Disability Etiquette

[GoldenGemini]

If you are talking to a person who uses a translator (such as a deaf person who has a sign interpreter), face the person to whom you are talking, not the translator.

(I sign, and I was talking with a friend who is deaf and another person who kept talking only to me and turning her body to non-verbally exclude my friend. And the other person was talking about lip reading and trying to learn sign language. I was rather annoyed on my friend's behalf.)

ETA: Sense. Faulty parallelism and general confusion redacted.

Oh. Totally. Yes.

[GoldenGemini]

If we're doing etiquette for both sides, then:

Having a handicap or disability does not give you carte blanche to be a jerk.  It may get you extra consideration so that you can function, but being a rude boor and then saying "I'm disabled!" just makes you a rude boor with a disability.

Edited because I do has the good grammars, really.

I sit close to the front of "things" because I am deaf, and I need to either see the interpreter or see the speaker's mouth.  I will usually reserve these seats if possible.  If I have not reserved any seating, my being deaf does not excuse me haranguing you to leave your seat.  I can ask politely. That is all.

If I am sitting and you need to sit down for medical/health reasons, you also can ask politely.  You can expect to hear "no, sorry" if you just say "I need to sit there", because quite frankly, so do I.  If you don't want to share your medical issues, you cannot reasonably expect that everyone will just get out of your way.  I am not saying you need to tell everyone your health problems.  I am saying if you request a seat someone is already sitting in, you will get a better response by explaining "I have a health issue, I need your seat" rather than "I want your seat".

[Moe]

Number   Offering medical advice is really not appreciated.  DD has plenty of appointments with a highly trained specialist and I really doubt any medical advice you (general you) have to give me will be more up to date than what the medical professionals we see have.

Number When you ask about a condition, and you get an answer, please don't minimize the condition in an effort to make the affected person feel better.  It really won't help.

[Oxymoroness]

Number ) [Thanks Moe, I like that numbering system  ] Please give me the benefit of the doubt. I know that I don't have a diagnosed condition, but when I tell you that I cannot understand you because that there is too much noise, (Yes, I can hear you, I just can't understand you.) I really have no idea what you just said. My brain is on overload and even if I don't have a formal diagnosis that doesn't change the fact that I have no clue what you just said.

And former co-worker, talking with your mouth full doesn't help (it interferes with what little lip-reading I can do) although that is really a different discussion altogether. 

[Elphaba]

15. Guide dogs and service dogs are allowed to go where dogs are not normally allowed. (Laws may vary.) Respect this and don't complain about them being there, or try to use this to justify taking your regular dog to the same places.

In the US at least, laws on this actually do not vary. A person with a service animal has the right per the ADA to take their service animal into ANY public place (resturant, movies, etc) the person is going, regardless of the state or local law. ADA trumps all the rest.

Outside the US though, I'm not certain....

And I do strongly POD the part about not using this to justify taking your dog somewhere if it's not a service animal. 

[GoldenGemini]

Number ) [Thanks Moe, I like that numbering system  ] Please give me the benefit of the doubt. I know that I don't have a diagnosed condition, but when I tell you that I cannot understand you because that there is too much noise, (Yes, I can hear you, I just can't understand you.) I really have no idea what you just said. My brain is on overload and even if I don't have a formal diagnosis that doesn't change the fact that I have no clue what you just said.

And former co-worker, talking with your mouth full doesn't help (it interferes with what little lip-reading I can do) although that is really a different discussion altogether. 

Blech! I agree - please don't talk with your mouth full! I am lip-reading, not lunch-reading!!  And again, yes, if I say I didn't understand that, I mean it.  I don't mean I wasn't listening.

O/T - I have this also; can hear in one ear, just can't understand that mushy noise coming through which are supposed to be words.  It is called Central Auditory Processing Disorder.  I am also deaf in my other ear, so that may affect it.

[Mad Goat Woman]

Don't tell someone with a disability/mental health/health issue that they're "so brave" for dealing with it. Chances are, we've heard it all before and will get very sick of hearing it.

*That's not to say that it's sometimes warranted; it's just one of those things that we deal with every day.

[rashea]

Don't tell someone with a disability/mental health/health issue that they're "so brave" for dealing with it. Chances are, we've heard it all before and will get very sick of hearing it.

*That's not to say that it's sometimes warranted; it's just one of those things that we deal with every day.

Yup, I'm not a hero for getting out of bed every morning. I have three choices. I can do my best to enjoy life, I can be miserable, or I can kill myself. That's true for everyone. I made the same choice that most people make.

[rashea]

Oh. The question question. I knew I was forgetting something.

Most people with disabilities are fine with you asking some general questions. But do accept a "I'm sorry, I don't like to talk about it." However, if the only thing you know about a person is their diagnosis, you better be a doctor. Get to know the whole person. We are more than our disability.

I don't mind people asking. But it does get tired when that's the only thing they want to know about me. I won't deny it's a huge part of what makes me me, but it isn't the only thing.

[Julia Mercer]

14. Guide dogs and service dogs are working when they have their harnesses on. Don't pet them or do anything else to distract them.
15. Guide dogs and service dogs are allowed to go where dogs are not normally allowed. (Laws may vary.) Respect this and don't complain about them being there, or try to use this to justify taking your regular dog to the same places.
16. A physical disability, including deafness, does not mean the person also has a cognitive or intellectual disability. Don't talk to people with disabilities as if they are stupid.

16a) Even people who have intellectual disabilities don't like being talked to as if they are stupid, they have feelings too. I have a non verbal learning disorder, and am very intelligent, and have a brain and use it, my own mother treats me like I am stupid, and then wonders why I get upset or ignore her, geez. It's because of that, I don't tell a lot of people about my "disablility".

[Nannerdoman]

The person with the disability knows her own abilities and limitations.  Don't take over an activity on the assumption that she "can't" or "shouldn't" do it.  (My aunt did that to me once at the laundromat--she started emptying the washing machine on the assumption that my heart condition made such an activity too strenuous for me.)  If the disabled person needs help, she'll ask.

[drebay]

Oh. The question question. I knew I was forgetting something.

Most people with disabilities are fine with you asking some general questions. But do accept a "I'm sorry, I don't like to talk about it." However, if the only thing you know about a person is their diagnosis, you better be a doctor. Get to know the whole person. We are more than our disability.

I don't mind people asking. But it does get tired when that's the only thing they want to know about me. I won't deny it's a huge part of what makes me me, but it isn't the only thing.

Yes.  This.  BTW.  I never mind at all if a child asks questions.  That is how they learn.  I would rather they get an honest answer rather than point and giggle after I go.

[geordicat]

Don't tell someone with a disability/mental health/health issue that they're "so brave" for dealing with it. Chances are, we've heard it all before and will get very sick of hearing it.

*That's not to say that it's sometimes warranted; it's just one of those things that we deal with every day.

Yes.  I am not brave for living with my disease.  I never asked for it.  I live my life out loud, having fun, because for me there is no other option.  I will not let the way I look force me to hide away in the dark.

A co worker has a little saying next to his computer.  "Life is not about avoiding the storms.  It's about learning to dance in the rain."  I LOVE that.

[RooRoo]

While at the museum or an art exhibition, remember that the person in the wheelchair cannot see over your shoulder. Please let them get to the front.

[camlan]

Please don't ask what is "wrong" with the person who has a disability. Ask what their condition is or why they are using a chair or cane or service dog or something like that.

I was at the mall with two friends, one who is blind and one who uses an electric scooter. The two of them were in the fitting room and I was out on the floor, looking for the correct size and color of a sweater one of them was looking for. The saleswoman came up to me and asked what was wrong with my friends. For a horrible, heartstopping minute, I thought something had happened to one of them and she had gotten hurt. Nope, the salesperson just wanted to know why one friend had a dog with her and the other had a scooter.

And I was out with my 10 year old nephew last weekend. He has a spinal cord injury and uses a power chair. Someone came up to me and asked, "What's wrong with that kid?" 1) He can hear you. And understand you. There's nothing "wrong" with his brain (as he will cheerfully inform you). He doesn't need to think that there is something "wrong." He has enough issues after half a year with the school aide from heck. 2) This is how he is. How he was born. He isn't wrong. He is affected by a genetic syndrome that caused certain orthopedic issues. He is not "wrong" or "bad." He's "different."

Asking what's "wrong" can be very hurtful.