That way, I avoid embarrassing my husband.  I am also happy to know that my following Lent doesn't offend my fellow E-Hellions!



Xallanthia

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5371
Re: Lent Etiquette
« Reply #43 on: March 24, 2010, 04:45:17 AM »
Thank you for your answers and suggestions, MaggieB and MDeFarge!  Until I read this thread, I had no idea some people kept what they were doing for Lent private.  I thought my DH was embarrassed for me to mention it to my folks, because he didn't want to impose.  I appreciate the new perspective. The next time our visit includes a Friday, I thought I might suggest a restaurant that has a variety of foods.  That way, we can eat meatless, and my family can eat meat.  That way, I avoid embarrassing my husband.  I am also happy to know that my following Lent doesn't offend my fellow E-Hellions!

This is perfect; I follow a very strict diet during Lent so I'm always suggesting Indian food... they always have something I can eat.

BeagleMommy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3116
Re: Lent Etiquette
« Reply #44 on: March 24, 2010, 11:55:18 AM »
Because I had so many restrictions on my diet when I was little, my mom used to have me do something "self-improvement" for Lent.  Maybe I gave part of my allowance to the Church or did some volunteer work at the local hospital.

My uncle gives up decadent desserts (but chocolate pudding and regular cookies don't count as decadent).  ;D

OP, I agree with the consensus that asking the dad about giving candy during Lent is enough.