"Please invest in a property with us!" (long, very sorry.)

[Fran08]

Tell her you're not interested in going in on the property because you don't believe in joint ownership of real estate.  I know 3 people who went for this sort of thing and it turned out absolutely disastrously for all 3 of them.  Even if you were flush with cash buy the property for yourself, but don't buy it "with" anyone else.  Any money you invest in something like that is at serious risk IMHO.

They are not as interested in having you as a joint owner I don't think, so much as a means to subsidize a lifestyle they aspire to, but can't afford for themselves.

I have been approached by these "great deals" myself twice, and my answer is always no, even though I have the money.

I agree, these people are going to get themselves in big trouble, I see it all the time with couples who are not married - another big no no.  A simple thanks but no thanks should suffice I would think.

[Dragonflymom]

I came back to say--if it were my cousin, the "damage the rel@tionship" would have just been done.

It would take a LONG time for me to erase the aura of covetousness that now surrounded her. From the very first e-mail.

POD - my hackles would be up at even being asked!  And I'd find myself questioning all my interactions with her, wondering if she was just nice because she wanted something.  That is just way too nervy of a request.

[BabyMama]

lol, I'd be tempted to e-mail back, "While I was deliberating your offer, I noticed that our undeveloped lot next door is for sale. While it's not big enough to build another house, it would substantially increase our own lot size, and in turn would be a perfect place for you and your husband to camp. Sounds like a great idea, right? Why don't you give me your bank account information so I can start the purchasing process right away?"

In all seriousness, even if location wasn't an issue, I'd really wonder about the "we're not helping buy it but we're putting X amount of work into it, "earning" our share" thing. What happens when their work surpasses the cost? Is this property earning plan constantly going? I can see this ending badly...

[demarco]

If Jenny is that badly off that they can't afford to put any money into it, who's going to pay for all the supplies for the repairs?

I wonder if they would expect you, as part owner, to come up with the money for the supplies and, if you didn't, use that as an excuse for not doing any  work.  

I agree with those above who suggest saying you are not interested and will not participate then change the subject.

I am amazed at this woman's nerve.

[Queen of Clubs]

ETA: Beauregard  beat me to it

By about 30 seconds.  Great minds think alike!

I'm not sure I like "thanks for the offer"--she's not offering you anything. Don't participate in perpetuating that myth.


"Jenny: I'm sorry to disappoint you, but we're really not interested in helping you with that land purchase. We have no interest in a vacation home at all, let alone 500 miles away from us. And we don't have the spare cash to help you finance your dream. And we have a rule that says we never make investments with family. "

That is true - it's not actually an offer.  I'm still shaking my head over it.

[hobish]

lol, I'd be tempted to e-mail back, "While I was deliberating your offer, I noticed that our undeveloped lot next door is for sale. While it's not big enough to build another house, it would substantially increase our own lot size, and in turn would be a perfect place for you and your husband to camp. Sounds like a great idea, right? Why don't you give me your bank account information so I can start the purchasing process right away?"

In all seriousness, even if location wasn't an issue, I'd really wonder about the "we're not helping buy it but we're putting X amount of work into it, "earning" our share" thing. What happens when their work surpasses the cost? Is this property earning plan constantly going? I can see this ending badly...

I love this. It really puts things into perspective.

[Chocolate Cake]

One wonders why they were even looking at a place they obviosly can't afford by themselves...

It's a case of their eyes (wants) being bigger than their stomachs (funds). 

How ingenius!  Let's get someone else to pay all the bills so we can get what we want!!!!!

[caranfin]

lol, I'd be tempted to e-mail back, "While I was deliberating your offer, I noticed that our undeveloped lot next door is for sale. While it's not big enough to build another house, it would substantially increase our own lot size, and in turn would be a perfect place for you and your husband to camp. Sounds like a great idea, right? Why don't you give me your bank account information so I can start the purchasing process right away?"

Hee! Love this.

In all seriousness, even if location wasn't an issue, I'd really wonder about the "we're not helping buy it but we're putting X amount of work into it, "earning" our share" thing. What happens when their work surpasses the cost? Is this property earning plan constantly going? I can see this ending badly...

"So, you want us to pony up $30K for this property. In order to earn your third, you'll need to provide $30K worth of materials and labor. How, exactly, do you plan to do this? We'll consider the offer after we see your itemized proposal. Also, I assume as one-third owners, we would have exclusive rights to the property one-third of the time? Because when we're not using it, we'd like to rent our weeks out to others."

[Punga]

I wonder if they would expect you, as part owner, to come up with the money for the supplies and, if you didn't, use that as an excuse for not doing any  work.  

I would bet on this outcome. 

Also, do cousins have a track record of "flipping" homes or other extensive home reno experience?  Or any home reno experience? 

Just say no.

[hyzenthlay]

In all seriousness, even if location wasn't an issue, I'd really wonder about the "we're not helping buy it but we're putting X amount of work into it, "earning" our share" thing. What happens when their work surpasses the cost? Is this property earning plan constantly going? I can see this ending badly...

"So, you want us to pony up $30K for this property. In order to earn your third, you'll need to provide $30K worth of materials and labor. How, exactly, do you plan to do this? We'll consider the offer after we see your itemized proposal. Also, I assume as one-third owners, we would have exclusive rights to the property one-third of the time? Because when we're not using it, we'd like to rent our weeks out to others."

Yeah I love their e-mail - 'We'll be looking into a generator' not buying one or anything, just looking into one.  And graveling the driveway? With what gravel? Even cheap junk is 25 bucks a ton, plus delivery. Heck they even have their excuse for doing nothing in the initial e-mail. They don't need to finish the cabin, they can just camp there  

I mean honestly, has the sweat equity for a shared home EVER worked out well?

ETA: I am an accountant - I think this is a bad idea. My spouse is also an accountant - he thinks this is a bad idea. Since she respects the opinion of accountants, feel free to quote me 

[magician5]

"It would be like your very own timeshare without all the hassle of dealing with a bunch of other people trying to have it at the same time you want it.  Plus it would be a really good investment down the road."

That's a bit like "It would be like your very own attack of the plague, plus down the road you'd have just about as much chance of ever selling it." It's dicey at best to approach friends about a financial proposition, and WAY rude to ask again after getting a "no." (BTW, your "no" was extremely polite and well-worded).

It's always hazardous (in terms of unforeseen and ugly consequences) to go into any kind of financial transaction with friends or family, and owning an undivided interest in real property would be just insane. You did the wise thing.

[Drunken Housewife]

I would point out to her that it's NOT an investment for you in any way, shape, or manner.

An investment is something that you later cash out at a profit.  How can you cash out of your cousin's vacation property?  How on earth could you sell one third of a camp site in the mountains where your cousin will be spending all her weekends?  No one outside the family (and maybe not even many in it) would want to buy that.

More to the point, your cousin will most likely want to hang on to to this second property for the rest of her life and pass it on to her children.  Where is the pay off for you?  When do you get to profit off your "investment"? 

[helixa]

Ah, but no you didnt use the Ehell phrase. You offered reasons why not, which she then dutifully countered.  You cant counter a "Sorry, that wont be possible." That's why it's a complete sentence in and of itself.

POD We all run into problems because we try to be nice and come up with reasons to soften the blow of refusal, in this case any reasons just serve as obstacles for her to get rid of and then you'll be able to go ahead without any excuses. Just keep reiterating that it won't be possible and bean dipping, if it becomes unbearable you might need to say something blunt like "we've been through this and we've said no, can you please give it a rest?" - wording depending on your relationship. She has probably brought into the illusion so much that she honestly believes this is a wonderful deal for you and can't understand why you'd decline.

To start with I saw it was addressed to "Sis" and without remembering the first line, or your name, thought it was your sister, when I realised it was your cousin I was even more gobsmacked!  

[lmyrs]

I'd start off your next email with that "Jenny, we're not interested in the property. So, how was X practice last night? You know, DH has been doing YYY, and I think it's so cool! I was wondering about ZZZ.  Have you spoken to aunt flip recently? I did QQQ and I had such fun! I really appreciated the RRRR. blah, blah, blah..."

If she mentions it yet again, simply DO.NOT.RESPOND (not even a "thanks, but no thanks.")

As for not damaging the rel@tionship, you've responded in a reasonable and polite manner.  If *she* pursues it after you've declined twice, its *her* telling you she doesnt care about damaging the rel@tionship, not the other way around. 

I would not even go into ZZZ and QQQ, etc. Don't muddy this. Respond with:

Jenny, We are not interested in purchasing any vacation property at this time and if some time down the road we choose to do so, it will definitely be somewhere more accessible to our home and exclusively ours. Thank you for thinking of us but it just isn't going to work.

That's it. No more. Don't muddy it.

[extranormal]

One wonders why they were even looking at a place they obviosly can't afford by themselves...

It's a case of their eyes (wants) being bigger than their stomachs (funds). 

How ingenius!  Let's get someone else to pay all the bills so we can get what we want!!!!!

Jenny's logic is most entertaining. We want this property, but we cannot afford it by ourselves. Oh, good. Mom and Dad just offered to buy half. Now we just have to find somebody to purchase the other half, and we'll have our land!

If I had some ham, I could have ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.