Put the following on a clean table:
A big jar of peanut butter, make sure it is the cheapest creamy peanut butter you can find. This is not the time for organic food.
A bag of powdered sugar
A bottle of vanilla extract
A measuring cup
A spoon of some sort
A stick /110 g. butter, preferably soft.
A strainer (not one of those things with the wide slots used for noodles)
A flat something that you can put into the fridge. Or many flat somethings.
Next to the stove:
A double boiler or a large pot with a metal bowl nested inside it with water in the pot (not the bowl)
Paraffin or vegetable shortening (solid)
A knife, chopstick, toothpick, or screwdriver if there is nothing else.
Remember you need a huge mixing bowl, so put the small one that you took out back and pull out the big bowl before sifting a hair less than 500 g sugar/4 cups into a huge mixing bowl. Find a plate large enough to cover the top of the strainer or whatever you are using to sift and shake the sifting thing without breaking the plate. After there is some room in the sifter, do up and down circular movements. Keep going until all the sugar is in the mixing bowl.
Go wash your hands again.
Add some vanilla. Add just a few hairs under the amount you would take of cough syrup to the sugar. Put in the butter. If the butter is very cold, cut it into smaller chunks.
Measure out two cups (about half the volume of the sugar you just sifted) of peanut butter into the mixing bowl. Make sure your hands are clean.
Shove your hands into the mixing bowl and mix and mix and mix.
You now have three options: Roll little balls out onto the thing to go into the fridge, smoosh down the dough into a pan, or give up and eat it as it is. If you use option 2, don't grease the pan.
If you took the third option, take something to sooth your tummy. For the first two options, after you have either rolled all the dough into little balls (at least the size of your last thumb segment, but round) or smooshed it into the pan, put it into the fridge and go wash your hands again. And again. Cheap peanut butter grease will not leave your hands ever. Do not shake hands with the peanut allergic.
When the dough is chilled through, heat the water and melt a bunch of chocolate. As long as you have enough, you have the right amount - you can never have too much. Add just enough paraffin to make it smooth. Unless, of course, you are using some kind of cheap milk chocolate, since that's mostly wax, anyway. Do not allow the melted chocolate to get any steam or wet into it. This means do not lift the bowl to see if the water is boiling. You don't want to risk water getting into the bowl. I mean it.
For the first option, stab the balls and dip them into the chocolate and put them back where you found them. Take no more than 6-10 few out of the fridge at a time unless it is really cold in your kitchen. If you want to, smooth over the stab marks. Repeat until you are out of balls. Make sure all balls are in the fridge.
If you are doing the bars, just pour the chocolate out on top of the pan (you did use a pan with high sides, right?). There should be about a quarter cm to a quarter inch of chocolate here, depending on how much chocolate you melted. Put pan in fridge.
When chilled, eat.