Pregnancy/birth etiquette

[Oxymoroness]

A lot of hospitals are getting away with having nurseries now - there's a lot of emphasis on skin-to-skin contact with mom and keeping mom and baby together after delivery. When I had munchkin, there's absolutely no nursery at our hospital, just a tiny room where they bathe/weigh baby, then bring him or her back to mom. Additionally, our hospital strongly recommended not having family wait in the waiting room - the nurse manager said quite a few times pushy family members steamrolled over a tired mother after the birth.

I hope this doesn't catch on, I enjoyed the fact that the hospital I went to had the option of a nursery. I could take a shower and get some extra sleep regardless of whether or not DH was actually there at the hospital with me or not.

In retrospect I'm really glad that there was no one at the hospital even in the waiting room. So much went wrong with Baby Oxy's birth that had any of mom's been there the stress levels would have been astronomical (that and it took a ridiculously long time)!

[caranfin]

Please be sensitive to friends and relatives who may want to have a child, but can't - either due to fertility or timing. You don't need to pretend you're not expecting, but do not rub it in their face either ("Don't you want one? When are you guys going to get started?"). And be understanding if they don't jump for joy and ask lots of questions about your baby, or even if they need to avoid you for a while. Don't demand that every one "be happy for me." Allow them to be sad for themselves if that's where they are.

[matf]

To follow up on caranfin, it is okay to ask, once, politely, about a person/couple's plans for children. However, take a refusal to discuss details as absolute. "I'll let you know when there's something to talk about" is a polite way of saying butt out.

[snowball's chance]

9.   If you are not the pregnant woman's doctor or health care provider, do not presume to give her unsolicited medical advice or monitor her diet.  Your concern for the child doesn't excuse your rudeness in doing this.

including, but not limited to, you seeing a pregnant stranger smoking a cigarette or drinking an alcoholic beverage (unless she's visibly drunk).  A.) she may not be pregant, just looks pregnant, B.) it may be the only cigarette or drink she's having her entire pregnancy.

[snowball's chance]

If the baby in question was born under circumstances you don't agree with (i.e., parents are unwed or in a bad financial situation, are too young/old, haven't been together long enough), keep your opinions to yourself unless asked by the parents to voice them specifically.

[ginlyn32]

9.   If you are not the pregnant woman's doctor or health care provider, do not presume to give her unsolicited medical advice or monitor her diet.  Your concern for the child doesn't excuse your rudeness in doing this.

including, but not limited to, you seeing a pregnant stranger smoking a cigarette or drinking an alcoholic beverage (unless she's visibly drunk).  A.) she may not be pregant, just looks pregnant, B.) it may be the only cigarette or drink she's having her entire pregnancy.

Also, if you see a pregnant woman purchasing alcoholic beverages or cigerettes, they may not even be for her, so keep your comments to yourself.

ginlyn

[Tai]

9.   If you are not the pregnant woman's doctor or health care provider, do not presume to give her unsolicited medical advice or monitor her diet.  Your concern for the child doesn't excuse your rudeness in doing this.

including, but not limited to, you seeing a pregnant stranger smoking a cigarette or drinking an alcoholic beverage (unless she's visibly drunk).  A.) she may not be pregant, just looks pregnant, B.) it may be the only cigarette or drink she's having her entire pregnancy.

Also, if you see a pregnant woman purchasing alcoholic beverages or cigerettes, they may not even be for her, so keep your comments to yourself.

ginlyn

Absolutely!  I do the grocery shopping, and therefore I'm the one that buys beer and wine.  When I was pregnant with Peach and Luigi, I can't tell you how many times I got the hairy eyeball and comments about "your baby's too young to drink".  Yeah, I know, but Daddy isn't!  And you just can't make beer bread without beer...

[Dandy Andy's Daddy's Love]

To follow up on caranfin, it is okay to ask, once, politely, about a person/couple's plans for children. However, take a refusal to discuss details as absolute. "I'll let you know when there's something to talk about" is a polite way of saying butt out.

No, actually, it's not polite to ask once.

[Elpie]

Agree with Maria, but there may be some leeway if the questionee has made a statement about plans to have children.

But if questionee has never, ever mentioned having children, or desiring to have children, Don't Ask. It will never result in positive feelings from the questionee.

[Dindrane]

One thing I didn't see regards the behavior of family and friends of new parents after the birth.

When someone you know has a baby, be extra considerate of the fact that they are probably a) tired, b) overwhelmed, c) afraid, or d) any combination of the above.  Don't keep them on the phone for too long, and don't drop by at all unless they express some desire for you to do so.  If are invited to drop by, show up prepared to offer your help, even if all you're willing to offer is to mutually ignore the social niceties that are impossible with a newborn.  If you're not willing to offer even that much to the new parents, do everyone a favor and stay home until they've got everything more figured out.

[penelope2017]

9.   If you are not the pregnant woman's doctor or health care provider, do not presume to give her unsolicited medical advice or monitor her diet.  Your concern for the child doesn't excuse your rudeness in doing this.

including, but not limited to, you seeing a pregnant stranger smoking a cigarette or drinking an alcoholic beverage (unless she's visibly drunk).  A.) she may not be pregant, just looks pregnant, B.) it may be the only cigarette or drink she's having her entire pregnancy.

POD to this and even if it is not, it is none of your business, especially considering you might be mistaken about the woman being pregnant as snowball's chance says.

[snowball's chance]

If are invited to drop by, show up prepared to offer your help, even if all you're willing to offer is to mutually ignore the social niceties that are impossible with a newborn.  If you're not willing to offer even that much to the new parents, do everyone a favor and stay home until they've got everything more figured out.

& if you *do* offer to help, be prepared to get an answer you may not want.  The New Mom & Dad may be able to cuddle & coo the New Little One just fine, but what they'd really love is to have a load of laundary or dishes done, their dog taken for walk, or a meal fixed for an older sibling of the baby.

[Dindrane]

If are invited to drop by, show up prepared to offer your help, even if all you're willing to offer is to mutually ignore the social niceties that are impossible with a newborn.  If you're not willing to offer even that much to the new parents, do everyone a favor and stay home until they've got everything more figured out.

& if you *do* offer to help, be prepared to get an answer you may not want.  The New Mom & Dad may be able to cuddle & coo the New Little One just fine, but what they'd really love is to have a load of laundary or dishes done, their dog taken for walk, or a meal fixed for an older sibling of the baby.

That is a very good point.  People offering help should also not press the new parents to take them up on their offer right away.  Make it known that you're available for whatever you're willing to do (babysitting, dog walking, dishes, whatever), and then let the new parents ask you when they need it.

[caranfin]

Agree with Maria, but there may be some leeway if the questionee has made a statement about plans to have children.

But if questionee has never, ever mentioned having children, or desiring to have children, Don't Ask. It will never result in positive feelings from the questionee.

And if you do ask (for example, your new daughter-in-law says "Oh look, a baby, I just love babies" and you feel it's appropriate to follow up), ask IF they plan/hope to have children. Not when.

[wolfie]

While your children are the most fascinating and wonderful creatures to you most of the rest of the world doesn\'t agree (grandparents being a possible exception) so please try to keep the stories to a minimum. Especially stories that involved bodily fluids.