Author Topic: Child etiquette  (Read 12341 times)

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kareng57

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Re: Child etiquette
« Reply #15 on: March 04, 2009, 09:20:24 PM »
Discipline your own child in private and not by scolding him/her or using corporal punishment in public.

The only problem with that is that young children need to be disciplined immediately if they do something wrong and if there is a delay between misbehaviour and whatever consequences have been decided upon by the parent the child will not understand why they are being punished. Whilst in principle I agree that the child should be disciplined privately, in practice that is not always possible.

Do posters here generally differenciate between "correcting" and "discipline"? or does it depend on the age of the child? Because I think that it's perfectly acceptable to correct a child in public, especially if it needs to be done instantly. Discipline on the other hand I think should be done in private.


I do agree completely - but I think we're getting into semantic-fine-combing here.  "Discipline" really means "teaching" after all.  With very young kids, you just can't wait.  Saying to a three year old an hour later "you know, Timmy, you should not have pushed ahead of that lady in the supermarket" just is not going to work.  IMO you grab the kid by the collar and say "Timmy, you must not do that!  You ran right in front of this lady, you could have made her fall, and she could have been hurt!"

While my kids were not saints, this would usually have resulted in an apology to the lady from them.  Maybe others would consider that to be inappropriate-public-discipline - but it worked for me.

Lisbeth

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Re: Child etiquette
« Reply #16 on: March 04, 2009, 10:05:10 PM »
To clarify:

I think it's perfectly acceptable to say or do whatever is necessary to get a kid to stop misbehaving at the time it's happening-whether that's in public or in private, especially when the safety of others is involved.

But, I do not want to hear parents scold, lecture, warn, punish, or threaten their children once that's been dealt with. 

For example, a parent can and should certainly pull their kid off the kid they're beating up, wherever that's happening, but then they should take their own kid somewhere private to lecture and administer punishment.
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Black Delphinium

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Re: Child etiquette
« Reply #17 on: March 05, 2009, 08:18:32 AM »
To clarify:

I think it's perfectly acceptable to say or do whatever is necessary to get a kid to stop misbehaving at the time it's happening-whether that's in public or in private, especially when the safety of others is involved.

But, I do not want to hear parents scold, lecture, warn, punish, or threaten their children once that's been dealt with. 

For example, a parent can and should certainly pull their kid off the kid they're beating up, wherever that's happening, but then they should take their own kid somewhere private to lecture and administer punishment.
May I add a "within reason" caveat? I don't think it's ever okay to use profanity to get your child to stop misbehaving, especially in public.
When angels go bad, they go worse than anyone. Remember, Lucifer was an angel. ~The Marquis De Carabas

mechtilde

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Re: Child etiquette
« Reply #18 on: March 05, 2009, 09:13:56 AM »
I'd alter that slightly to say that profanities should never be used in front of children as they will repeat them, epsecially at the most inopportune moments imaginable.
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NOVA Lady

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Re: Child etiquette
« Reply #19 on: March 05, 2009, 09:27:27 AM »
I'd alter that slightly to say that profanities should never be used in front of children as they will repeat them, epsecially at the most inopportune moments imaginable.

I'd like to add that profanity should not be used in front of children unless said children are in a place that is aimed towards adults, like a bar.

amanda_tlg

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Re: Child etiquette
« Reply #20 on: March 05, 2009, 09:40:13 AM »
Can I go slightly against the grain but still with the topic? So far all of these are rules for parents. What about some guidelines for dealing with children in general?



If you are in line behind a child, whether it be at a library, store or snow cone vendor, remember that child is a customer as well, and as deserving as the clerk's attention as you are.

(Inspired by a recent thread) If a small child/toddler says "Hi" it is actually the polite thing to do to say "hi" back. You do not need to engage any further, and can generally ignore said child after that. Very young children love to interact with the things around them, and will probably say hi to their chair, mom's shoes and the server's pencil as well. Would you not return a greeting from an adult?


Black Delphinium

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Re: Child etiquette
« Reply #21 on: March 05, 2009, 09:42:35 AM »
Yes, I would ignore a strange adult in public, because when I shop, I want to be left alone, unless I'm with someone, and even then, I tend to turtle up.


But I know I'm weird.
When angels go bad, they go worse than anyone. Remember, Lucifer was an angel. ~The Marquis De Carabas

TylerBelle

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Re: Child etiquette
« Reply #22 on: March 05, 2009, 10:34:22 AM »
When shopping with your child or a child in your charge, and you see something they would like or be interested in (a toy, a game, a fun clothing accessory, etc.), please do not go out of your way to show it to the child and encourage them with "Look, this would go great with your (something the child already has)," or so forth. Then when they are all hyped up to get the item, turn them down, claiming perhaps they can get it for an upcoming birthday or if a gift-giving holiday is close by. Tell them it's going to be part of their birthday or Christmas, just go ahead and get it right then and there, because if they're sad they don't get it, it's only yourself to blame.


I don't have children, thus I can't speak from that experience, but I've seen the above happen with a friend and her youngest daughter and it made me squirm. If I'd had the money then I would have thought about getting what the little girl wanted, and maybe I'd be in the wrong since it wasn't my child, but it was just an awkward situation to me.
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caslyn

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Re: Child etiquette
« Reply #23 on: March 05, 2009, 11:40:02 AM »
Can I go slightly against the grain but still with the topic? So far all of these are rules for parents. What about some guidelines for dealing with children in general?

Yes, feel like I started this and then abandoned it, but guidelines for dealing with children in general was very much what I had in mind - rather than just targeting parenting skills. Especially as I've noticed from this board that people don't always seem to know what is and isn't appropriate e.g. recent threads where posters were worried that they'd been rude because they'd shouted at a child when that child was hurting someone/thing.

Basically how can adults and children interact to make the encounter pleasant for both parties, rather than just what parents need to do.

I've got an interview on Weds, so am doing some serious prep for that, but after that I'll come back, pull it together and update the first post with the suggestions made here.

Hawkwatcher

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Re: Child etiquette
« Reply #24 on: March 07, 2009, 01:30:05 PM »
Can I go slightly against the grain but still with the topic? So far all of these are rules for parents. What about some guidelines for dealing with children in general?


I think that some proper behavior might be determined by the age of the child.  For example, you would not talk to a fifteen-year-old the same way you would talk to a five-year-old. 

For a small child, I think that the best bet is to model proper behavior.  You should say "please" and "thank you" to the child.  You should also consider any physical limitations that the child might have and be patient.  If you snap at them for no reason, apologize.

For older children and teenagers, keep communication age-appropriate.  Do not use baby-talk to communicate with an older child or teen.  Please do not try use stuffed animals to talk to an older child.  Yes, I had a woman who used her teddy bears to communicate with me and a friend of mine when we were both twelve. 

You also should try to treat children fairly.  When a friend or family member has a baby, it easy for many people to focus their attention on the baby and sometimes older children end up getting ignored.  Make a point of paying attention to the older siblings.



Lisbeth

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Re: Child etiquette
« Reply #25 on: March 09, 2009, 06:08:55 PM »
To clarify:

I think it's perfectly acceptable to say or do whatever is necessary to get a kid to stop misbehaving at the time it's happening-whether that's in public or in private, especially when the safety of others is involved.

But, I do not want to hear parents scold, lecture, warn, punish, or threaten their children once that's been dealt with. 

For example, a parent can and should certainly pull their kid off the kid they're beating up, wherever that's happening, but then they should take their own kid somewhere private to lecture and administer punishment.
May I add a "within reason" caveat? I don't think it's ever okay to use profanity to get your child to stop misbehaving, especially in public.

Well, it should never be necessary to use profanity to get a child to stop misbehaving.  A very firm tone of voice should do the job, along with the appropriate action.
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NOVA Lady

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Re: Child etiquette
« Reply #26 on: March 09, 2009, 11:21:42 PM »
To clarify:

I think it's perfectly acceptable to say or do whatever is necessary to get a kid to stop misbehaving at the time it's happening-whether that's in public or in private, especially when the safety of others is involved.

But, I do not want to hear parents scold, lecture, warn, punish, or threaten their children once that's been dealt with. 

For example, a parent can and should certainly pull their kid off the kid they're beating up, wherever that's happening, but then they should take their own kid somewhere private to lecture and administer punishment.
May I add a "within reason" caveat? I don't think it's ever okay to use profanity to get your child to stop misbehaving, especially in public.

Well, it should never be necessary to use profanity to get a child to stop misbehaving.  A very firm tone of voice should do the job, along with the appropriate action.

One would hope. I however have been shocked at the way I have heard some parents verabally "reprimand"their child. However, I dont think people who scream and curse at their children are caring too much about how it appears to others. It is always akward to see a parent disciplining their kids in an abusive manner... however, I'd almost rather if this behavior was going on it not be kept private in the home...

Lisbeth

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Re: Child etiquette
« Reply #27 on: March 09, 2009, 11:30:20 PM »
To clarify:

I think it's perfectly acceptable to say or do whatever is necessary to get a kid to stop misbehaving at the time it's happening-whether that's in public or in private, especially when the safety of others is involved.

But, I do not want to hear parents scold, lecture, warn, punish, or threaten their children once that's been dealt with. 

For example, a parent can and should certainly pull their kid off the kid they're beating up, wherever that's happening, but then they should take their own kid somewhere private to lecture and administer punishment.
May I add a "within reason" caveat? I don't think it's ever okay to use profanity to get your child to stop misbehaving, especially in public.

Well, it should never be necessary to use profanity to get a child to stop misbehaving.  A very firm tone of voice should do the job, along with the appropriate action.

One would hope. I however have been shocked at the way I have heard some parents verabally "reprimand"their child. However, I dont think people who scream and curse at their children are caring too much about how it appears to others. It is always akward to see a parent disciplining their kids in an abusive manner... however, I'd almost rather if this behavior was going on it not be kept private in the home...

I know-I hate watching and hearing parents scream and curse at their children by way of discipline.  It's a form of child abuse that unfortunately can't be prosecuted.
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gadget--gal

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Re: Child etiquette
« Reply #28 on: March 10, 2009, 08:27:26 AM »
For older children and teenagers, keep communication age-appropriate.  Do not use baby-talk to communicate with an older child or teen.  Please do not try use stuffed animals to talk to an older child.  Yes, I had a woman who used her teddy bears to communicate with me and a friend of mine when we were both twelve. 

Hehe, about a month before nmy 20th birthday, my mum and I went on and errand to an aquaintance, (whom I'd never met). This woman, was a pleasant person but she spoke to me like a 10 year old, putting her arm arounf me, telling me that she'd love to bring me to her house for the day. I was so suprised by this I just faked an enthusisatic "OK!" Never saw her again, thank goodness.  ;)

KitFox

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Re: Child etiquette
« Reply #29 on: March 17, 2009, 01:54:38 PM »
Rules regarding children for parents:

1. Don't take your young child to a late-night movie showing.
2. Don't take your young child to horror movies at ALL. (Seriously, you brought a 5-year-old to Silent Hill?)
3. Don't take your child with you a restaurant and feed them something you brought with you (exception for baby's formula/milk, of course).

Rules regarding children for others:
1. You are not allowed to touch, play with, or engage children without their guardians' permission.
2. Unless the child is in imminent danger, then it is not your job to correct the child.
3. Remember that children (especially under 12) do not have all their cognitive abilities yet. Treat them accordingly, with respect and understanding.
4. Children are people too.

Rules for children:
1. Shoes with wheels on them are called rollerskates. They belong outside and in roller rinks.
2. Screaming will not get you what you want.
3. Do not run in restaurants, theaters, malls, stores, museums, galleries, or any other enclosed space that's not a gymnasium!
4. If you bump into someone, apologize.