POD to mom's choice only. MIL decided that she wanted to be there when Peach was born, and DH decided it wasn't such a bad idea. *I* decided that when DH is giving birth, he's welcome to invite his mom, but when it is *my* nether regions exposed I get to decide who is there. Heck, my SIL is medical personell, and I threw her out of the room too.
I agree. I would not want MY mom in the room, let alone DHs mom. The person giving birth has all veto power. If mom-to-be wanted someone in, but dad-to-be doesn't, there needs to be a discussion. Mom needs the support. Fair? no. Sometimes life isn't fair.
You know, I'm starting to think dad should get some degree of veto power too. Not willy-nilly veto power, but if he has a serious objection to someone being there, I think that has some weight. I'm not talking about cases where he didn't always see eye to eye with mom's sister, who's also her best friend, so much as extreme cases, like if sister has been making comments about how she should take the kid and leave dad and find someone worthwhile throughout the course of the pregnancy. Dad does have the right to not be subjected to an openly hostile environment when his kid is born. But that may be an issue for marriage counseling, not an etiquette board
This is all assuming, of course, an involved and caring dad, not some jerk who got her pregnant and took off.
This is kinda how i am feeling. I do think that dad should have some input. But in somewhat I think his say carries more weight for who should NOT be there than it does for who should. If the mom is ok with a huge crowd, but dad is a bit more shy and does not want to be pushed out of the way. . . . well i think that is fair. To me it is fair for him to not have to fight for the best seat so to speak.
I also do think that the waiting room/delivery room/ and early stages are all very different.
I think part of my distaste for the attitude of the dad having no say is that it feels to me like saying that his having and opinion and sharing it is selfish somehow or automatically wrong or self serving. Maybe mom does not want anyone there, but all his sisters said how happy they were to have others there. . . sharing that opinion is not wrong. . . . it may be helpful to get others experiences. Maybe he is scared and wants someone to help him be strong for his wife. . . I can not say that is so evil of him. Maybe he does not like the idea of the wife being alone for even the few moment for him to go to the bathroom. . . . so he wants someone to be able to take a shift, again, not evil or bad of him. Heck it could even be that he sees that the mom is a bit toxic and he is trying to point out that her being there might not end so well.
I just feel that the couple should be able to discuss it. . . but at the same token, yes the guy should *get* that the woman controls who sees certain areas of the body and if he ever wants to see them again, he needs to defer to her at some point.