"You're a stay-at-home mom? Wow, you must have so much free time! Can you do X, Y, and Z for me?" The little clock in the lower left corner of the monitor currently reads "11:46 PM." This is my free time.
"You're a stay-at-home mom? I'm embarrassed to ask you over. Your house must be spotless!" I need a "rolling around in helpless laughter" smiley.
"You homeschool? You must not get out much." Yes, because homeschooling automatically bans us from the public library, the parks, the beaches, the downtown plaza, the MOMS Club, the Society for Creative Anachronism, the city parks and rec department's summer activities for kids, the wildlife refuge visitor center's year-round activities for kids, my kids' friends' houses, our church, and every kid-friendly restaurant in town. Didn't you know? It's a regular leper's bell! Unclean! Uncleeeean!
"You're a stay-at-home mom and you homeschool? Wow, you must be rich!" Yup. Having a threadbare cover on your couch to hide the stuffing bursting out of the seams on both arms and the back is totally the newest fashion statement. Also you can't see our second car because it's invisible.
"You had a homebirth? You must be crazy!" Hyuck! Blllbllllbllllblllbll.
"You had a homebirth? You must be Superwoman to have withstood THE PAIN!" I actually have a civil answer for this one. No, I trained with a midwife to understand the difference between working pain (it's called labor, remember?) and pain that signals something wrong. I learned how to work with the process of labor the way a weightlifter learns to work with the process of getting something heavy off the ground, so I didn't cause myself unnecessary strain. Also, I didn't have much time to anticipate THE PAIN because I was busy having a baby.
"You had a homebirth? You must be a left-wing hippie/a right-wing survivalist/some kind of showoff!" What, all of them at once? Who am I, Sybil?
"You had a homebirth? Wasn't that . . . dangerous?" Walll, it wuz kinda drafty out there in th' barn an' th' flies wuz thick at tahms . . . Though, really, I just smile and point at my articulate, healthy, tall and gorgeous children.