General Etiquette > Life...in general

Winter Formal Date Decisions (the girls choose)

(1/4) > >>

teimu:
Hey etiquettehell.com!
At our school, we have this dance called winter formal in February. Its kinda cool because this time around, the girls are our hosts. They pay for dinnner, arrange transportation and also, they pick their dates. Now this sounds great, right?

So, just recently, Ive been asked on facebook by a cute Sophomore via message(which i have not replied to). Alas, I do not really know this girl well. We talk, but maybe like once or twice a week. And shes three (age) years younger than me...it just seems scandalous. Besides, theres another girl my grade who Im might (not certain) would ask, but with time. And i like her more. See, the thing is, these girls go nuts picking out their dates. One girl just brings it up, and then like wildfire, all the girls get scared and try to pick up a man before its too late. Its freaking 2+ months away! Im afraid that my senior girl will just wait a little more time but Ill be obligated to this sophomore already. =(

Im thinking that I have somewhat of a right to decline. Im a senior, shes a sophomore. This is my last year of HS fun. I can be picky if I want. She has three more years of winter formals, this will be my last. Girls turn down guys all the time, why cant I?

So ettiquettehell.com, heres where you come in:
-Should I decline and possibly break this little girl's heart or accept and beat myself up when this other girl might ask?
-How long should I wait to make either decision with the sophomore? She asked me in a facebook message, and I havent replied to it yet. I'm trying to open my window for the senior girl, but too long would just be akward for the sophomore.

ZipTheWonder:
How about if you let her down easy - but without any fibs?  "I'm sorry, but I won't be able to attend the formal with you.  If you'd like to get together sometime, maybe we could meet for a cup of hot chocolate at Starbucks after school??"

I think you need to make a decision relatively shortly, though.  She will be able to "read" your delay as the discomfort that it is.

Good luck!

Shoo:
It's nice that you're concerned about the younger girl's feelings.  I presume she's asking you 2+ months in advance of the party because she knows the chances of you saying 'yes' are greater now, before other girls have had a chance to ask you.

Even though she's asked you first, I don't think this obligates you to saying yes to her.  It seems a bit manipulative to me, even though she may not realize it.  And asking you via Facebook?  Immature.  That's reason enough to say no.

Give yourself a break and permission to do what YOU want.  If you want to hold out for the other girl, then do.  Just remember that the other girl may ask someone else, thereby leaving you out in the cold. It's a risk, sure.  But trust me.  Going to a formal dance with someone you're not really into (with the exception of going with a real good friend) is tortuous.  Better to stay home and find something else to do than have to spend the evening (and the money - yours or the girl's) with someone you won't have fun with.

Rose2Bear:
Definetly let her know sooner than later. It probably took a lot of guts for her to hit "submit" to send you that message, and now she is probably checking her facebook constantly waiting for a response, so its better to just give her an answer so she doesn't chew herself up and loose sleep over this, and also, so she can find another date herself!

As the others said, you are definetly under no obligation to accept her invitation, just make sure you let her down easy and tell her how flattered you are.  I don't think I'd reccomend inviting her to Starbucks for coco like the other poster said though. Being only 23 myself, I remember high school pretty well, and this would probably be seen as false hope in her eyes. But definetly continue being friendly to her on neutral school grounds so she doesn't feel like you totally stopped talking to her after you declined her invitation.

(One question though - did she ask you on facebook through leaving you a message on your wall or through private message? I hope through private message, other wise that may get sticky when other girls look at your wall, which therefore wasn't very nice of her...     But whatever, thats not that important, just a side note I was wondering about.)

Clara Bow:
I don't know if I'd invite her out to let her down easy, girls that age are notorious for getting the wrong message. It may be less embarrassing for her for you to tell her in person, rather than putting it on the internet for everyone to see (I have to wonder what in the world she was thinking asking you in that fashion, but I've never understood girls that age, not even when I was one). Just tell her politely that you appreciate the offer, but you aren't really interested her in that fashion. Then put it out of your mind. There's no law that says that you have to go out with everyone who asks, though it's hard to come up with a polite way to say no.
It's also paramount that you don't go around telling a lot of your friends about her invitation and your decision to turn her down. She doesn't need to be embarrassed (had that happen to me :'()

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page