Author Topic: Honest Opinions needed  (Read 2217 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

bella

  • Guest
Honest Opinions needed
« on: April 26, 2007, 07:25:59 AM »
I am throwing a self catered sit down dinner for my 21st birthday and have invited a party of about 20, i was talking to a guest about the party and he said why haven't u invited *name* ? *Name*, a very good friend with guest has barely said 3 words to me all year and i think its going to be generally uncomfortable for all involved including *name* if *name* comes.

The only reason i am even contemplating inviting *name* is because I am inviting everyone from my small group ( which is on at the same time / day as the party) which she very rarely attends, the guest thinks that is reason enough to invite her. The way the tables are arranged *name* would be sitting on my table with my very good friends and i had catered for the exact number of invitations (handmade) and guest tells me to invite her AFTER the invitations have gone out. Its roughly a month before the RSVP date.

I am at a loss of how to handle this tactfully without offending *name* or being walked over by guest. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.

~ Bella

Twik

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 28357
Re: Honest Opinions needed
« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2007, 08:09:11 AM »
Your party, your guest list. I see no reason why you need to invite someone who you hardly ever see or speak to. (There is an issue if she is the ONLY person from your small group who was not invited - but if she hardly ever attends, and you didn't give the invitations out in front of her, you should be off the hook.)

The guest who chastised you about this is VERY rude. Tell him that next time HE throws a party, he's free to invite her.

Edited to add - he has absolutely no right to TELL you who to invite to your party. I'd consider for your next party, drop him from the list as well.
« Last Edit: April 26, 2007, 08:11:47 AM by Twik »
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

ShadesOfGrey

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12682
Re: Honest Opinions needed
« Reply #2 on: April 26, 2007, 08:13:25 AM »
No justification needed, simply tell the guest that you didnt choose to invite *name* this time.  No explanation needed.  Twik is right - your guest list, your party. 
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

caranfin

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 15629
  • I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.
Re: Honest Opinions needed
« Reply #3 on: April 26, 2007, 11:51:53 AM »
If you feel you must give an explanation, you could say "We just aren't that close." But really, you don't owe an explanation.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.

Sibby

  • Guest
Re: Honest Opinions needed
« Reply #4 on: April 26, 2007, 12:37:34 PM »
You are fine, don't get pressured into anything.  you hardly speak to *name*, barely see her and feel it woudl be awkward for everyone if she came.  No worries, have fun and Happy Birthday

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 29353
  • a/k/a KeenReader
Re: Honest Opinions needed
« Reply #5 on: April 26, 2007, 12:40:32 PM »
As the hostess, you get to control the guest list.  No explanations as to why someone was or wasn't invited are necessary.

If anyone else asks about your decisions, you can say, "This is what works for me." End of story.

Happy Birthday and have a great party!
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

Hawkwatcher

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2818
Re: Honest Opinions needed
« Reply #6 on: April 26, 2007, 12:47:56 PM »
Most rational adults do not expect to be invited to every party, especially if they are not close to the host/hostess.  Since this person has chosen not to spend a lot of time with the group, I doubt that she expects to be invited.  Personally, if I was her, I would be very offended if I found out that a friend of mine was trying to bully a distant acquaintance into inviting me to party.  I would wonder why my friend thought I was such a loser that I could not get invited to parties on my own.

As for the guest, I would refuse to discuss the guest list with him.  If you give him any reasons for not inviting his friend, he will probably argue with you.  He may even report back to his friend that you said something "mean" to her (even if you did not say anything remotely negative).  Unless he is paying for your party, he does not deserve an explanation about your guest list.

I agree with Twik about removing him from future guest lists.

Sharnita

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 21375
Re: Honest Opinions needed
« Reply #7 on: April 26, 2007, 01:00:49 PM »
You have commited to meet regularyly every week/month/time interval for your small group, She attends though her attendance is irregular. The small group isn't meeting at the ordinary place because instead they (all of them) are gathering for your birthday.  I think I'd invite her and assure her that you realize she really has to juggle her schedule to get to small group so you understand it if she can't make it to your birthday.

Kiwichick

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1682
  • Is anyone else hungry now?
Re: Honest Opinions needed
« Reply #8 on: April 27, 2007, 09:03:33 AM »
She's barely spoken three words to you?  I've had longer conversations with complete strangers and I don't feel obligated to invite them to my parties :).

Buffy2424

  • Guest
Re: Honest Opinions needed
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2007, 05:18:34 PM »
Well, you have to draw the line somewhere!  Even if you adored Name.  So just reply that you could only invite so many guests, as you're putting money and cooking into it.  Sure it'd be nice to invite Name and about 50 other acquaintances you like, but that's life.   If you have to say that to Guest, then Guest is very clueless. 

Nonsequitur

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 283
Re: Honest Opinions needed
« Reply #10 on: April 28, 2007, 07:02:05 PM »
Remember Bartleby the Scrivener's quote: "I prefer not to."