Author Topic: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!" -- Update, p. 2  (Read 14268 times)

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Ms_Cellany

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My partner and I were at a museum this afternoon, and as we entered one gallery, a member of the museum security staff said "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"

We kind of goggled for a minute and said "What?"

"Looks like you're having a ladies' day out!"

I gently touched his shoulder and said "Think about it for a minute." He then said "What?" and my partner said "There's another option."

Took him a second, but then the penny dropped and he just sort of went "Oh" and went away looking sheepish.

How'd we do?
« Last Edit: September 17, 2009, 12:18:32 PM by PackRat »
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Shoo

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2009, 11:43:32 PM »
My partner and I were at a museum this afternoon, and as we entered one gallery, a member of the museum security staff said "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"

We kind of goggled for a minute and said "What?"

"Looks like you're having a ladies' day out!"

I gently touched his shoulder and said "Think about it for a minute." He then said "What?" and my partner said "There's another option."

Took him a second, but then the penny dropped and he just sort of went "Oh" and went away looking sheepish.

How'd we do?

I think you could have said, "Yes, we are." and left it at that.  There was no need to hint at your relationship status, IMO.  All in all, though, you could have done worse.  :)

Ms_Cellany

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2009, 11:51:15 PM »
There was no need to hint at your rel@tionship status, IMO.  All in all, though, you could have done worse.  :)

He was the one who opened with a comment about what our rel@tionship status was. And in a way that was irritating-bordering-on-offensive to us. Imagine if you had been out with a friend of the same sex and a complete stranger said, "It's so nice to see a g*a*y couple enjoying their day."

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eta to add my partner's comment: "If someone's going to air an assumption about you, you can at least make sure it's a correct assumption."
« Last Edit: April 05, 2009, 11:53:05 PM by PackRat »
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Alida

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2009, 11:52:48 PM »
He was the one who opened with a comment about what our rel@tionship status was. And in a way that was irritating-bordering-on-offensive to us. Imagine if you had been out with a friend of the same sex and a complete stranger said, "It's so nice to see a g*a*y couple enjoying their day."

It would also be something to ignore.

Out of curiosity, why did you touch him?

Ms_Cellany

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2009, 11:57:41 PM »
The touching him was the one etiquette concern I had. It was completely spontaneous, and rather out of character for me. it just felt right. He was an older gentleman, and said things in a very friendly, warm way, so I guess I wanted to convey that we were, literally, reaching out to him, not being confrontative. (We both spoke softly in our responses.)
« Last Edit: April 05, 2009, 11:59:12 PM by PackRat »
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hellgirl

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2009, 01:21:17 AM »
A simple "No, no men at home  :)" may have corrected his assumption just as well while not make anything of his assumption. He then could have made whatever further assumptions he wished in the privacy of his own head. I worry that your reply may have embarressed him, although the lesson to not assume the world is hetero is a good one.

I think I'd have been hard pressed not to reply "Well yes... it's always 'Ladies Day' at our house." Paired with a puzzled look that could have done the trick  :)

Or maybe "Why on earth would there be men at our house?  ??? "

But I think you did okay.


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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2009, 02:06:23 AM »

His approach was not a good one, though his intentions probably were friendly. What if you were both divorced, or widowed? That would just as hard to hear, I imagine.

It was not very well-thought out on his part. I would say the response was fine though. My friend's aunts (or at least one of them) would have been a lot more blunt.

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2009, 03:21:43 AM »
I don't think there was any reason to engage as far as he did. He was just a random person that you wouldn't see again. I'd have simply said "yes" or laughed and walked away. Continuing to engage and touching a stranger had the possibility of not going well for any of you. Not every assumption needs complete correction and analysis.

Imagine if you had been out with a friend of the same sex and a complete stranger said, "It's so nice to see a g*a*y couple enjoying their day."
Happened darn-near daily. We were even invited to Couple's Night by our new neighbors when we moved into an apartment together at 19. :P We never cared, nor did we take the time to stop and explain to strangers that we were just best friends, yada yada. Simply wasn't worth our time and energy.
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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2009, 10:19:25 AM »
My partner and I were at a museum this afternoon, and as we entered one gallery, a member of the museum security staff said "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"

We kind of goggled for a minute and said "What?"

"Looks like you're having a ladies' day out!"

I gently touched his shoulder and said "Think about it for a minute." He then said "What?" and my partner said "There's another option."

Took him a second, but then the penny dropped and he just sort of went "Oh" and went away looking sheepish.

How'd we do?

I think that you went a bit too far. Correcting people who are trying to make "small talk" as part of their function as someone employed with dealing with the public is not really polite. "No, not really," and moving on would have been much more appropriate.

BTW, there are *at least* TWO other options, not just one, that might have applied.

And touching him was quite rude. If *he* started doing the same thing to the patrons, many people would be VERY upset, and complain to his management.
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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #9 on: April 06, 2009, 10:23:45 AM »
I would have laughed and said "Oh, don't assume all ladies have a man waiting at home." Which works for either of the alternative situations.
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Ms_Cellany

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2009, 11:04:58 AM »
And touching him was quite rude. If *he* started doing the same thing to the patrons, many people would be VERY upset, and complain to his management.

I'll take the hit on that. I thought exactly that later.
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Lyssiej

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2009, 04:16:15 PM »
While I agree that the touching is iffy, I don't think you did anything at all rude.  My ex-girlfriend and I looked vaguely similar (same build, skin color, similar hair) and often people commented on how nice it was to see two sisters enjoying dinner/etc. together.  Each time, I smiled and said, "Actually, this is my girlfriend."  I'd have done the same had they mistaken a boyfriend for my brother.

afbluebelle

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #12 on: April 09, 2009, 01:36:34 AM »
Holy fish fry I just got the point of this story....

Wowzers.  I think I need to go to bed, me brain is hurted.
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hobish

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #13 on: April 09, 2009, 01:46:07 AM »

You did just fine, and neither you or he were rude.

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Ms_Cellany

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #14 on: April 09, 2009, 04:08:31 PM »
Holy fish fry

I am definitely stealing this line!  One might even say...poaching it.
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