Author Topic: Suggestion: "That topic is not open for discussion"  (Read 17486 times)

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Auntie Mame

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Suggestion: "That topic is not open for discussion"
« on: March 20, 2009, 04:03:18 PM »
I have found myself using this in a variety of situations.

1) I recently cut someone out of my life for a variety of reasons.  I still see him from time to time as we are both with the same theatre troupe (yes, when I see him, I am polite and professional but I do not engage.  I have also kept my personal feelings about him to myself).  He attempted to pester me about why I no longer spoke to him and I said "That topic is not open for discussion".  Similarly when he used the "use mutual acquaintances (and always the drama queens who live on drama on gossip) to guilt me into talking to him".  I said "That topic is not open for discussion"

2) When people pry into my personal life: "That topic is not open for discussion".

3) When people attempt to involve me gossip: "That topic is not open for discussion".  Or: "I think that's between them" and walk away.

I am ashamed to admit I used to be a HORRIBLE gossip and a "Woe as me pity party drama queen". Now I am very conscious of that and have worked very hard to change.* 

Anyone else used this or something similar?

*Heehee, a little too hard maybe, my friends now have to fuss at me "Pixie, we're your FRIENDS, you CAN tell us when your sad, it's OKAY". 
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atirial

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Re: Suggestion: "That topic is not open for discussion"
« Reply #1 on: March 26, 2009, 05:16:50 PM »
I've used it once, but it tends to be a fallback once obfuscation and beandipping fail. The problem I found is that it can be a little confrontational, and gossip queens who are told outright that you won't supply them can take it badly. 
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celine.lechat

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Re: Suggestion: "That topic is not open for discussion"
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2009, 04:41:48 AM »
I use this and its variations quite often.
I find that this conveys a very different message from beandipping (or "so kind of you to take an interest."), because even someone who's completely obtuse (and doesn't recognise beandip for what it is) will get the message.
Yes, "gossip queens" get upset when you refuse to supply them with material, but they'll get upset at bean dip as well ("why do you keep changing the subject?").

Though I think beandip is more appropriate when people attempt to include me in gossip about someone else.

While an entire new subforum for this phrase would be a bit much, I think it should be added to the beandip subforum, since they're used in similar situations?

Millionaire Maria

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Re: Suggestion: "That topic is not open for discussion"
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2009, 04:57:45 AM »
I've used it once, but it tends to be a fallback once obfuscation and beandipping fail. The problem I found is that it can be a little confrontational, and gossip queens who are told outright that you won't supply them can take it badly. 

Maybe, but this is a perfect example of etiquette not being about making people comfortable. People who are gossipping should be made to feel uncomfortable about it because it is inappropriate. "That topic is not open for discussion" or my personal favorite "I don't want to talk about that. It's none of my business" are perfectly polite ways of letting people know that what they are doing is rude.
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

nop

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Re: Suggestion: "That topic is not open for discussion"
« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2009, 08:26:33 AM »
I have found myself using this in a variety of situations.

1) I recently cut someone out of my life for a variety of reasons.  I still see him from time to time as we are both with the same theatre troupe (yes, when I see him, I am polite and professional but I do not engage.  I have also kept my personal feelings about him to myself).  He attempted to pester me about why I no longer spoke to him and I said "That topic is not open for discussion".  Similarly when he used the "use mutual acquaintances (and always the drama queens who live on drama on gossip) to guilt me into talking to him".  I said "That topic is not open for discussion"

2) When people pry into my personal life: "That topic is not open for discussion".

3) When people attempt to involve me gossip: "That topic is not open for discussion".  Or: "I think that's between them" and walk away.

My take on being told gossip about other people is to say: "It's none of my business, & I'd rather not know the details."

Luci45

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Re: Suggestion: "That topic is not open for discussion"
« Reply #5 on: September 15, 2009, 10:13:56 AM »
I use "I would rather not discuss that." It seems a little gentler and not quite like implying a correction of behavior. I guess I feel that way because I used "That topic is not open for discussion" with my children in a manner that meant that I was in charge and teaching  them.

Anything polite and making the point that "I will not gossip" and "You will not have that private information" is good. I guess it is all in how you say it.

Shortcake

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Re: Suggestion: "That topic is not open for discussion"
« Reply #6 on: January 11, 2010, 05:06:51 PM »
I use "I would rather not discuss that." It seems a little gentler and not quite like implying a correction of behavior. I guess I feel that way because I used "That topic is not open for discussion" with my children in a manner that meant that I was in charge and teaching  them.

Anything polite and making the point that "I will not gossip" and "You will not have that private information" is good. I guess it is all in how you say it.

ITA with this!
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vamomof3

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Re: Suggestion: "That topic is not open for discussion"
« Reply #7 on: November 02, 2011, 10:03:36 AM »
This is a good response I will have to remember it in the future

Fleur-de-Lis

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Re: Suggestion: "That topic is not open for discussion"
« Reply #8 on: November 02, 2011, 10:11:12 AM »
I use "I would rather not discuss that." It seems a little gentler and not quite like implying a correction of behavior. I guess I feel that way because I used "That topic is not open for discussion" with my children in a manner that meant that I was in charge and teaching  them.

Anything polite and making the point that "I will not gossip" and "You will not have that private information" is good. I guess it is all in how you say it.

In the situation in the OP with the individual who is trying to guilt the OP into interaction with him, I see no point to softening the statement.

The OP may wish to soften her wording for others, but the wholesale implication that her phrasing is too strong is not necessarily universally appropriate.
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