Child etiquette

[Lisbeth]

Also, does the rule mean horror movies,period or horror movies at the theater? Because the theater has its own rules, and they cover all disturbances,not just those made by children. What they don't say is that I am not allowed to bring my child into a horror movie. Just a couple of weeks ago, we went to see Watchmen opening night, and they were carding. A teenage couple was not allowed into the theater, but me and my son were. 

I would say the rule covers children in theaters, not necessarily children at horror movies.

Like you say, the rule is that no child, or anyone else, should be allowed to make a disturbance.  And I do agree that it isn't polite for another patron to tell these parents that their child doesn't belong.


But, at the same time, one can more reliably expect an older person to know not to make a disturbance, and to expect them to discipline themselves. With a small child, someone has to quiet them or take them out-they wouldn't know to do this themselves.  I think that the more likely it is that someone has to do this, the more necessary it becomes for a rule that prohibits persons who are less able to control themselves from being present-whoever their parents are-when their inability to control themselves comes at the expense of someone else.  Sometimes a rule is necessary to apply to everyone, even if there are potential exceptions like your child.  This is why "It's none of your business" wouldn't fly.  The rule would be there to protect all patrons from consequences caused by out-of-control children.

If its about children being a disturbance, then why allow them in the theater at all? OR why allow them into any movie not rated G?

I do think that before parents bring children into movies, the children need to be mature enough to understand basic movie theater etiquette-no talking, crying, rustling paper, making excessive noise or moving around, or otherwise disturbing others-regardless of the type of movie it is.

Mature enough and old enough are different things. And  isn't the parent the best person to determine whether or not their child is mature enough?

Unfortunately, the movie theaters and etiquette have to make their decisions about rules based on old enough, not mature enough, because they need to use a non-subjective criterion.  So, the parent might be the best person to determine if the child is mature enough, but since the movie theaters (and etiquette) have to apply the same rules to everyone, I'm afraid "mature enough" has to be estimated to a degree-by age.

[SiotehCat]

Also, does the rule mean horror movies,period or horror movies at the theater? Because the theater has its own rules, and they cover all disturbances,not just those made by children. What they don't say is that I am not allowed to bring my child into a horror movie. Just a couple of weeks ago, we went to see Watchmen opening night, and they were carding. A teenage couple was not allowed into the theater, but me and my son were. 

I would say the rule covers children in theaters, not necessarily children at horror movies.

Like you say, the rule is that no child, or anyone else, should be allowed to make a disturbance.  And I do agree that it isn't polite for another patron to tell these parents that their child doesn't belong.


But, at the same time, one can more reliably expect an older person to know not to make a disturbance, and to expect them to discipline themselves. With a small child, someone has to quiet them or take them out-they wouldn't know to do this themselves.  I think that the more likely it is that someone has to do this, the more necessary it becomes for a rule that prohibits persons who are less able to control themselves from being present-whoever their parents are-when their inability to control themselves comes at the expense of someone else.  Sometimes a rule is necessary to apply to everyone, even if there are potential exceptions like your child.  This is why "It's none of your business" wouldn't fly.  The rule would be there to protect all patrons from consequences caused by out-of-control children.

If its about children being a disturbance, then why allow them in the theater at all? OR why allow them into any movie not rated G?

I do think that before parents bring children into movies, the children need to be mature enough to understand basic movie theater etiquette-no talking, crying, rustling paper, making excessive noise or moving around, or otherwise disturbing others-regardless of the type of movie it is.

Mature enough and old enough are different things. And  isn't the parent the best person to determine whether or not their child is mature enough?

Unfortunately, the movie theaters have to make their decisions about rules based on old enough, not mature enough.  So, the parent might be the best person to determine if the child is mature enough, but since the movie theaters (and etiquette) have to apply the same rules to everyone, I'm afraid "mature enough" has to be estimated to a degree-by age.

Well, if we are talking about movie theater rules now, then in the US, I can take my son to an R rated horror film without breaking any rules as long as he is not a disturbance. I didn't think we were talking about movie theater rules, because aside from following the movie ratings, they don't have rules about who can see certain movies. The rule about disturbing other movie watchers is across the board for everyone. A child crying, a person on their cell phone, a group of teenagers being rowdy, those all fall under the same rule.

[Lisbeth]

Also, does the rule mean horror movies,period or horror movies at the theater? Because the theater has its own rules, and they cover all disturbances,not just those made by children. What they don't say is that I am not allowed to bring my child into a horror movie. Just a couple of weeks ago, we went to see Watchmen opening night, and they were carding. A teenage couple was not allowed into the theater, but me and my son were. 

I would say the rule covers children in theaters, not necessarily children at horror movies.

Like you say, the rule is that no child, or anyone else, should be allowed to make a disturbance.  And I do agree that it isn't polite for another patron to tell these parents that their child doesn't belong.


But, at the same time, one can more reliably expect an older person to know not to make a disturbance, and to expect them to discipline themselves. With a small child, someone has to quiet them or take them out-they wouldn't know to do this themselves.  I think that the more likely it is that someone has to do this, the more necessary it becomes for a rule that prohibits persons who are less able to control themselves from being present-whoever their parents are-when their inability to control themselves comes at the expense of someone else.  Sometimes a rule is necessary to apply to everyone, even if there are potential exceptions like your child.  This is why "It's none of your business" wouldn't fly.  The rule would be there to protect all patrons from consequences caused by out-of-control children.

If its about children being a disturbance, then why allow them in the theater at all? OR why allow them into any movie not rated G?

I do think that before parents bring children into movies, the children need to be mature enough to understand basic movie theater etiquette-no talking, crying, rustling paper, making excessive noise or moving around, or otherwise disturbing others-regardless of the type of movie it is.

Mature enough and old enough are different things. And  isn't the parent the best person to determine whether or not their child is mature enough?

Unfortunately, the movie theaters have to make their decisions about rules based on old enough, not mature enough.  So, the parent might be the best person to determine if the child is mature enough, but since the movie theaters (and etiquette) have to apply the same rules to everyone, I'm afraid "mature enough" has to be estimated to a degree-by age.

Well, if we are talking about movie theater rules now, then in the US, I can take my son to an R rated horror film without breaking any rules as long as he is not a disturbance. I didn't think we were talking about movie theater rules, because aside from following the movie ratings, they don't have rules about who can see certain movies. The rule about disturbing other movie watchers is across the board for everyone. A child crying, a person on their cell phone, a group of teenagers being rowdy, those all fall under the same rule.

According to movie theater rules, yes, you can do that, but it is not necessarily polite and does not necessarily not disturb others.

[SiotehCat]

Also, does the rule mean horror movies,period or horror movies at the theater? Because the theater has its own rules, and they cover all disturbances,not just those made by children. What they don't say is that I am not allowed to bring my child into a horror movie. Just a couple of weeks ago, we went to see Watchmen opening night, and they were carding. A teenage couple was not allowed into the theater, but me and my son were. 

I would say the rule covers children in theaters, not necessarily children at horror movies.

Like you say, the rule is that no child, or anyone else, should be allowed to make a disturbance.  And I do agree that it isn't polite for another patron to tell these parents that their child doesn't belong.


But, at the same time, one can more reliably expect an older person to know not to make a disturbance, and to expect them to discipline themselves. With a small child, someone has to quiet them or take them out-they wouldn't know to do this themselves.  I think that the more likely it is that someone has to do this, the more necessary it becomes for a rule that prohibits persons who are less able to control themselves from being present-whoever their parents are-when their inability to control themselves comes at the expense of someone else.  Sometimes a rule is necessary to apply to everyone, even if there are potential exceptions like your child.  This is why "It's none of your business" wouldn't fly.  The rule would be there to protect all patrons from consequences caused by out-of-control children.

If its about children being a disturbance, then why allow them in the theater at all? OR why allow them into any movie not rated G?

I do think that before parents bring children into movies, the children need to be mature enough to understand basic movie theater etiquette-no talking, crying, rustling paper, making excessive noise or moving around, or otherwise disturbing others-regardless of the type of movie it is.

Mature enough and old enough are different things. And  isn't the parent the best person to determine whether or not their child is mature enough?

Unfortunately, the movie theaters have to make their decisions about rules based on old enough, not mature enough.  So, the parent might be the best person to determine if the child is mature enough, but since the movie theaters (and etiquette) have to apply the same rules to everyone, I'm afraid "mature enough" has to be estimated to a degree-by age.

Well, if we are talking about movie theater rules now, then in the US, I can take my son to an R rated horror film without breaking any rules as long as he is not a disturbance. I didn't think we were talking about movie theater rules, because aside from following the movie ratings, they don't have rules about who can see certain movies. The rule about disturbing other movie watchers is across the board for everyone. A child crying, a person on their cell phone, a group of teenagers being rowdy, those all fall under the same rule.

According to movie theater rules, yes, you can do that, but it is not necessarily polite and does not necessarily not disturb others.

Then I have to ask how it would disturb others and how it wouldn't be polite? If someone just believes that children shouldn't be watching horror movies, and that is why they are disturbed by it, then thats not my problem.

[Lisbeth]

Also, does the rule mean horror movies,period or horror movies at the theater? Because the theater has its own rules, and they cover all disturbances,not just those made by children. What they don't say is that I am not allowed to bring my child into a horror movie. Just a couple of weeks ago, we went to see Watchmen opening night, and they were carding. A teenage couple was not allowed into the theater, but me and my son were. 

I would say the rule covers children in theaters, not necessarily children at horror movies.

Like you say, the rule is that no child, or anyone else, should be allowed to make a disturbance.  And I do agree that it isn't polite for another patron to tell these parents that their child doesn't belong.


But, at the same time, one can more reliably expect an older person to know not to make a disturbance, and to expect them to discipline themselves. With a small child, someone has to quiet them or take them out-they wouldn't know to do this themselves.  I think that the more likely it is that someone has to do this, the more necessary it becomes for a rule that prohibits persons who are less able to control themselves from being present-whoever their parents are-when their inability to control themselves comes at the expense of someone else.  Sometimes a rule is necessary to apply to everyone, even if there are potential exceptions like your child.  This is why "It's none of your business" wouldn't fly.  The rule would be there to protect all patrons from consequences caused by out-of-control children.

If its about children being a disturbance, then why allow them in the theater at all? OR why allow them into any movie not rated G?

I do think that before parents bring children into movies, the children need to be mature enough to understand basic movie theater etiquette-no talking, crying, rustling paper, making excessive noise or moving around, or otherwise disturbing others-regardless of the type of movie it is.

Mature enough and old enough are different things. And  isn't the parent the best person to determine whether or not their child is mature enough?

Unfortunately, the movie theaters have to make their decisions about rules based on old enough, not mature enough.  So, the parent might be the best person to determine if the child is mature enough, but since the movie theaters (and etiquette) have to apply the same rules to everyone, I'm afraid "mature enough" has to be estimated to a degree-by age.

Well, if we are talking about movie theater rules now, then in the US, I can take my son to an R rated horror film without breaking any rules as long as he is not a disturbance. I didn't think we were talking about movie theater rules, because aside from following the movie ratings, they don't have rules about who can see certain movies. The rule about disturbing other movie watchers is across the board for everyone. A child crying, a person on their cell phone, a group of teenagers being rowdy, those all fall under the same rule.

According to movie theater rules, yes, you can do that, but it is not necessarily polite and does not necessarily not disturb others.

Then I have to ask how it would disturb others and how it wouldn't be polite? If someone just believes that children shouldn't be watching horror movies, and that is why they are disturbed by it, then thats not my problem.

You would have to keep your child from making any noise and take him/her out if s/he does.  Nor could s/he kick, fidget, or touch other people.  If your child did that, then it would be disturbing to other people.

Also, can you count on your child to behave the same way with every movie you see?

[SiotehCat]

Also, does the rule mean horror movies,period or horror movies at the theater? Because the theater has its own rules, and they cover all disturbances,not just those made by children. What they don't say is that I am not allowed to bring my child into a horror movie. Just a couple of weeks ago, we went to see Watchmen opening night, and they were carding. A teenage couple was not allowed into the theater, but me and my son were. 

I would say the rule covers children in theaters, not necessarily children at horror movies.

Like you say, the rule is that no child, or anyone else, should be allowed to make a disturbance.  And I do agree that it isn't polite for another patron to tell these parents that their child doesn't belong.


But, at the same time, one can more reliably expect an older person to know not to make a disturbance, and to expect them to discipline themselves. With a small child, someone has to quiet them or take them out-they wouldn't know to do this themselves.  I think that the more likely it is that someone has to do this, the more necessary it becomes for a rule that prohibits persons who are less able to control themselves from being present-whoever their parents are-when their inability to control themselves comes at the expense of someone else.  Sometimes a rule is necessary to apply to everyone, even if there are potential exceptions like your child.  This is why "It's none of your business" wouldn't fly.  The rule would be there to protect all patrons from consequences caused by out-of-control children.

If its about children being a disturbance, then why allow them in the theater at all? OR why allow them into any movie not rated G?

I do think that before parents bring children into movies, the children need to be mature enough to understand basic movie theater etiquette-no talking, crying, rustling paper, making excessive noise or moving around, or otherwise disturbing others-regardless of the type of movie it is.

Mature enough and old enough are different things. And  isn't the parent the best person to determine whether or not their child is mature enough?

Unfortunately, the movie theaters have to make their decisions about rules based on old enough, not mature enough.  So, the parent might be the best person to determine if the child is mature enough, but since the movie theaters (and etiquette) have to apply the same rules to everyone, I'm afraid "mature enough" has to be estimated to a degree-by age.

Well, if we are talking about movie theater rules now, then in the US, I can take my son to an R rated horror film without breaking any rules as long as he is not a disturbance. I didn't think we were talking about movie theater rules, because aside from following the movie ratings, they don't have rules about who can see certain movies. The rule about disturbing other movie watchers is across the board for everyone. A child crying, a person on their cell phone, a group of teenagers being rowdy, those all fall under the same rule.

According to movie theater rules, yes, you can do that, but it is not necessarily polite and does not necessarily not disturb others.

Then I have to ask how it would disturb others and how it wouldn't be polite? If someone just believes that children shouldn't be watching horror movies, and that is why they are disturbed by it, then thats not my problem.

You would have to keep your child from making any noise and take him/her out if s/he does.  Nor could s/he kick, fidget, or touch other people.  If your child did that, then it would be disturbing to other people.

Also, can you count on your child to behave the same way with every movie you see?

Then this must be where I was confused, because I consider making any noise and kicking/fidgeting/touching to be a disturbance. Those would not be acceptable. But when it was posted "Not not take your child to see a horror movie AT ALL", it sounded as though even children who are there to see the movie and are perfectly behaved are still not allowed because of someone else's preference.

And,yes for the most part I can count on my child to behave the same way. He is 8 now, but I have been taking him to the movies since he was 3. We go to the theater about once a week. We have seen almost every horror movie that has come out, and many other rated R movies, and there have only been two that he has not cared for. What did he do? He got bored and fell asleep. (Watchmen and Hot Fuzz) I know my son, and I could not understand why anyone would think it was their business which movies we saw.

[Lisbeth]

Well, for an 8 year old I'm not so inclined to push really hard for a "no kids" rule-I'm thinking about small toddlers, say 2-5 years old, who might be coming to the movies for the first time and have no experience with what they're seeing on a screen.  For a child of that age, seeing, say, a chainsaw massacre could be really frightening and traumatic, and while I wouldn't speak up, because that would be rude, I'd be really worried about that child's well-being.

[SiotehCat]

2. Don't take your young child to horror movies at ALL. (Seriously, you brought a 5-year-old to Silent Hill?)

The reason I felt the need to respond was because Silent Hill came out spring of 06, and my son was 5.

[KitFox]

Rules regarding children for parents:

1. Don't take your young child to a late-night movie showing.
2. Don't take your young child to horror movies at ALL. (Seriously, you brought a 5-year-old to Silent Hill?)

Wait, why? If the child is not bothering anyone, then why? Should these things be up to the parents? Don't parents know their children best? I would think that the rule would be *If your child acts up in the theater, dont take them. Or get them out of the theater once they start acting up.

My child likes horror movies, and we have been to a few late night movie showings. I think as long as its legal, and nobody else is being bothered by it, it should be nobody's business but ours.

Sorry, I should have been more clear: the implication is that the small child is not going to behave itself, but I see that I didn't state that. I have never been to a late-night movie where there were not crying, screaming, and/or whining children. When I went to see Silent Hill, there were no less than four children under the age of five, and when the creepy faceless monster that bled acid showed up, they all started screaming and didn't stop. The parents didn't remove the children or seem to try to comfort or quiet them.

I should have said "don't bring your small child to horror/late-night movies unless you KNOW the child will not be a distraction to others." I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. [edit] And I'm sorry if my original post insulted anyone because that was NOT my intent.[/edit]

[SiotehCat]

Rules regarding children for parents:

1. Don't take your young child to a late-night movie showing.
2. Don't take your young child to horror movies at ALL. (Seriously, you brought a 5-year-old to Silent Hill?)

Wait, why? If the child is not bothering anyone, then why? Should these things be up to the parents? Don't parents know their children best? I would think that the rule would be *If your child acts up in the theater, dont take them. Or get them out of the theater once they start acting up.

My child likes horror movies, and we have been to a few late night movie showings. I think as long as its legal, and nobody else is being bothered by it, it should be nobody's business but ours.

Sorry, I should have been more clear: the implication is that the small child is not going to behave itself, but I see that I didn't state that. I have never been to a late-night movie where there were not crying, screaming, and/or whining children. When I went to see Silent Hill, there were no less than four children under the age of five, and when the creepy faceless monster that bled acid showed up, they all started screaming and didn't stop. The parents didn't remove the children or seem to try to comfort or quiet them.

I should have said "don't bring your small child to horror/late-night movies unless you KNOW the child will not be a distraction to others." I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. [edit] And I'm sorry if my original post insulted anyone because that was NOT my intent.[/edit]

In that case, I absolutely love this rule.

The reason I could not enjoy Coraline is because there was a child (around 2?) that kept screaming. The parents would usually give it about two minutes, and then take the child out. Bring him back shortly after, child would scream, two minutes later the same thing. During the climax scene, they just left him scream! I guess they felt like the movie was already really loud at that point, that some more noise wouldn't kill anyone. The result was that I did not get to enjoy a movie that a lot of other people did enjoy.

[Venus193]

Reviving this topic because of yesterday's experience.

Children need manners even for child-friendly venues.  For teachers and parent volunteers on class trips:

1. Keep the children coralled together at all times.  Do a headcount every ten minutes to make sure all the children are within view.

2.  Take them on regular restroom visits.

3.  Running and roughhousing are absolute no-nos; no exception.

4.  Before visiting a zoo make sure they understand that loud noises are disturbing to the animals.  Excitement is to be expected, but shouting, loud noises, and attempts at imitating animal sounds may upset animals, especially if they have babies.

5.  Children should not get too close to any animals that are loose, such as birds.   An agitated bird may attack.

[sparklestar]

Actually a lot of these rules could be covered under one very simple rule: treat children as you would treat adults.

That covers: Children being noisy in restaurants, Auntie trying to kiss Little Jimmy, interrupting a toddler's lunch with making funny faces, screaming children in the movies, trying to talk to Tina The Teenager about merchant banking etc.

You would never dream of forcing your best friend to kiss your Great Aunt Hilda, why would you make your child do it?
Likewise, if I as an adult threw a screaming crying hissy fit in a restaurant, I hope to goodness that some kind person would bundle me up into a cab and take me home to sleep before the restaurant manager threw me out (as he should do!!). 

[TootsNYC]

If you see a child behaving badly in a public area, alert the child's parents or a staff member to deal with the situation.

Conversely, if you see a child behaving very well in public, try and say something nice to the parents/adults with said child if you feel it is appropriate. Good behavior should be encouraged!

Actually, I find this a little patronizing sometimes.

[Twinkle]

As far as children and the general public are concerned, sometimes parents can't win.
For example:  my 3 year old throws a tantrum in the middle of the supermarket, I try my best to deal with the situation, but receive all sorts of comments from passers-by.  I get tutted at and told things like "my children wouldn't dare behave like that in public", "it's the parents fault" (what 3 year old in the world hasn't done something like that at least once?) "Oh, that's terrible" etc etc.  I am mortified by this behaviour, but sometimes little kids get themselves so worked up that you cannot reason with them, and have to take them home.  Next time DD throws a tantrum in public I recall the previous incident and resolve to be firm.  So while I am sternly telling her off, and she is loudly sobbing (purely for effect), I receive comments like "Oh, she's only young" "there's no need for that", and "the poor girl".  Let me stress I am NOT swearing, shouting or being cruel, I am merely looking DD straight in the eyes and telling her sternly that "you WILL NOT kick Mummy again, you WILL NOT roll about the floor", followed by "If you DO NOT stop this NOW, then you will be going straight home to sit on the Naughty Step.  Do you understand?"  DD acts like I have threatened her with dismemberment and screams louder!
On one occasion DD let go of my hand and tried to run across a busy road.  I managed to grab her in time and reprimanded her sharply.  (I was shaking, she could have been killed) , only for DD to then to be told by a passing teenaged school boy "tell your mum to shut up".  I glared at him and said "Do you expect me to say nothing when she could have been killed?"  The reply was "If you were my mum I wouldn't do what you told me either".  I then asked the schoolboy what he would do if it was his child, allow him/her to do as they pleased in a dangerous situation?  To which he laughed and sauntered off.
  Many people I know with kids receive the same treatment, and none of it's helpful.
The exception being a couple of older ladies and on one occasion an elderly gentleman (who must have all had grandchildren like DD)  who have been very kind and helpful and coaxed DD out of her tantrum, laughed it off and told me not to worry, that EVERY child behaves like that sometimes.  And you also get the odd person who compliments DD when she is well behaved and say things like "Aren't you a clever big girl for mummy". 
Sorry for the rant!

[Kimblee]

Don't force a child to give you a hug or kiss, even if the child is your godchild, grandchild, niece or nephew.  It sends a message that a child isn't allowed to refuse to be touched.  Even if you are the Auntie, to a 3-yr-old who sees you twice a year, you are a stranger for all intents & purposes.  The more time you spend with him or her, the child will warm up to you and feel more comfortable hugging you.

oh hell yeah.

This is so true.