But he doesn't want to invite them *UPDATE #16*

[yupitsme]

I'm throwing a surprise birthday party for my DH. He kind of knows that something is going on but he doesn't know what.

A couple of months ago he said to me "If you decide to do anything for my birthday will you promise me that you will invite my uncle Joe?" I said of course (I planned on inviting him anyways since DH is extremely close to him). I also planned on inviting his parents and brother and sister. I asked him "Are there any other relatives you would like me to invite?" He said no. I even told him to double check, think about it and let me know. A couple of weeks later he said no one else and so I sent out the invites.

The other day his mom asked me who I invited from the family and I told her. She asked if I had invited relative A and relative B and a couple of other names. I told her no, I didn't and that I asked DH and he said no one else. She told me that I should invite them. Then she told me she would call me the next day and go over a list of people who I should invite.

So what do I say to her when she calls? Should I invite these relatives or not?

Oh yeah and the party is less than 2 weeks away.

[Black Delphinium]

"Sorry, MIL, the guest list is already set."

I like the simple answers.

[caranfin]

Is MIL the type to go over your head and invite them herself?

[Trisha]

That is why I didn't tell my MIL about DH's surprise party till the invites were out.

Take the list, tell her you'll keep it for the future, but your budget and guest list are full. If she says she'll pay tell her DH has told you he wanted a SMALL party of (insert invite number) if you planned something.

[yupitsme]

Is MIL the type to go over your head and invite them herself?

She might. I was thinking about just telling her that if she wanted to mention it to them she could but that I have no more invatations to send out.

That is why I didn't tell my MIL about DH's surprise party till the invites were out.

Take the list, tell her you'll keep it for the future, but your budget and guest list are full. If she says she'll pay tell her DH has told you he wanted a SMALL party of (insert invite number) if you planned something.

I didn't tell them either. I just sent them an invite. There's really no budget or set number of people that I'm inviting.

[NestHolder]

So what do I say to her when she calls? Should I invite these relatives or not?

Oh yeah and the party is less than 2 weeks away.

I don't think a single etiquettishly-correct answer is set in stone here.  I think it's your call.  I think it depends on various things. 

Is it the kind of party where exact numbers don't much matter - eg a large venue, a buffet meal, no seating plan?  If you can't accommodate, or afford, any more guests, then the answer is No.  If you can, then it's up to you.

Do you know the relatives your MIL is talking about?  If you've never met them, and DH hasn't seen them in years, it seems pointless to invite them.  If, otoh, they're relatives you think he'd be pleased to see but just didn't think were *important*, then... it's up to you.

How well do you get on with your MIL?  What kind of person is she?  If she's prone to interfering and overriding your decisions, then the answer is No.  If she's generally pleasant, and in this case is anxious that your DH has a good time and that everything be done properly, then... it's up to you, but I'd be inclined to say Yes.  If your natural response to MIL would be "Oh, Mum, I should have asked you sooner!  Thanks for letting me know," then you probably want to invite them.  If your natural response would be 'I wish she'd stop interfering' muttered under your breath, then you most likely don't!

I know that there are all kinds of etiquette problems with "B-list" invitations etc, but I think the world in general is less worried about the formalities.  If you decide to invite more people, you could call them, or write a quick note explaining that you hadn't been sure whom to invite, and hope they won't be offended at the short notice.  If you do not wish to invite them, explain to your MIL that it isn't possible to add to the guest list at this stage.

[Trisha]

I didn't tell them either. I just sent them an invite. There's really no budget or set number of people that I'm inviting.

That's a little white lie I could live with though. Unless she knows you'd be fibbing, I'd just go with it as the reason.

[yupitsme]

His mom just called me. I didn't answer because I'm at work. She left a message and she didn't mention inviting other people. She just said she wanted to know what she could bring. I'm thinking if I let her bring something she will forget about inviting other people.

I don't know what to let her bring!

[Trisha]

His mom just called me. I didn't answer because I'm at work. She left a message and she didn't mention inviting other people. She just said she wanted to know what she could bring. I'm thinking if I let her bring something she will forget about inviting other people.

I don't know what to let her bring!

You can never have enough paper goods...

[yupitsme]

His mom just called me. I didn't answer because I'm at work. She left a message and she didn't mention inviting other people. She just said she wanted to know what she could bring. I'm thinking if I let her bring something she will forget about inviting other people.

I don't know what to let her bring!

You can never have enough paper goods...

Already got them

[Trisha]

His mom just called me. I didn't answer because I'm at work. She left a message and she didn't mention inviting other people. She just said she wanted to know what she could bring. I'm thinking if I let her bring something she will forget about inviting other people.

I don't know what to let her bring!

You can never have enough paper goods...

Already got them

Decorations? Balloons perhaps? We had 2 small balloon arrangements (about 3-4 latex and 1 mylar) on the cake table.

[yupitsme]

His mom just called me. I didn't answer because I'm at work. She left a message and she didn't mention inviting other people. She just said she wanted to know what she could bring. I'm thinking if I let her bring something she will forget about inviting other people.

I don't know what to let her bring!

You can never have enough paper goods...

Already got them

Decorations? Balloons perhaps? We had 2 small balloon arrangements (about 3-4 latex and 1 mylar) on the cake table.

You're going to hate me...they're ordered! I alrwady have everything ready that I want there. Food, cake, decorations, dj, drinks. Everything is ordered and ready to go so I don't know what to tell her.

[audrey1962]

Drinks. You can never have enough drinks.*

*I'm married to a man that puts a premium on beverage-diversity. Not even a 1,000,000 sq ft beverage emporium would have a large enough variety of drinks for him.

And there's always ice.

[Black Delphinium]

Extra chairs maybe? A variety of seating arrangements are nice.


Or Mom's Special Dish(tm)?

[Trisha]

Extra chairs maybe? A variety of seating arrangements are nice.


Or Mom's Special Dish(tm)?

That's a good idea... maybe you could ask her to make your DH's favorite "mom" dish for lunch/dinner the next day? That would give him something special the next day, while allowing you a breather.