Everyday: Roommate/Housemate Etiquette

[Sirius]

This might have already been covered, but "you mess, you clean."  If you sew and your machine is in the common area, throw away the scraps and make sure there aren't any pins on the floor.  If you make a big mess with craft items, don't expect your roommate to help clean up.  One of the biggest rows my former roomie and I had was over the fact that she'd made a big mess making Christmas craft items, and felt I should help clean it up.  I felt otherwise. 

My roomie and I moved in together not knowing each other from Adam, and we became close friends and stayed close friends until the day she died.  That doesn't always happen.  We were also very different from each other; I was an incredibly naive 25-year-old who hadn't had a date since she was 21, and my roomie had more lovers than I had bright socks (a lot of both.)  We lived together for a year and got along fine for the most part, although we did have our differences.  However, most of our differences had to do with making messes and cleaning up.  I always cleaned up after myself, and expected her to do the same, and after we came to an understanding she did the same.

[look in the tunk]

Your housemate is not a free cab ride that can be used at your convenience. It doesn't matter if you don't drive, don't own a car or live in the boonies. Don't ask them to take you to the club at 2 am.

[CakeEater]

Don't leave extremely personal items laying around in the common area.

Don't play scrabble with married men at 4 in the morning, then bring his child to visit later in the day.

[kitty-cat]

Things I'm anticipating dealing with starting August 15th,

If you must wear half a gallon of eau de stink, please open a window and let it sit on you for a minute before leaving your room.  (my stepsister is notorious for making a cloud of perfume that goes from her room to the front door.  And me with asthma...)

Please respect the times that your roommate has things to do; ie studying, trying to sleep.

Just because one roommate likes to cook, don't depend on that one person for every single meal.

If your pet has an accident/makes a mess clean it up.  Or at least thank the roommate who doesn't want the carpet to get ruined when precious puppykins has an accident. 

Your roommate is a person.  Not just some little subhuman who *gasp* sees no reason to go out and get drunk with you.

[KitFox]

Your mommy is not on the lease. Do not send her to talk to your roommates because they did something you didn't like.

[hey_missy]

Here are some things I learned one night last semester:

My [former] roommate and her boyfriend were celebrating their anniversary. Her b/f drove up to our school, took her out to dinner, and then they hung out in our room. After it became night, I realized that my RM's b/f hadn't left yet. A few hours pass. I ask RM when b/f is leaving, and she replies in this you-can't-argue tone, "It's too late for him to drive back". If they had been responsible, they would have kept an eye on time. The two slept in my RM's bed, making out each time I walked in. I did not want to sleep in the same room with a guy I didn't know, so I had to sleep in my friends' room. My one friend who lives in that room was somewhere else that night, so I slept in her bed. I wasn't really angry about the situation because I got lucky; my friend and I basically had a sleepover If I hadn't been lucky, where would I have slept? I also felt bad coming into my own room to get pjs and my tooth brush because I was interrupting my roommate's special time (I was afraid they would get mad at me). I could have talked to the RA and had the boyfriend thrown out of the room (boys are not allowed in the floor after a certain time).

Lessons Learned:

- Always talk to your roommate(s) about when your beloved will be visiting the room.

- Be responsible with time.

- Make out in private. It's okay to ask your RM for an hour of private time It's actually very considerate because your RM won't walk in on any moments.

- NEVER let your beloved spend the night unless your RM states she/he will not be there that night. It's your RM's room too. You have no right to tell her or him to sleep somewhere else.

Also, don't expect your RM to stay in the room if your beloved is spending in the night cause it's plain awkward for the three of you to sleep in the same room.

- You (and your RM) has the right to go to the RA if the opposite sex is spending the night. I should have gone to the RA that night regardless if my roommate got angry. She should have known better.

[snowball's chance]

Your housemate is not a free cab ride that can be used at your convenience. It doesn't matter if you don't drive, don't own a car or live in the boonies. Don't ask them to take you to the club at 2 am.

Same applies to a roommate's guest.

[Dawse]

If you're going to be away for a few days, tell your room mates.

One of my friends has this problem with one of her house mates. I've met her a few times and she seems okay, like she'd be okay to live with, but she just doesn't see it necessary to tell anyone if she won't be home over night - she'll just not come home one evening after classes, then be back a couple of days later without any warning. The first time she didn't turn up, the rest of her house mates were going frantic - they thought maybe she'd been in an accident or something, given it was well past her usual time to be home.

They've just had to learn to put up with it because she doesn't see why she should tell anyone about her weekend plans or whatever, and she's right, she doesn't have to, all she has to say it 'I'm not going to be here thursday night, I'll be back on friday' so her HMs don't worry about her.

Please, just let someone know where you're going to be and for how long; one so they don't worry unnecessarily, and two, in case an emergency comes up (for example the house flooding, unlikely but you never know), somebody knows where you're supposed to be so they can get hold of you more easily.

Also, if you're already away and you plan on staying an extra night or two, PHONE - my brother does this all the time to my mum (and I'll admit, I used to do it as well until I figured just how much it made my mum worry). It's not that hard just to pick a phone and tell someone you'll be home a day later - not doing so just makes people worry, plus it's pretty rude if someone is expecting you for dinner or the like on the night you were originally due home.

[Itzpapalotl]

1.Understand that most roommates prefer to keep the common entrance locked.
2.Keep track of your house key. It's understandable if one forgets the keys a few times, but it shoudn't be every other day.
3.If there is an understanding that a roomate's SO has a key, that SO should be responsible with the key.
4.Don't be mad that if a key is lost and one roommate wants to change the lock, everyone needs to chip in for the lock and key replacement. This is a safety concern.
5.Sometimes it's not safe to leave windows open in nice weather 24/7; It's a smart idea to leave windows locked and barred when no one is home; If it's too warm for pets and/plants, there are alternative safety measures.

[blarg314]

3.If there is an understanding that a roomate's SO has a key, that SO should be responsible with the key.

4.Don't be mad that if a key is lost and one roommate wants to change the lock, everyone needs to chip in for the lock and key replacement. This is a safety concern.

For 3. I would say that if additional house-keys are being handed out, to SOs or visitors, it should be with the knowledge and agreement of the other room-mates. Random people should not be given free access to the apartment without everyone's consent.

For 4. The person who loses the key should be responsible for the cost of replacing the lock. Yes, it's a safety issue, but one person's carelessness should not be paid for by the other roommates.

[kitty-cat]

Oh, I just thought of this one

- Do not complain about the dishes being in the sink when you are already in the kitchen.  I am tired after 3 classes/1 really long class and I do enough biking to where I just want to rest for a bit.  If the dishes bother you so much, can you at least unload the diswasher to make it easier for me?

(thats not what happened last night... never...)

[Itzpapalotl]

@blarg314
Very good point. I was thinking of a specific living situation that involved only myself and 1 roommate; I did not consider a situation involving more roommates.

[kitty-cat]

Gee, I seem to be loving my step-sister rite now, but I do have a new one.

If there is a deadbolt that doesn't have a key on it, please leave it unlocked unless you are going to bed.  Standing outside the door for 5 minutes is not fun while the dog barks and you take your sweet time to unlock it.  I leave it undone for you, I would like the same curtesy. 

(I'm starting to think that it is a good thing that our schedules mean we only see each other at night...)

[blarg314]

Oh, I just thought of this one

- Do not complain about the dishes being in the sink when you are already in the kitchen.  I am tired after 3 classes/1 really long class and I do enough biking to where I just want to rest for a bit.  If the dishes bother you so much, can you at least unload the diswasher to make it easier for me?

That depends. Have you just cooked dinner and are taking a break before cleaning up your mess?  If that's the case, then no, you should clean up your mess before taking a break.

If it they are general dishes then it's a different thing.

[kitty-cat]

General dishes- like a bowl from breakfast, a plate or two that we didn't put in the dishwaser the night before.  I don't mind cleaning up after myself; its when my stepsister is standing right next to the mess with time to spare and is telling me to do it that I mind....