Author Topic: Gifts and registries  (Read 6278 times)

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snowball's chance

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Re: Gifts and registries
« Reply #15 on: March 02, 2009, 01:44:27 PM »
10.  It generally is not appropriate to use or withhold, or take back promised gifts to "teach lessons" to others.

I added "generally" to cover the exceptions of parents with their own children for safety or discipline reasons.

ginlyn32

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Re: Gifts and registries
« Reply #16 on: March 02, 2009, 02:37:11 PM »
If the gift is for a child and an expensive gift (i.e. cell phone, computer, car) it is wise to discuss this with the parents, out of the childs hearing. If the parents object, for whatever reason, please abide by their wishes.

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Taralala

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Re: Gifts and registries
« Reply #17 on: March 02, 2009, 04:52:04 PM »
Is a thank-you phone call ever acceptable?  I'm thinking of instances where the giver and recipient are close adult family members who don't live in the same house. Eg. My sister would think I was being very strange if I sent her a thank-you note for a birthday gift, even though we always send notes to aunts, uncles and more distant relatives and friends. 

Do family dynamics and customary informality affect the etiquette of thanking?

TylerBelle

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Re: Gifts and registries
« Reply #18 on: March 03, 2009, 03:57:13 PM »
If planning on giving an animal to someone, please make completely and absolutely 100% with no doubts positively sure that 1.) the person wants and can have the particular puppy/kitten/hamster/pig/Siamese fighting fish they are receiving; 2.) someone in the pet-getting household will be around to take care of it. This means more than covering the basics of food/water/shelter. Love, attention and energy need to be included with pet maintenance.
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Dindrane

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Re: Gifts and registries
« Reply #19 on: March 03, 2009, 04:10:39 PM »
If planning on giving an animal to someone, please make completely and absolutely 100% with no doubts positively sure that 1.) the person wants and can have the particular puppy/kitten/hamster/pig/Siamese fighting fish they are receiving; 2.) someone in the pet-getting household will be around to take care of it. This means more than covering the basics of food/water/shelter. Love, attention and energy need to be included with pet maintenance.

I'll do you one better:

Don't give animals to people as gifts.  Express your willingness to pay for the initial costs of acquiring said animal as a gift, if you must, but don't give animals to people as gifts.

If you intend to give a child living in your household an animal as a gift, don't kid yourself and give the animal to yourself instead.


Lisbeth

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Re: Gifts and registries
« Reply #20 on: March 06, 2009, 06:02:51 PM »
1.  Gifts are always optional on the part of a guest.  The lack of a gift cannot be used by a host as a barrier to admittance of a guest-even when the occasion is a birthday party, wedding, or shower.within six weeks of receipt. 
I 110% agree with this, but I was under the impression that showers WERE gift-giving occasions.  I'm not saying that it should be "go gift, no enter," but since the point of the event is to shower the guest of honour with gifts, it seems a bit odd not to bring a gift.

Am I offbase here?

You're not offbase and I do think it is inappropriate for a shower guest not to bring a gift.  However, I think the etiquette rule is that even at showers, one assumes the true gift to be that of the presence of the guest and not the present.  So, if a guest turns up without a gift, that guest is still admitted.  The guest will hopefully be chastened by the embarrassment of watching as others bring gifts, and could afterwards give a gift to the honoree.
« Last Edit: March 11, 2009, 07:49:05 PM by KeenReader »
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Lisbeth

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Re: Gifts and registries
« Reply #21 on: March 06, 2009, 06:05:14 PM »
Is a thank-you phone call ever acceptable?  I'm thinking of instances where the giver and recipient are close adult family members who don't live in the same house. Eg. My sister would think I was being very strange if I sent her a thank-you note for a birthday gift, even though we always send notes to aunts, uncles and more distant relatives and friends. 

Do family dynamics and customary informality affect the etiquette of thanking?

Well, I prefer to write thank-yous myself, but I have no problem with E-mailed thank-yous (except for wedding, shower, or gifts for other rites of passage-those I think still need to be written).  In the case of telephoned thank-yous, I'd do that but probably still write or E-mail one.
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Black Delphinium

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Re: Gifts and registries
« Reply #22 on: March 09, 2009, 04:29:00 PM »
If given a gift of a check, please cash it within a reasonable time frame(say 2 weeks, maximum, a week or less preferably), as it is rude to potentially throw off the balance of another person's bank account.
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Betelnut

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Re: Gifts and registries
« Reply #23 on: March 11, 2009, 01:09:05 PM »
Just because someone has a cat or two don't assume that he or she is a "cat person" who likes cute statues of cats or little plaques with cute "cat sayings" on them.  Same with kids, dogs and other activities.

That is, don't give people dust collectors unless you know, for a fact, they enjoy geegaws.
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Re: Gifts and registries
« Reply #24 on: March 11, 2009, 03:33:00 PM »
I'm not quite sure how to word this well, so please forgive the awkward wording.
It shows more consideration to separate gifts for a single person by occasion instead of time of the year. By this I mean people with December birthdays might not really want a Christmas themed item (Santa shirt for example) given to them as their birthday gift, while that exact same gift would have been much appreciated as a Christmas gift.

* edited for spelling.
« Last Edit: March 11, 2009, 03:37:40 PM by a clever screenname »

Cz. Burrito

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Re: Gifts and registries
« Reply #25 on: March 11, 2009, 03:37:04 PM »
Just because someone has a cat or two don't assume that he or she is a "cat person" who likes cute statues of cats or little plaques with cute "cat sayings" on them.  Same with kids, dogs and other activities.

That is, don't give people dust collectors unless you know, for a fact, they enjoy geegaws.

I'm not quite sure how to word this well, so please forgive the awkward wording.
It shows more consideration to separate gifts for a single person by occasion instead of time of the year. By this I mean people with December birthdays might not really want a Christmas themed item (Santa shirt for example) given to them as their birthday gift, while that exact same gift would have been much appreciated as a Christmas gift.

While it would be nice if all gifts were exactly what the recipients wanted, these issues are covered under #2.

Quote
Recipients must receive all gifts graciously.  They must thank the giver and not dispose of the gift in the giver's presence, make negative comments about the gift, or indicate in any way that the gift is unwelcome or compares unfavorably with other gifts received.   This includes rejecting gifts that were not on a registry. They are also not entitled to a receipt in order to return the gift although it is a kindness to include it. 
« Last Edit: March 11, 2009, 03:38:58 PM by CzarinaBurrito »

athersgeo

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Re: Gifts and registries
« Reply #26 on: March 11, 2009, 03:43:01 PM »
I'm not quite sure how to word this well, so please forgive the aukward wording.
It shows more consideration to separate gifts for a single person by occasion instead of time of the year. By this I mean people with December birthdays might not really want a Christmas themed item (Santa shirt for example) given to them as their birthday gift, while that exact same gift would have been much appreciated at Christmas.

Corollory to this: People with December birthdays really do appreciate the effort if you DON'T wrap their birthday presents in Christmas paper because "it was to hand". December folks have to find non-seasonal paper for the rest of you, don't we deserve the same courtesy?!

Also: When giving gifts to a December birthday person (particularly someone with a birthday very close to Christmas) it's an extremely nice gesture to recognise the two occasions separately rather than saying "Oh, it's a joint Christmas/birthday present." See above regarding December people and other folks' birthdays...

[NB This last part is void if the gift is something that would be a massively inflated single present (eg the year I got my clarinet, which was a joint birthday/Christmas present). If funds do not permit a gift for both occasions, just call it a Christmas gift and call it done!]

Anyone want to hazard a guess when my birthday is?...!

ETA (because I realise that sounds a little "gimme") It's not about getting lots of presents (or even getting ANY presents!), it's more about people recognising that December Birthday =/= Christmas and Christmas =/= December Birthday (unless you're talking the relevant religious birthday, which is a topic for elsewhere entirely)
« Last Edit: March 11, 2009, 03:48:04 PM by athersgeo »

Betelnut

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Re: Gifts and registries
« Reply #27 on: March 11, 2009, 03:57:56 PM »
Just because someone has a cat or two don't assume that he or she is a "cat person" who likes cute statues of cats or little plaques with cute "cat sayings" on them.  Same with kids, dogs and other activities.

That is, don't give people dust collectors unless you know, for a fact, they enjoy geegaws.

I'm not quite sure how to word this well, so please forgive the awkward wording.
It shows more consideration to separate gifts for a single person by occasion instead of time of the year. By this I mean people with December birthdays might not really want a Christmas themed item (Santa shirt for example) given to them as their birthday gift, while that exact same gift would have been much appreciated as a Christmas gift.

While it would be nice if all gifts were exactly what the recipients wanted, these issues are covered under #2.

Quote
Recipients must receive all gifts graciously.  They must thank the giver and not dispose of the gift in the giver's presence, make negative comments about the gift, or indicate in any way that the gift is unwelcome or compares unfavorably with other gifts received.   This includes rejecting gifts that were not on a registry. They are also not entitled to a receipt in order to return the gift although it is a kindness to include it. 


I was actually talking about the etiquette of the giver not the receiver.  The receiver of the gift, of course, must be gracious.  The giver of the gift must be thoughtful about what gifts are given.  This is NOT covered in rule #2.
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Lisbeth

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Re: Gifts and registries
« Reply #28 on: March 15, 2009, 06:13:51 PM »
Just because someone has a cat or two don't assume that he or she is a "cat person" who likes cute statues of cats or little plaques with cute "cat sayings" on them.  Same with kids, dogs and other activities.

That is, don't give people dust collectors unless you know, for a fact, they enjoy geegaws.

I'm not quite sure how to word this well, so please forgive the awkward wording.
It shows more consideration to separate gifts for a single person by occasion instead of time of the year. By this I mean people with December birthdays might not really want a Christmas themed item (Santa shirt for example) given to them as their birthday gift, while that exact same gift would have been much appreciated as a Christmas gift.

While it would be nice if all gifts were exactly what the recipients wanted, these issues are covered under #2.

Quote
Recipients must receive all gifts graciously.  They must thank the giver and not dispose of the gift in the giver's presence, make negative comments about the gift, or indicate in any way that the gift is unwelcome or compares unfavorably with other gifts received.   This includes rejecting gifts that were not on a registry. They are also not entitled to a receipt in order to return the gift although it is a kindness to include it. 


I was actually talking about the etiquette of the giver not the receiver.  The receiver of the gift, of course, must be gracious.  The giver of the gift must be thoughtful about what gifts are given.  This is NOT covered in rule #2.

But it is covered in rule #10-not to use gifts to "teach others a lesson."  For example, the giver should not use a gift of a weight-loss book or clothing that's too small to promote the idea that the recipient needs to lose weight. Or, one should not give a person who is not of one's own religion a gift of a religious nature for that religion for the purpose of promoting conversion to that religion.
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marcel

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Re: Gifts and registries
« Reply #29 on: March 16, 2009, 03:53:45 PM »
Just because someone has a cat or two don't assume that he or she is a "cat person" who likes cute statues of cats or little plaques with cute "cat sayings" on them.  Same with kids, dogs and other activities.

That is, don't give people dust collectors unless you know, for a fact, they enjoy geegaws.

I'm not quite sure how to word this well, so please forgive the awkward wording.
It shows more consideration to separate gifts for a single person by occasion instead of time of the year. By this I mean people with December birthdays might not really want a Christmas themed item (Santa shirt for example) given to them as their birthday gift, while that exact same gift would have been much appreciated as a Christmas gift.

While it would be nice if all gifts were exactly what the recipients wanted, these issues are covered under #2.

Quote
Recipients must receive all gifts graciously.  They must thank the giver and not dispose of the gift in the giver's presence, make negative comments about the gift, or indicate in any way that the gift is unwelcome or compares unfavorably with other gifts received.   This includes rejecting gifts that were not on a registry. They are also not entitled to a receipt in order to return the gift although it is a kindness to include it. 


I was actually talking about the etiquette of the giver not the receiver.  The receiver of the gift, of course, must be gracious.  The giver of the gift must be thoughtful about what gifts are given.  This is NOT covered in rule #2.

But it is covered in rule #10-not to use gifts to "teach others a lesson."  For example, the giver should not use a gift of a weight-loss book or clothing that's too small to promote the idea that the recipient needs to lose weight. Or, one should not give a person who is not of one's own religion a gift of a religious nature for that religion for the purpose of promoting conversion to that religion.

No, it is not covered by rule #10 either, it is not covered in the OP at all.


As an exception for the charity gifts, I give a pass to people that have their own charity project going, and ask for help funding this project.



edited for spelling mistake
« Last Edit: March 17, 2009, 12:59:24 PM by marcel »
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