Author Topic: Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette  (Read 48592 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

JoanOfArc

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1322
Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette
« on: April 26, 2009, 11:38:36 AM »
Modified to take the great suggestions! 

I didn't see this topic addressed; having lived with a couple of roommate/housemate situations, I thought I'd put out my ideas for a sucessful roommate/housemate rel@tionship. 

Roommate/Housemate Etiquette

1.  Treat your roommate/housemate as you wish to be treated. 

2.  Establish ground rules, such as how to deal with common areas, cleaning duties etc.  These will ensure that you and your roommate/housemate are on the same page. 

3.  Be respectful of each other’s space.  Do not sit on your roommate’s bed without permission; do not enter your housemate’s room without permission. 

4.  Be respectful of your roommate’s/housemate’s schedule.  If you and your roommate/housemate have opposite schedules, be quiet when he or she resting.  Use headphones at those times when listening to music/watching videos. 

5.  Discuss having overnight guests before you invite them.  Decide how long they will stay and where they will sleep.  This goes for friends as well as romantic partners. 

6.  If you have pets (and are allowed to do so), take care of them.  Do not leave your dog for 36 hours and assume your housemate will be around to let the dog out.  Do not assume the housemate will feed your cat.   Ask first. 

7.  Do not bring illegal substances into the house or room without discussing it with your roommate.  And if your housemate or roommate is strongly opposed to the use of illegal substances, respect that and keep it out of the house.  If you cannot/ will not, find a new place to live.  Some people’s careers can be ruined by association with drugs.  A disscussion about allergies and how to deal with allergens in the house is also a good idea. 

8.  Do not eat your roommate/housemate’s food without permission.  Some roommate share staples, but that should be discussed before hand.  If you use something up, replace it ASAP. 

9.  Be friendly, but aware everyone has days/times when they do not want to talk.  Respect that.
 
10.  Successful housemate/roommate rel@tionships boil down to respect and communication.  When in doubt, talk about the issue.  Being passive aggressive is rude and ineffective.  Best friends or buddies is not the goal with communication lines, it is to keep the shared living areas running smoothly. A situation where you each take responsibility for your own possessions, parties and daily living helps increase respect between suitemates.   

11) Just because X bedroom is "your space" it does not give you the right to be a total slob there(leaving half eaten plates of food around, not cleaning your cat's litter box, allowing dirty clothing to gain sentience). If it bad enough that it can be noticed outside your room with the door closed, it needs to be cleaned up. If you want to be that dirty, live alone/with like-minded slobs).

12) When discussing living together prior to actually signing a lease/moving in, be honest. Don't claim that your last apartment was so gross because (anything not your fault). You lived their, you could have done something.

13) You don't have to be buddy-buddy, but excluding one roommate while including all the other roommates in something(unless there are only 3 of you, but even then) is rude(barring it being an activity they can't participate in, like having some of your mom's awesome peanut butter fudge when they're allergic).

14) If you are having trouble with your boyfriend/girlfriend, deal with the issue yourself.  Do not leave it up to your roommate to run interference.

15) If you decide that you want to live alone, discuss possible solutions with your roommate.  Do not try drive your roommate out of the home by locking him or her out. Do not sleep with your roommate's boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé

16.  If you own the home and are renting a room to someone, remember that they don't pay you rent to be a guest in your house. As long as they are paying, it is their home too. It is not their house, but it is their home. Treat them the same way you wish to be treated in your home

17.  Do not handle your roommate's property without their permission or invade their private spaces

Did I miss anything?  Are these good rules? 
Joan
« Last Edit: April 26, 2009, 08:24:54 PM by JoanOfArc »
Chicken-keeper, welder, artist, student and lover of all things literary.

Black Delphinium

  • The Black Flower
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7492
Re: Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette
« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2009, 11:47:28 AM »
7a) Ditto major allergens.

11) Just because X bedroom is "your space" it does not give you the right to be a total slob there(leaving half eaten plates of food around, not cleaning your cat's litter box, allowing dirty clothing to gain sentience). If it bad enough that it can be noticed outside your room with the door closed, it needs to be cleaned up. If you want to be that dirty, live alone/with like-minded slobs).

12) When discussing living together prior to actually signing a lease/moving in, be honest. Don't claim that your last apartment was so gross because (anything not your fault). You lived their, you could have done something.

13) You don't have to be buddy-buddy, but excluding one roommate while including all the other roommates in something(unless there are only 3 of you, but even then) is rude(barring it being an activity they can't participate in, like having some of your mom's awesome peanut butter fudge when they're allergic).

When angels go bad, they go worse than anyone. Remember, Lucifer was an angel. ~The Marquis De Carabas

Hawkwatcher

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2818
Re: Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette
« Reply #2 on: April 26, 2009, 12:36:29 PM »
4 a) Music/television: please turn down your music and/or television down late at night so that your roommate can sleep.

14) If you are having trouble with your boyfriend/girlfriend, deal with the issue yourself.  Do not leave it up to your roommate to run interference.

15) If you decide that you want to live alone, discuss possible solutions with your roommate.  Do not try drive your roommate out of the home by locking him or her out. Do not sleep with your roommate's boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé (yes, I know of a case where this happened).


Daffydilly

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2357
  • Live;) Laugh;( Pretend you're sane :-}
Re: Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette
« Reply #3 on: April 26, 2009, 02:07:32 PM »
If you are in a situation where you are required to share a common area/bathroom/room with someone else, communication is good. When you refuse to clean, follow up discussions about the living spaces or acknowledge them in any way, it can be frustrating to the other person.
Best friends or buddies is not the goal with communication lines, it is to keep the shared living areas running smoothly. A situation where you each take responsibility for your own possessions, parties and daily living helps increase respect between suitemates.

gollymolly2

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2646
Re: Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette
« Reply #4 on: April 26, 2009, 02:32:07 PM »
Communicate. If you have a problem with something, say it. Just because you think something should be obvious doesnt mean it is.

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 29353
  • a/k/a KeenReader
Re: Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette
« Reply #5 on: April 26, 2009, 06:50:40 PM »
Do not handle your roommate's property without their permission or invade their private spaces.
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

Black Delphinium

  • The Black Flower
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7492
Re: Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette
« Reply #6 on: April 26, 2009, 09:53:58 PM »
Do not handle your roommate's property without their permission or invade their private spaces.
There needs to be a "within reason" clause here. If my roommate has filled the sink with dirty dishes, I should be able to move them out, wash my dishes, then put them back.

Or, in my previous rule 11), if there is something breeding flies in my roommates room, I'd like to be able to remove it.
When angels go bad, they go worse than anyone. Remember, Lucifer was an angel. ~The Marquis De Carabas

YogaChick

  • Guest
Re: Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette
« Reply #7 on: April 26, 2009, 11:29:09 PM »
-No "double standards."  So, if one roommate is going to blast rap music into the wee hours of the morning, she shouldn't get mad at another roommate for walking on the tiled floor wearing shoes while getting ready for school at nine o'clock on a Tuesday morning.

-"Pre-drinking," by its very nature, implies "a precursor to another phase of drinking," which should take place OUTSIDE of the apartment.  Some people want to sleep.

-No blatantly antagonistic behaviour.  It's fine to cook bacon if you like it, but your vegetarian roommate can't stand the smell, so please, clean up that greasy mess when you're done.  Also, this lack of animal protein has not addled your vegetarian roommate's brain any--if you suddenly start eating bacon three meals a day for a week straight (and not cleaning it up), she's going to figure out that you're trying to get rid of her.

-If you're allergic to something, SPEAK UP!!!  For example, if air freshener makes you sick, a good time to say something would be either on move-in day, or before that.  Mid-spray is too late.

-If you're going to be a slob in communal areas, don't forbid other roommates from cleaning up the mess.  Some people want to cook, so don't get uppity if they need to move your week-old stack of dirty plates to do it.

-Don't monopolize communal areas either.  Yes, that jigsaw puzzle is very nice, but don't leave it set up on the kitchen table for days on end.  People need that space to eat, study, clean their instruments, etc.

-If your roommate lets you watch her DVD's, treat them with respect--don't take them into your room, leave them lying around, out of their cases, and then yell at her for moving them.

-Sharing should be reciprocal.  So, it's not cool to use your roommate's belongings, but keep yours sacrosanct.  Also, cliques aren't cool--a "three against one" dynamic just isn't kosher, especially when Number Four is "one of the group" when you want to use her things, but not at any other time.

-If one roommate has different lifestyle habits than you do, don't make fun of her.  She doesn't pass judgement on you for drinking until the room spins (except to ask if you're okay when she sees you throwing up at two in the morning, mere feet from her bedroom), so don't judge her for exercising, trying to eat right, and avoiding *most* harmful substances.

-"Might" does not make "right."  Maybe you're six feet tall and 220 pounds, and maybe you happen to be remarkably adept with a horse whip.  Please don't use this as a means of intimidating your smaller and less pugnacious roommates.

 

readingchick

  • Trivia Buff
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2647
Re: Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette
« Reply #8 on: April 27, 2009, 09:17:17 AM »
Making snarky comments when your roommate (or tenant, whatever the case may be) goes out either with a group of friends or with a significant other is not cool. It will not earn you brownie points with the aforementioned group of friends or significant other.

YogaChick

  • Guest
Re: Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette
« Reply #9 on: April 27, 2009, 01:27:15 PM »
P.S.  All my "rules" are based on true stories--including the one about the horse whip.

Bexx27

  • Striving to meet the minimum requirements of social acceptability
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1882
Re: Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette
« Reply #10 on: April 27, 2009, 03:17:13 PM »
-If you use your room mate's cooking equipment (pots, pans, collanders, etc.), please wash them promptly so your room mate doesn't have to clean up after you in order to cook his/her own meal.

-If you have your own bathroom, don't take toilet paper from your room mates' bathroom without replacing it. Again, promptly.

-Don't put up controversial or offensive decorations in common areas.
How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these. -George Washington Carver

NsWife

  • Guest
Re: Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette
« Reply #11 on: April 27, 2009, 03:23:38 PM »
Please make it a point to never leave dirty dishes in the sink.....and make sure all your household chores (like taking out trash, vacuuming, and dusting) are done promptly too!

snowball's chance

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6495
  • the poster formerly known as mm250
Re: Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette
« Reply #12 on: April 27, 2009, 03:49:55 PM »
2(a):

Don't change ground rules without permission from all parties.  I.E.,

- if you & your roommate(s) decided to live together because it would be a Smoking Inside house, it's wonderful if one roommate decides to quit, & it'd be wonderful if everyone agreed to follow suit, but they don't have to.
- if you made a No Overnight Opposite-Sex Guests rule, or put a limit on X Nights a week, you don't get a waiver because you & your new squeeze can't spend a night apart or your S.O. lives w/ his parents.

If you are visting a friend, relative, or S.O. and they have a roommate, respect the ground rules and boundaries of the dwelling -- don't eat or use anything w/o permission.  Don't assume if you have seen the host use his/her roommate's phone or computer that you are allowed to as well.  Put clothes on to visit the bathroom.

If you invite an overnight guest, and your roommate(s) if it's ok if the guest leaves after you in the morning.  If you are a guest and leaving after your host leaves in the morning for work, upon waking, shower & get ready for the day quietly and quickly.  Your host's roommate(s) probably won't appreciate it if you hang out all day.

JoanOfArc

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1322
Re: Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette
« Reply #13 on: April 28, 2009, 06:41:01 PM »
Please make it a point to never leave dirty dishes in the sink[/u

I have to disagree.  In many houses, including mine, it is OK to leave a few dirty dishes in the sink, if you wash them later that day.  I see no reason why adults can't leave a bowl in the sink from breakfast until washing the dinner dishes, provided there are enough dishes clean.  I think this falls under 'communicate your desires and expectations for the house' and can be decided between roommates.

Joan   
Chicken-keeper, welder, artist, student and lover of all things literary.

Sycorax

  • Guest
Re: Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette
« Reply #14 on: April 28, 2009, 07:26:44 PM »
From a long experience with housemates I have to add a few things too:

a) If you come home drunk as a skunk at 3 o'clock in the morning and you see that your housemate still is sitting on her/his desk, don't automatically assume that she/he waited all night for you to come and "entertain" her/his with your drunken rumblings.

b) If you're allowed to keep a pet, please do keep its food properly too! It's definitely no fun for your housemates to chase your chameleon's crickets under her/his desk and behind his/her closets all the time (and yes, I was once had to do that - and I can't tell you how much one single cricket in your study can go on your nerves!).

c) Close your door when playing scrabble with your s.o. or whoever you chose to do so. As "good" as you may be in vocalizing your pleasure - listening to it isn't a pleasure for people not involved in the game.

d) If you think you must take every friend of your housemate in your bed as quickly as possible, don't complain to your housemate afterwards about "this jerk" who's his/her friend not calling you. Don't expect your housemate to break up with this friend because he isn't interested in you.

e) If your housemate likes a certain, rather expansive brand of coffee, think about if you want to buy it too before drinking it. If you don't want to pay so much for coffee, get your own cheap brand, but don't drink the housemate's good stuff and replace it with something cheap. It's not fair.

f) You're religious? Fine - but please, don't try to decorate the common rooms with crosses, kitschy pictures with prayers on it and such stuff when your housemate obviously isn't fond of such decoration.

g) If your housemate answers the question if your partner can stay overnight or even for a weekend with "But of course, that's no problem" don't take this as permission to make your partner stay around for weeks - especially not when this partner of yours obviously thinks that cleaning the shower after having taken one or getting the kitchen back in the shape it was before the partner was cooking is beneath him.

h) In our area garbage needs to become sorted: Glass, paper, things for the compost, certain packages marked with a green spot, other garbage. I didn't make this rule, but I'm responsible for all the garbage in my house being sorted. I'm the one who gets in trouble if the garbage isn't sorted, so I think I can expect a housemate the follow the rules too, as uncomfortable as they may be. If you don't like them, don't complain to me, but to the people who made these rules!

i) Don't behave as if you wouldn't know that electricity is 1. expansive and 2. something one should spare for the sake of the entire world. It's really not necessary to let all the lights in the flat on from the moment you come home to the moment you go in bed, it's really not necessary to heat your room up until you can run around bar feeted and with only a thin t-shirt even in the deepest winter; it's really not necessary to get the heater in the bathroom on if you only want to brush your teeth there.

Sycorax
rather too experienced with housemates