Pregnancy/birth etiquette

[Asha]

Another addition out of DH's and my own experience - Don't tell couples who are expecting their first child how they had better enjoy sleeping in / travelling / freedom now because it's all gone once the baby is born.  Every birth and baby are different and every family handles their new time management their own way.

Under the umbrella of "keep your opinions to yourself unless specfically asked" - Don't tell new parents to be how naive they are being.

And finally - Don't assume the the FTB is clueless about what the MTB wants.

[Emmy]

DO NOT use the excuse you are eating for 2 for gluttony. While you can indulge in cravings, and eat what makes YOU feel better if you are going through nausea etc; you should not be eating double serves of meals everytime or eating junk food prominetly because "baby" wanted it. That may be fine once or twice a week,but not every single day. I'm pretty sure baby wants a nie balanced meal once in a while too.

I agree with most of your previous post, but the part I quoted really isn't an etiquette issue.  What a woman does or does not eat throughout her pregnancy is really between her and her doctor.  It may not be healthy to eat everything in sight, but it isn't impolite.  It's ruder to pay that much attention to what another woman is eating.

POD.  On the other hand, be respectful if a pregnant woman says she is not hungry or is not eating as much as you think she should.  Especially do not make comments about how the mother is starving the baby or how the mother thinks her figure is more important than the baby's health.  What and how much a woman chooses to eat during pregnancy is between her and her doctor. 

A woman I know (who delivered a healthy weight baby) said her MIL was talking to the baby and said "you poor thing, you are so skinny because your mommy didn't want to gain too much weight".

Another addition out of DH's and my own experience - Don't tell couples who are expecting their first child how they had better enjoy sleeping in / travelling / freedom now because it's all gone once the baby is born.  Every birth and baby are different and every family handles their new time management their own way.

Under the umbrella of "keep your opinions to yourself unless specfically asked" - Don't tell new parents to be how naive they are being.

And finally - Don't assume the the FTB is clueless about what the MTB wants.

I'll also POD this.

I think misery loves company.  Why do so many people get pleasure out of telling new parents horror stories about the birthing process/being parents?

[MrsJWine]

Whenever people told me that, I tell them that IF I ate [insert food--pretty much any food--here], I WOULD be sick, and then the baby wouldn't even have what I'd eaten earlier that day.  I gained a total of six pounds with my second pregnancy (I lost about 15 first trimester).  I still had an 8-lb baby three weeks early.

[pendragon1980]

While grandchildren are a wonderful blessing, they are not something you are "owed" by your adult children.  Whether your children and their partners are child-free by choice or for some other reason, they don't want to hear all about what a disappointment this is to you, or for you to try to change their minds.  

slight hijack...

I may be saving this quote for later on, snowball, since DH and I are discussing keep our family to us two plus pets, and my only other sibling cannot have children due to medical issues.  I think the fact I'm the only available child to have grandchildren puts me in a tight spot, whether or not we want them.

[LadyR]

A pregnant woman is a person. She is not just a gestational carrier. It is polite to ask her how she is doing, about her work/interest/life, instead of just asking about the baby.

[Hollanda]

A pregnant woman is a person. She is not just a gestational carrier. It is polite to ask her how she is doing, about her work/interest/life, instead of just asking about the baby.

Just read this and felt the need to bump it back up.

Pod to the above. Also, a mother is not JUST a mother. She still has her own brain cells (just about!), her own mind and her own personality. Assuming that a new mother does nothing but look after the baby can be a dangerous assumption...dangerous in that it assumes that the mother has lost her identity completely.  Balance is the key issue and mums need to be able to talk to adults about things not related to their little bundle of joy.

[BabylonSister]

Upon hearing that a woman is pregnant again shortly after having given birth, or while already having a large number of children, do not ask "Don't you know what's causing that?" or say "You need to buy a TV." You're not funny.

[bduckie]

Upon hearing that a woman is pregnant again shortly after having given birth, or while already having a large number of children, do not ask "Don't you know what's causing that?" or say "You need to buy a TV." You're not funny.

My answer to something like that is to keep a dead serious face, and with sincere curiousity ask "No, what does cause that?" 

[hellgirl]

Upon hearing that a woman is pregnant again shortly after having given birth, or while already having a large number of children, do not ask "Don't you know what's causing that?" or say "You need to buy a TV." You're not funny.

My answer to something like that is to keep a dead serious face, and with sincere curiousity ask "No, what does cause that?" 

My answer, with a straight face, was "Yes. I'm pretty sure it's the sex."

[lollylegs]

5.  Only the mother gets to decide whom she wants to attend the delivery in the delivery room.  The parents jointly get to decide who can come to the hospital. Grandparents, in-laws, and other relatives and friends do not have an automatic right to be present-regardless of the fact that a new member of their family is about to be born. 

Would love to hear thoughts on this; I know two women who didn't want the father of the child in the delivery room (in both cases it was the woman's husband, ie attentive partners, not deadbeat or absent fathers). One of them changed her mind, but the other stood firm and her husband had to wait outside. So. Do attentive partners have a right to be in the delivery room?

[katycoo]

5.  Only the mother gets to decide whom she wants to attend the delivery in the delivery room.  The parents jointly get to decide who can come to the hospital. Grandparents, in-laws, and other relatives and friends do not have an automatic right to be present-regardless of the fact that a new member of their family is about to be born. 

Would love to hear thoughts on this; I know two women who didn't want the father of the child in the delivery room (in both cases it was the woman's husband, ie attentive partners, not deadbeat or absent fathers). One of them changed her mind, but the other stood firm and her husband had to wait outside. So. Do attentive partners have a right to be in the delivery room?

No.  No one has the right to be present at a medical procedure except the patient and the professional of choice.  That said, I can't imagine NOT wanting my DH to be there...

[Auntie Mame]

5.  Only the mother gets to decide whom she wants to attend the delivery in the delivery room.  The parents jointly get to decide who can come to the hospital. Grandparents, in-laws, and other relatives and friends do not have an automatic right to be present-regardless of the fact that a new member of their family is about to be born. 

Would love to hear thoughts on this; I know two women who didn't want the father of the child in the delivery room (in both cases it was the woman's husband, ie attentive partners, not deadbeat or absent fathers). One of them changed her mind, but the other stood firm and her husband had to wait outside. So. Do attentive partners have a right to be in the delivery room?

No.  No one has the right to be present at a medical procedure except the patient and the professional of choice.  That said, I can't imagine NOT wanting my DH to be there...

I wouldn't judge her too quickly.  He may have be a loving, attentive father and husband, but that doesn't mean he's good in a crisis.  Some men simply can not deal with the stress of watching their wife deliver (no judgement on the, I'm sure it's pretty scary) and end up being more of a hindrance than a help.  A woman in labor does have the time or energy to comfort anyone, and the medical staff should be focused on her, not an hysterical husband.

Just a different perspective.

[katycoo]

5.  Only the mother gets to decide whom she wants to attend the delivery in the delivery room.  The parents jointly get to decide who can come to the hospital. Grandparents, in-laws, and other relatives and friends do not have an automatic right to be present-regardless of the fact that a new member of their family is about to be born. 

Would love to hear thoughts on this; I know two women who didn't want the father of the child in the delivery room (in both cases it was the woman's husband, ie attentive partners, not deadbeat or absent fathers). One of them changed her mind, but the other stood firm and her husband had to wait outside. So. Do attentive partners have a right to be in the delivery room?

No.  No one has the right to be present at a medical procedure except the patient and the professional of choice.  That said, I can't imagine NOT wanting my DH to be there...

I wouldn't judge her too quickly.  He may have be a loving, attentive father and husband, but that doesn't mean he's good in a crisis.  Some men simply can not deal with the stress of watching their wife deliver (no judgement on the, I'm sure it's pretty scary) and end up being more of a hindrance than a help.  A woman in labor does have the time or energy to comfort anyone, and the medical staff should be focused on her, not an hysterical husband.

Just a different perspective.

Judge?  Was that directed at me?
I was merely stating a thought relative to my own marriage, not that I couldn't fathom any circumstance ever where a father's presence may be unwanted.

[lollylegs]

5.  Only the mother gets to decide whom she wants to attend the delivery in the delivery room.  The parents jointly get to decide who can come to the hospital. Grandparents, in-laws, and other relatives and friends do not have an automatic right to be present-regardless of the fact that a new member of their family is about to be born. 

Would love to hear thoughts on this; I know two women who didn't want the father of the child in the delivery room (in both cases it was the woman's husband, ie attentive partners, not deadbeat or absent fathers). One of them changed her mind, but the other stood firm and her husband had to wait outside. So. Do attentive partners have a right to be in the delivery room?

No.  No one has the right to be present at a medical procedure except the patient and the professional of choice.  That said, I can't imagine NOT wanting my DH to be there...

I wouldn't judge her too quickly.  He may have be a loving, attentive father and husband, but that doesn't mean he's good in a crisis.  Some men simply can not deal with the stress of watching their wife deliver (no judgement on the, I'm sure it's pretty scary) and end up being more of a hindrance than a help.  A woman in labor does have the time or energy to comfort anyone, and the medical staff should be focused on her, not an hysterical husband.

Just a different perspective.

Judge?  Was that directed at me?
I was merely stating a thought relative to my own marriage, not that I couldn't fathom any circumstance ever where a father's presence may be unwanted.

And if it was directed at me, I don't judge her at all. I've given birth myself and no way was anyone coming in that room without my say so. However, my heart absolutely broke for the father who so desperately wanted to be there for the birth of his daughter and couldn't. It's a tricky one, that's why I was interested in hearing other peoples opinions.

[Auntie Mame]

5.  Only the mother gets to decide whom she wants to attend the delivery in the delivery room.  The parents jointly get to decide who can come to the hospital. Grandparents, in-laws, and other relatives and friends do not have an automatic right to be present-regardless of the fact that a new member of their family is about to be born. 

Would love to hear thoughts on this; I know two women who didn't want the father of the child in the delivery room (in both cases it was the woman's husband, ie attentive partners, not deadbeat or absent fathers). One of them changed her mind, but the other stood firm and her husband had to wait outside. So. Do attentive partners have a right to be in the delivery room?

No.  No one has the right to be present at a medical procedure except the patient and the professional of choice.  That said, I can't imagine NOT wanting my DH to be there...

I wouldn't judge her too quickly.  He may have be a loving, attentive father and husband, but that doesn't mean he's good in a crisis.  Some men simply can not deal with the stress of watching their wife deliver (no judgement on the, I'm sure it's pretty scary) and end up being more of a hindrance than a help.  A woman in labor does have the time or energy to comfort anyone, and the medical staff should be focused on her, not an hysterical husband.

Just a different perspective.

Judge?  Was that directed at me?
I was merely stating a thought relative to my own marriage, not that I couldn't fathom any circumstance ever where a father's presence may be unwanted.

And if it was directed at me, I don't judge her at all. I've given birth myself and no way was anyone coming in that room without my say so. However, my heart absolutely broke for the father who so desperately wanted to be there for the birth of his daughter and couldn't. It's a tricky one, that's why I was interested in hearing other peoples opinions.

WOAH! Just offering another perspective.  Defensiveness not necessary.