CLASSIC TACKY: BIRTHDAY DINNER

[Asharah]

Hi Jeanne,

Here's a doozy for you.

About a year ago or so I went to my cousin "Ann's" birthday party. She was turning 30. Ann and I grew up together, we know each other well. Her roommate "Mary" was throwing the party, and it was to be held at a nice restaurant in a city nearby. A total of 12 people went to the dinner.

I wasn't working at the time, but I set aside $40 for the night. I figured that would be enough for train fare, my $10 entree, a beer, and some extra to throw into Ann's entree and drinks so Ann didn't have to pay for her birthday dinner.

Some of Ann's friends ordered several bottles of wine, of which I had none. These apparently were expensive bottles, as when it came bill time Mary suggested we all pay in $55 each for the bill. (No appetizers were had, no desserts were had, by the way. This bill was for dinner and drinks.)

I sat there amazed at having to pay $55 for 1 beer, a $10 entree, and a few bucks toward Ann's entree. I discreetly got up from the table, left the restaurant and went to the ATM up the block so I could get some more money.

I came back and gave my $55, as did everyone else. Mary counted the money and declared we didn't have enough to settle the bill and pay the tip. Apparently another friend of Ann's left before the bill came and didn't leave enough before leaving.

I offered $2-3 more dollars to help settle the gap. Mary stood up at the table and said "What the heck am I going to do with your 3 measly dollars?" and literally threw them back at me across the table, in front of everyone. I suggested that if everyone chipped in another few bucks then the bill would be settled, but if she didn't want my 3 measly dollars to help settle the bill, I'd be happy to keep them.

That was by far the most expensive ravioli and beer I'd ever had, in terms of money and my pride. 

PlainTacky0629-05

Asharah's comment: Does anyone else think the OP was at least partially to blame for her problem? I think she was perfectly justified in saying "My dinner and beer were only $XX, I didn't drink any of the wine, so even with a contribution to Ann's dinner, I don't think I should have to pay more than $XX toward the bill." And if somebody skips out without paying their share, I think it should be the hostess's responsibility to make up the difference.

[Ondine]

I agree with you Ashara - the OP didn't drink any of the wine, so why should she have to pay more money? I would have just smiled at Mary, politely told her I didn't drink the wine, and paid what I owed for my meal. I think the OP needed a spine in this situation, regardless of the fact that the birthday girl was her cousin.

[Asharah]

By the way, how much wine did "Mary" the hostess have?

[retreadbride]

I agree that the writer was a doormat.

I would have sweetly pointed out what I ate and declined to cover part of someone else's bill.

[Betsy]

Perhaps the other guest who left early was privy to Mary's dramatics and was stemming it by leaving just what she owed for her meal, drink, a reasonable amount for Ann's meal, tax and gratuity and then not being there to have to listen to Mary berate her for being reasonable?

Or maybe Im being too optimistic

[twinkletoes]

I'll try to post what I was feeling:

"I sat there amazed at having to pay $55 for 1 beer, a $10 entree, and a few bucks toward Ann's entree."

Me - holy moly, that's a lot!  "Amazed" is a polite word for what I'd be feeling!

"I discreetly got up from the table," (me: Woohoo!) "left the restaurant" (me: You GO, girl!  Yeah, an ehell story by someone with a backbone!) "and went to the ATM up the block so I could get some more money. "  (me:  Oh, @$%^!  Come ON!  The writer even left the flippin' restaurant!  She could have made a break for it!)

[DottyG]

Perhaps the other guest who left early was privy to Mary's dramatics and was stemming it by leaving just what she owed for her meal, drink, a reasonable amount for Ann's meal, tax and gratuity and then not being there to have to listen to Mary berate her for being reasonable?

Or maybe Im being too optimistic

Exactly what I was thinking.

[Pixie]

I must have read it wrong.  I thought it was Ann's birthday, not Mary's.   Why would Mary be unable to pay what was owed?    She should have put her foot down (as hostess) when the wine was ordered.    She didn't, and that was all on her, not the OP.

[Emmy]

I agree the OP should have left what she owed and explained that she didn't partake in any of the wine and was not going to pay for it.  It seems getting a separate check from the start is the way to avoid getting in situations like these.

[madMOH]

I agree, if you didn't partake in the drinking of the wine, you give the money that you spent and the extra to give towards your friends meal.  I wouldn't of gone out to get more money, if they wanted to order the expensive bottles of wine then they can certainly pay for them. If your friend knew your situation then she would of understood and if she has manners would agree with us when it comes to this.  I also agree if someone left without putting in their correct share then it is the hostesse's job to cover not yours, and if she didn't want to except your couple of dollars for your share of the tip then so be it, but if I am correct most restaurants include a gratuity if there are 8 or more people at the table, granted it depends upon the restaurant's but most are 8 or more 10-15% gratuity added automatically, I wonder if hostess was cheap and decided to pock some cash for herself?