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  • February 25, 2018, 04:05:48 AM

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Author Topic: Twin birthday gifts  (Read 989 times)

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Gina Tonic

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Twin birthday gifts
« on: November 30, 2017, 11:20:33 PM »
It's a friends 30th birthday coming up in January and I would like to buy him a present. There's just one problem, it's a joint birthday with his twin. I used to be friends with the twin but we had a big and irreparable falling out a few years ago. I have made a point of being polite to Evil Twin when we are at the same social function. I don't go out of my way to talk to him, but I don't ignore him either.

So... do I have to buy both a present or just one? And if so, would that mean spending the same on both? My plan for good twin was a voucher so it'll be obvious if there's a disparity in value. The easy way out of this is to not buy either of them anything, but that means good twin misses out because of something his brother did. What should I do?

lakey

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Re: Twin birthday gifts
« Reply #1 on: November 30, 2017, 11:45:55 PM »
Are you going to be at a joint party that is for both of them? If not, can you make plans to meet for lunch or happy hour  with good twin, and give the gift to him there? Even if you see them together on their birthday, maybe you can give the gift to good twin privately a day or so before or after.

Mustard

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Re: Twin birthday gifts
« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2017, 05:42:22 AM »
These men are 30 years old in January; at this age they are definitely separate people!  Buy the present for your friend, and wish his brother a happy birthday.  If they do have a joint party, your invitation would come from your friend, presumably, and not his brother anyway.

pattycake

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Re: Twin birthday gifts
« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2017, 07:58:29 AM »
These men are 30 years old in January; at this age they are definitely separate people!  Buy the present for your friend, and wish his brother a happy birthday.  If they do have a joint party, your invitation would come from your friend, presumably, and not his brother anyway.

Yes, this. Would it be any different if they weren't twins but born close to the same day and had shared celebrations most of their lives?

TracyXJ

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Re: Twin birthday gifts
« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2018, 11:06:47 AM »
I agree with Gina Tonic.  Find another time to give the gift when it's just the 2 of you. 

Can you imagine if you arrive at the party and the "bad twin" answered the door?  You'd then have to walk past him while carrying a gift which would really rub it in his face. 

NFPwife

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Re: Twin birthday gifts
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2018, 12:10:42 PM »
I agree with Gina Tonic.  Find another time to give the gift when it's just the 2 of you. 

Can you imagine if you arrive at the party and the "bad twin" answered the door?  You'd then have to walk past him while carrying a gift which would really rub it in his face.

To the bolded, I'm not saying I want to "rub anything in his face" but this is someone the OP isn't close to for a valid reason. They had a big and irreparable falling out. Gifts reflect the relationship between gifter and giftee and there's no relationship with the Evil Twin. Since the "evil" was the OP's, I'm assuming this twin did some egregious and I don't really see the need to protect him from the natural consequences of his actions. I might hand him a very generic happy birthday card with my signature and no personal note. I wouldn't go through any machinations to make it seem like I was treating them equally (like giving Good Twin's gift at another time) when they haven't treated me equally.

Again, I wouldn't rub his nose in it, but I also wouldn't lose any sleep over giving his brother a gift and giving him nothing more than a card.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Twin birthday gifts
« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2018, 12:43:14 PM »
If we were talking about 10 year olds, here, I'd try to find a different time to give my friend his gift.  But we're talking 30 year olds!  Take your gift for your friend and don't worry about his brother.  I wouldn't even take a birthday card; you have no relationship with ET.  Sure, say happy birthday if the opportunity presents itself but don't worry about it, otherwise.  And if ET has a snit, just quietly say to yourself that this is the reason you no longer associate with ET.  He'll look like the bacon-fed knave, not you.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

rose red

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Re: Twin birthday gifts
« Reply #7 on: February 05, 2018, 01:09:36 PM »
From the OP, the birthday happened last month. I'm curious what she ended up doing so hopefully she'll come back one day with an update.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Twin birthday gifts
« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2018, 01:20:04 PM »
Thanks, rose red.  I totally missed that!  For some reason, it came up as a new thread for me.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario