Author Topic: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!" -- Update, p. 2  (Read 13955 times)

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Sable

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #15 on: April 11, 2009, 10:57:17 AM »
I think the OP wasn't rude if she and her partner delivered their statements in the gentle "matter of fact" way described.  I do think the touching may have crossed the line.

The part that I find interesting is that other posters thought 'clarifying' the relationship was going to far.  They didn't do it in a 'in your face' manner and they were polite.  Just because someone has an alternative lifestyle doesn't mean they have to just ignore wrongfull assumptions.

(says a woman who has lived with this for 20+ years)

NOVA Lady

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #16 on: April 11, 2009, 11:21:42 AM »
I dont see anything rude about clarifying the situation.

Me and my best friend look sort of similar and are very close and people often assume we are sisters (some people have quessed twins... which I do not see) we corrected them.

My husband has the same hair and eye color as me and if someone assumes we are sibling we correct them.

If someone was assuming I'd left my partner at home when in fact I was out with them I would correct them as well. I've been out with a male friend and I'd sure correct an assumption that we were together. If someone refers to DH as my "friend" I correct them and say husband.

You already know it was better not to touch him, and thats the only impolite thing I saw in the senario.

Alida

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #17 on: April 11, 2009, 11:12:49 PM »
I don't see why anything needs to be clarified to people that will never be seen again.  My brother and I have often been mistaken for husband and wife instead of siblings.  I'm dark haired with dark eyes and an olive complexion (thanks, Dad) and brother, when he's not working out outdoors, is very pale with blue eyes and light hair (thanks, Mom).  It's no one else's business what we are to one another and they're free to mistake all they'd like.

Ms_Cellany

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #18 on: April 13, 2009, 10:41:32 AM »
I appreciate the variety of answers. Good food for thought, and thank you.

Just to play devil's advocate to those who've said they wouldn't clarify the situation, though: I've seen postings in which, say, someone who had a child with some sort of condition that led to other people to assume he/she was just a brat or bad parenting was involved, and the parent has corrected them.

How is this different?
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caranfin

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #19 on: April 13, 2009, 04:22:35 PM »
I don't see why anything needs to be clarified to people that will never be seen again. 

Need? No, it didn't need to be done. But I consider a mild and polite correction of this type of assumption to be a favor to the world in general, and to the assumer in particular.
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bopper

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #20 on: April 27, 2009, 08:53:02 AM »
You know what happens when you read too fast:

I thought the "he" that you touched was your partner and the security staff's interesting assumption was that your partner was female!


wednesdaygirl

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #21 on: April 27, 2009, 02:06:04 PM »
I don't see why anything needs to be clarified to people that will never be seen again. 

Need? No, it didn't need to be done. But I consider a mild and polite correction of this type of assumption to be a favor to the world in general, and to the assumer in particular.

THIS.

immadz

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #22 on: April 27, 2009, 10:44:37 PM »
My partner and I were at a museum this afternoon, and as we entered one gallery, a member of the museum security staff said "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"

We kind of goggled for a minute and said "What?"

"Looks like you're having a ladies' day out!"

I gently touched his shoulder and said "Think about it for a minute." He then said "What?" and my partner said "There's another option."

Took him a second, but then the penny dropped and he just sort of went "Oh" and went away looking sheepish.

How'd we do?

I think that you went a bit too far. Correcting people who are trying to make "small talk" as part of their function as someone employed with dealing with the public is not really polite. "No, not really," and moving on would have been much more appropriate.
BTW, there are *at least* TWO other options, not just one, that might have applied.

And touching him was quite rude. If *he* started doing the same thing to the patrons, many people would be VERY upset, and complain to his management.

Small talk should not include assumptions about anybody's particular relationship status. It is something people who have to make small talk should probably know.


doreen_s

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #23 on: May 03, 2009, 01:10:13 AM »
Thank you for attempting to educate without being rude.

heathert

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #24 on: May 11, 2009, 09:09:55 PM »
I would have laughed and said "Oh, don't assume all ladies have a man waiting at home." Which works for either of the alternative situations.

This works, I think, but I don't see anything wrong with Packrat's answer, minus the touching. Sometimes people need a reality check.  :)

Heather

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #25 on: May 11, 2009, 09:15:06 PM »
The touching was rude, but the rest of the answer was fine, as long as you were fine with announcing your orientation.

You could have also looked at him and said, "No, nobody was left at home" and walked on.
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RingTailedLemur

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #26 on: May 12, 2009, 10:26:17 AM »
"Well yes... it's always 'Ladies Day' at our house."

I love this  :)

abfabmom

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #27 on: May 19, 2009, 05:24:42 PM »
Your response made me laugh, but it probably wasn't needed.  I agree that a simple "Yes, we did" would have done the trick.

[/quote]He was the one who opened with a comment about what our rel@tionship status was. [/quote]

In truth, I can't wholly agree that he opened with a comment about your rel@tionship status.  He simply commented that you came without men.  Responding with "Yes, we did" would have been accurate, and would have avoided his embarrassment (whether or not we think he needed it).

[/quote]Imagine if you had been out with a friend of the same sex and a complete stranger said, "It's so nice to see a g*a*y couple enjoying their day."[/quote]

I've had worse.  My BFF is older than me, but I've been accused of being her mother (thankfully, I was too speechless to comment on that one)!  Oh.  Yeah.  And I forgot.  Whenever the two of us are out together, we're inevitably assumed to be a romantic couple, simply because we call each other "babe" and "sweetie".  Whatever.  I don't really care much what random strangers think about my rel@tionships.


nyarlathotep

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"
« Reply #28 on: May 20, 2009, 01:28:17 AM »
Thank you for attempting to educate without being rude.

Seconded.

I'm not usually a fan of announcing one's personal orientation to the world (after all, whose business is it what people do in private?), but I think in this case it's important to make the correction, as nicely and politely as possible :)

Ms_Cellany

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Re: "I guess you ladies left the men at home today!"-- Update p. 2
« Reply #29 on: September 17, 2009, 12:18:15 PM »
I found out yesterday that a friend of mine is a volunteer at the museum, and mentioned the encounter to her. She was appalled. We could think of so many ways in which the guard's statement could  offend or hurt someone (for instance, a youngish friend of ours with two children under 8 just lost her husband to cancer. What if he had said that to her on her first trip out in public?).

Friend also noted that we had been in the children's interactive center when the guard said this -- a place where all sorts of families visit, and no one should assume anything.

Any rate, Friend said she'd mention this to the administration -- not to get the guy in trouble, but to pass on the word that perhaps the staff should focus on comments such as "Welcome," "Are you enjoying yourself today?" "Good afternoon."

Nice resolution to it.

« Last Edit: September 17, 2009, 12:20:12 PM by PackRat »
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