Author Topic: Disability Etiquette  (Read 14019 times)

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GoldenGemini

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Re: Disability Etiquette
« Reply #15 on: March 11, 2009, 12:21:22 AM »
If someone is deaf/hearing impaired - upon them telling you, do not say "What?"

The next person who does this may get a surprise when I burst into tears, because I have heard that sixteen times today, and it wasn't funny the first time.  ::)

Also, I don't mind if people say "This is GG, she's deaf, so speak clearly and don't face away from her while talking".  I DO mind if people say "This is GG, she's deaf as a post. Speak slowly".  Speaking slowly makes it worse, because I can no longer read your lips.  Also, I am not stupid. Speaking as if I am will only make me annoyed and less likely to bother following your conversation.

On that note, if I am deaf, or in a wheelchair (which I am occasionally), you do NOT need to bend down and talk like I am a particularly slow child.  Hello is sufficent, not "Hello dear, are you going out to play?"


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SquishyMooMoo

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Re: Disability Etiquette
« Reply #16 on: March 11, 2009, 03:03:58 AM »
Just because a car has license plates/hang tags/other designations allowing it to park in handicapped parking spots does not obligate them to do so. The person driving the vehicle may not always be the one authorized to use the tags, or may have a disability that does not always require their use. Just as you have no authority to determine who should not be allowed to park in said spaces, you also do not have the authority to determine who must park in said spaces.

When OFFERING your assistance to someone who appears they may need it, allow THEM to dictate what sort of assistance they would like. It may be easier for you to just push the person in the wheelchair somewhere, but maybe they just want someone behind them as they push themselves, or someone to assist them over a curb. You are assisting, not taking over.

Use forethought when planning something with a person with a disability. Whether it's checking ahead of time to make sure the restaurant is handicap accessible (or reserving a table on the ground floor) or merely checking with the person to see what sort of special considerations you may not be aware of, know that what YOU can do spur-of-the-moment may require careful planning on their part.

Do not assume anything, even if you are familiar with the condition of the person you are dealing with. Each person is different.





magician5

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Re: Disability Etiquette
« Reply #17 on: March 11, 2009, 04:13:15 AM »
14. Guide dogs and service dogs are working when they have their harnesses on. Don't pet them or do anything else to distract them.
15. Guide dogs and service dogs are allowed to go where dogs are not normally allowed. (Laws may vary.) Respect this and don't complain about them being there, or try to use this to justify taking your regular dog to the same places.

Oh yes. Very good points. And re 14, even when the dog has its harness off, *ask* before petting.

Also, don't feed tidbits to a guide dog. Guide dogs are (generally) on very specific diets and feeding schedules to keep them in tip top condition for work. Unusual food can really upset their tummies and put them out of action for a day or two. Not good for the owner or the dog.

Moreover, food and attention are really big elements in any dog's picture of his place in any relationship. It's essential that a service dog's attention to his job and his loyalty to his owner be absolute and unconfused by outside rewards.

Avoiding petting, attention and treats is not punishing the dog (who doesn't know that anyone else can give them unless you blow the secret). The dog's chief desire is a firm understanding of his place in "the pack," and in this case "the pack" needs to be limited to two members: the dog and the owner who depends on him.
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Hawkwatcher

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Re: Disability Etiquette
« Reply #18 on: March 11, 2009, 08:43:14 AM »


On that note, if I am deaf, or in a wheelchair (which I am occasionally), you do NOT need to bend down and talk like I am a particularly slow child.  Hello is sufficent, not "Hello dear, are you going out to play?"

What a weird thing to say.  Did this person think that you were really were not using the wheelchair but playing with it?

Oxymoroness

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Re: Disability Etiquette
« Reply #19 on: March 11, 2009, 09:27:29 AM »
If you see a person being led, or helped by another, and it's pretty obvious that they are blind ("there's a curb there, ok here's a step, and another ... I've got the door you can go through ... etc.") please do not rush past, bump the person being guided or the person doing the guiding. Please be a little patient, yes we're a bit slow but that extra 30 seconds won't kill you, I promise.

If you are working at a restaurant seating tables and I quietly ask you to please not rush, we have a person who cannot see well, I mean it ... Slow Down! She can't see where she's going and we can only lead her so fast. Again, I know you are busy but that extra 30 seconds won't kill you.

rashea

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Re: Disability Etiquette
« Reply #20 on: March 11, 2009, 11:03:08 AM »
While it's kind to allow a little extra room around a person using a wheelchair (remember that your elbows are at the same level as their face) you do not need to jump out of their way if they so much as glance in your direction. Really, I'm not in the habit of running people over.

Please don't teach your children to be afraid of me. Teach them respect, but yanking them out of the way and telling them not to look scares the,.
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GoldenGemini

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Re: Disability Etiquette
« Reply #21 on: March 11, 2009, 10:58:51 PM »


On that note, if I am deaf, or in a wheelchair (which I am occasionally), you do NOT need to bend down and talk like I am a particularly slow child.  Hello is sufficent, not "Hello dear, are you going out to play?"

What a weird thing to say.  Did this person think that you were really were not using the wheelchair but playing with it?

No, they thought I had the mental age of a small child.  Since I was heading outside, they assumed I was going out "to play". I was actually getting the keys out of the car, for my mother.  ::)


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HorseFreak

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Re: Disability Etiquette
« Reply #22 on: March 12, 2009, 10:08:44 AM »
While it's kind to allow a little extra room around a person using a wheelchair (remember that your elbows are at the same level as their face) you do not need to jump out of their way if they so much as glance in your direction. Really, I'm not in the habit of running people over.

Please don't teach your children to be afraid of me. Teach them respect, but yanking them out of the way and telling them not to look scares the,.

On the other side (I'm not saying you do this), wheelchairs and scooters are not battering rams. Breaking my foot will not make me move any faster and I'm sure you don't want me falling backwards into your lap. This goes especially for very crowded places such as amusement parks. Say "excuse me" if I don't happen to notice you since you're probably out of my peripheral vision or I'm focused on something in front of me. I know it's difficult to maneuver- I assisted my grandmother in her wheelchair for years, but I always apologized if I accidentally bumped someone.

PeytiePotatie

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Re: Disability Etiquette
« Reply #23 on: March 12, 2009, 10:09:01 AM »
Quote
16. A physical disability, including deafness, does not mean the person also has a cognitive or intellectual disability. Don't talk to people with disabilities as if they are stupid.

Pod to this. In addition...
16a. Even if you know that the individual has a mental disability (a.k.a. mental retardation, developmental delay, etc.), still do not talk to them as if they are stupid. It is appropriate to simplify your vocabulary and speak in concrete language. But it is just plain rude to talk to a person with a mental disability as though they are 2 years old (unless they are 2 years old  ;)). Just because someone has a mental disability doesn't mean that they can't tell if you're talking down to them!!

geordicat

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Re: Disability Etiquette
« Reply #24 on: March 12, 2009, 02:03:16 PM »
If someone is deaf/hearing impaired - upon them telling you, do not say "What?"

The next person who does this may get a surprise when I burst into tears, because I have heard that sixteen times today, and it wasn't funny the first time.  ::)

Also, I don't mind if people say "This is GG, she's deaf, so speak clearly and don't face away from her while talking".  I DO mind if people say "This is GG, she's deaf as a post. Speak slowly".  Speaking slowly makes it worse, because I can no longer read your lips.  Also, I am not stupid. Speaking as if I am will only make me annoyed and less likely to bother following your conversation.

On that note, if I am deaf, or in a wheelchair (which I am occasionally), you do NOT need to bend down and talk like I am a particularly slow child.  Hello is sufficent, not "Hello dear, are you going out to play?"

Not funny.  Never has been, never will be.  I get that comment frequently, and I just look at them.  I have really intensely green eyes and have perfected that penetrating stare.   Or they will flash their hands in an attempt at sign language and ask me "What did I say?" 

It's fun to respond "You said you are a Class A jerk."

Light travels faster than sound.  That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.

matf

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Re: Disability Etiquette
« Reply #25 on: March 12, 2009, 02:37:03 PM »
If you are talking to a person who uses a translator (such as a deaf person who has a sign interpreter), face the person to whom you are talking, not the translator.

(I sign, and I was talking with a friend who is deaf and another person who kept talking only to me and turning her body to non-verbally exclude my friend. And the other person was talking about lip reading and trying to learn sign language. I was rather annoyed on my friend's behalf.)

ETA: Sense. Faulty parallelism and general confusion redacted.
« Last Edit: March 12, 2009, 02:40:06 PM by matf »

nekoro

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Re: Disability Etiquette
« Reply #26 on: March 12, 2009, 04:06:31 PM »
If we're doing etiquette for both sides, then:

Having a handicap or disability does not give you carte blanche to be a jerk.  It may get you extra consideration so that you can function, but being a rude boor and then saying "I'm disabled!" just makes you a rude boor with a disability.

Edited because I do has the good grammars, really.
« Last Edit: March 12, 2009, 04:08:02 PM by nekoro »

Ondine

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Re: Disability Etiquette
« Reply #27 on: March 12, 2009, 07:56:03 PM »
Please do not stare - we already know we look different, and looking at us like we just got off a spaceship actually makes some of us feel worse about the condition/disability.

GoldenGemini

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Re: Disability Etiquette
« Reply #28 on: March 12, 2009, 10:25:32 PM »
If someone is deaf/hearing impaired - upon them telling you, do not say "What?"

The next person who does this may get a surprise when I burst into tears, because I have heard that sixteen times today, and it wasn't funny the first time.  ::)

Also, I don't mind if people say "This is GG, she's deaf, so speak clearly and don't face away from her while talking".  I DO mind if people say "This is GG, she's deaf as a post. Speak slowly".  Speaking slowly makes it worse, because I can no longer read your lips.  Also, I am not stupid. Speaking as if I am will only make me annoyed and less likely to bother following your conversation.

On that note, if I am deaf, or in a wheelchair (which I am occasionally), you do NOT need to bend down and talk like I am a particularly slow child.  Hello is sufficent, not "Hello dear, are you going out to play?"

Not funny.  Never has been, never will be.  I get that comment frequently, and I just look at them.  I have really intensely green eyes and have perfected that penetrating stare.   Or they will flash their hands in an attempt at sign language and ask me "What did I say?" 

It's fun to respond "You said you are a Class A jerk."


I usually pause for a second, then laugh really weakly.  Like "oh my, that was sooo pathetic".

I like the sign language one, I may use that.  People have occasionally signed something in the midst of the "washing hands sign language attempt", and I cannot help laughing.


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GoldenGemini

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Re: Disability Etiquette
« Reply #29 on: March 12, 2009, 10:28:38 PM »
If you are talking to a person who uses a translator (such as a deaf person who has a sign interpreter), face the person to whom you are talking, not the translator.

(I sign, and I was talking with a friend who is deaf and another person who kept talking only to me and turning her body to non-verbally exclude my friend. And the other person was talking about lip reading and trying to learn sign language. I was rather annoyed on my friend's behalf.)

ETA: Sense. Faulty parallelism and general confusion redacted.

Oh. Totally. Yes.


Consistency
It's only a virtue if you're not a screwup   - Demotivators(R)