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Thank Yous

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Bob Ducca:
1. Any gift that is not opened in the presence of the giver should be acknowledged with a written thank-you.  Pre-printed thank you cards are not as nice as a personal letter.

2. If e-mail is the primary form of communication between the giver and recipient, an e-mail is acceptable.  However, it should be as thoughtfully worded as a traditional thank-you letter would be.

3. If no thank-you has been issued for a gift, it is acceptable for the giver to contact the recipient to make sure the gift was, in fact, received.

4. It is unacceptable to have guests at a party or shower address their own thank-you letters, whether it be part of a "game" or not.

5.  With the exception of a group gift, a thank-you should be given to each giver at an event-not given en masse. (Note: If you received a gift from a couple or a family, send the thank-you to the couple/family-not each member.)

6.  It is not appropriate to indicate in a thank-you note that the gift is being returned, contributed to a charity, or otherwise disposed

This is what I have so far, but there are some points of contention:

When you open a gift in the presence of the giver, a verbal thank you is issued at that time.  Does there need to be a follow-up written thank-you?

What is the acceptable time frame for issuing a thank-you letter?  Is this a better-late-than-never situation, or should a late thank-you just not be sent?

RainhaDoTexugo:

--- Quote from: Deb1000faces on February 27, 2009, 11:01:34 PM ---When you open a gift in the presence of the giver, a verbal thank you is issued at that time.  Does there need to be a follow-up written thank-you?


--- End quote ---

I would say, this is very situational.  In general, if the gift is given at an event such as a graduation or birthday party, or shower, a thank you note should be sent even if the recipient is thanked in person.  In a one-on-one situation, say if you invite someone to your house near Christmas and they bring you a gift, a thank you note probably isn't necessary.  There are VERY few situations in which a thank you note would be inappropriate, so always err on the side of caution and send one if you're not sure. 

Thank you notes should be personal, and mention the gift, and something the recipient enjoys about it.  "Dear Aunt Jean, Thank you so much for the lovely vase!  It matches my curtains perfectly, and I can't wait to get some flowers to put in it.  It was great to see you at the party!  Love, Rainha."  "Dear Aunt Jean, thanks for the present." is not acceptable.

Dindrane:
A thank you note should always include the sentence "Thank you for ______" or one like it somewhere in the note.  Writing to say, "I wanted to thank you for _____" is not sufficient, as it does not actually express the recipient's thanks.  It expresses merely the intention of expressing thanks.

One should always thank someone else for a gift as though the gift is exactly what one wanted.  If this is not actually true, one should pretend to thank the giver for the thought so the thanks is still sincere.

I think Miss Manners says the appropriate time frame to write and send a thank you note is within about half an hour after opening the gift.  I'm willing to be more lenient and say that it should be written and sent within a week or two (barring unusual circumstances).

Lisbeth:
I think it's never too late to sincerely say thank you.  As noted in my gifts thread, I think six weeks is a pretty reasonable timeline (obviously adjustable where circumstances require it) for a wedding gift or other sent gift.  A gift given in person should result in immediate verbal thanks.

If a gift indicates that the giver went to extreme measures to obtain it (it appears to be way out of their budget or they otherwise really had to go out of their way in other respects), I think a written note is especially appropriate.  And if the gift involves personal services, I think a written thank-you is always appropriate.

5.  With the exception of a group gift, a thank-you should be given to each giver at an event-not given en masse. (Note: If you received a gift from a couple or a family, send the thank-you to the couple/family-not each member.)

6.  It is not appropriate to indicate in a thank-you note that the gift is being returned, contributed to a charity, or otherwise disposed of.

Millionaire Maria:
7. When thanking someone for a cash gift, all amounts are generous. One should also try to indicate how the money will be spent. "Thank you for the generous gift you sent. DH and I are using it to buy a new couch."

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