Author Topic: Pregnancy Related...  (Read 13723 times)

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Perfect Circle

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #45 on: September 09, 2010, 03:23:55 AM »
I have to say that I'm not offended by the honeymoon baby thing. DD isn't quite, but like I said before, she was born a day before our first anniversary, so close. What I thought was really odd was the comment 'you guys were looked so in love, we knew you'd have a baby soon.' It was really odd. I can't really put my finger on why, but it just felt weird.


'Traditionally', if a woman was pregnant at her wedding, but NOT admitting to such, when the baby came, it was said to be early....Possibly quite large for an early baby, but, an early baby!!!  Even though, in point of fact, it might have been born on it's due date.  The 2nd baby, however, didn't have to have a fudged 'conception' date, so it took its full 9 months sweet time, unless it really did come early.

I know I've told this before, but my Great Grandmother maintained until her death that my grandmother was born five months early. I feel so sorry for her that even in her nineties when she was very ill, she had to pretend. She made my mother (she was my dad's grandmother) swear she believed the premature story. Poor lady.
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Twik

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #46 on: September 10, 2010, 12:33:11 PM »
What I thought was really odd was the comment 'you guys were looked so in love, we knew you'd have a baby soon.' It was really odd. I can't really put my finger on why, but it just felt weird.


I think the weirdness is that there's the implication that they could look at you and just tell that you and your husband were scrabbling like rabbits. That would make anyone feel weird.
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Paper Roses

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #47 on: September 10, 2010, 04:34:01 PM »
What I thought was really odd was the comment 'you guys were looked so in love, we knew you'd have a baby soon.' It was really odd. I can't really put my finger on why, but it just felt weird.


I think the weirdness is that there's the implication that they could look at you and just tell that you and your husband were scrabbling like rabbits. That would make anyone feel weird.

I thought it was more like, "Well, unless you have children, you're not really in love."  But I think Twik's interpretation makes more sense.
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jassou

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #48 on: September 27, 2010, 10:23:12 AM »
I'm resurrecting this thread because the cat's out the bag, we passed the first trimester and my parents (with our permission) have start spreading our pregnancy news in the extended family. We got married less three months ago. Yes, it's literally a honeymoon baby. Earlier in the thread I said I didn't care who said what on the subject, because we're trilled and took a long time to conceive. It just happened straight after getting married, go figure.

And I'm annoyed at all the comments!! I never thought I would be, but there it is, and I have changed my opinion 180 degrees. I'm not insulted  by the assumption that I was pregnant before our wedding, so we must have been naughty (who am I kidding, we've been a cohabitating, commited couple for eight years), but I am insulted by the assumption that of course I'd get pregnant after the wedding, because we only got married in order to have children in the first place. This assumption, so out of left field and which I totally didn't anticipate, hurts; it cheapens our marriage!

I'll just go and sulk in a corner now.  :-[

Forgot to add: Does anyone have a good comeback that's not rude or defensive? I'd hate to perpetuate the assumption the only reason for our marriage was procreation, without going into detail of our reproductive history....


« Last Edit: September 27, 2010, 10:26:25 AM by jassou »

Jaelle

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #49 on: September 27, 2010, 12:19:29 PM »
I don't think I'd use a comeback at all, just a kind of "You really just said that? Huh" smile.

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To me, it's the "get-married-just-to-procreate" thing that gets insulting, not the "honeymoon baby" title. My parents were married 42 years ago at ages 19 and 21. Mom is still a bit smug that while people were expecting a baby less than nine months later (and told her so!), I was born four years later. :)

Yeah, because the only reason they'd get married is because she was pregnant ... not because they were in love.  ::) Insulting.
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TheaterDiva1

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #50 on: September 27, 2010, 12:33:08 PM »
Tell them you were looking for 2010 but took a wrong turn in the DeLorean and wound up in 1955 by mistake.

Okay, Evil TheaterDiva's going back in the dungeon where she belongs... Seriously, if they ask, play dumb: "Huh?  What do you mean?  Why would I want to do that?"

supernova

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #51 on: September 28, 2010, 02:24:27 PM »
leila was born 9 days after our first anniversary, and I got the "honeymoon baby" thing too. I had to laugh when a woman at my church said "Well honey all I know is that the first baby can come at any time after the wedding. The second baby waits at least 9 months though..."  ::)

 ???

I don't get it.

'Traditionally', if a woman was pregnant at her wedding, but NOT admitting to such, when the baby came, it was said to be early....Possibly quite large for an early baby, but, an early baby!!!  Even though, in point of fact, it might have been born on it's due date.  The 2nd baby, however, didn't have to have a fudged 'conception' date, so it took its full 9 months sweet time, unless it really did come early.

An ages-old quote, often used or paraphrased by even such great authors as the late R.A. Heinlein:

"It is well known that an eager bride can accomplish in seven months or less what takes cow or countess nine."

In other words, it was incumbent upon polite society to assume that a newlywed couple's first baby could very easily be born early, and that to speculate, finger-count, or gossip about it was unspeakably rude.

It's a polite social fiction, along the lines of "Horses sweat, men perspire, ladies glow."  Of course women sweat!  But pointing it out is rude. 

Marbles

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #52 on: October 03, 2010, 01:06:45 AM »
OK, I admit that I had some friends announce they were 4 weeks pregnant less than 2 weeks after the wedding, and I did the math in my head.  :-\ HOWEVER, the only thing I said was, "Congratulations!"
Strictly speaking, the first two weeks of a pregnancy are the weeks before that woman ovulates (doctors have to pick a date to measure by, so they have selected the first day of the last menstrual cycle to measure from.) A woman isn't actually carrying the baby until roughly the beginning of week 3.

Twik

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #53 on: October 10, 2010, 07:33:22 PM »
On the opposite side, I recall reading that in Puritan society it was an absolute belief that pregnancy took nine months, never less, so preemies resulted in great social scandal. I suspect many couples were privately counselled to wait a couple of months for consummation.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Darcy

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #54 on: October 11, 2010, 03:57:14 AM »
On the opposite side, I recall reading that in Puritan society it was an absolute belief that pregnancy took nine months, never less, so preemies resulted in great social scandal. I suspect many couples were privately counselled to wait a couple of months for consummation.

I think they would also harass and shout at a woman during the birth if the father was unknown, to try to get a name from her. :-\

Sophia

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #55 on: October 11, 2010, 11:22:37 AM »
I thought that wasn't so much morality, but a desire to have someone other than society pay for the child.