You X? I guess you believe Y!

[FunkyMunky]

I've met a Frenchman who hates cheese.  So no assumptions are ever really safe.

To me, 'owns horses' means 'does a lot of hard, dirty work'. German, enjoys good beer. US South, strongly opinionated about manners and morals.

[RingTailedLemur]

I'm a German, so I must be a nazi. Thank you very much, but I was born in 1960 - 15 years after the Third Reich ended. And I had a grandfather who was in a KZ because he was against the Nazis.

This one makes me scream.  I had a German boyfriend while I was at uni (2001-2004), and several people said "He's German?  Does he know your family are Jewish?!"  I was so angry I trembled at that.

[Keres]

This one makes me scream.  I had a German boyfriend while I was at uni (2001-2004), and several people said "He's German?  Does he know your family are Jewish?!"  I was so angry I trembled at that.

A dear friend of mine is German and Jewish as well as a practicing Jew (and blond and blue-eyed).  I also have a friend who has red hair, pale freckly skin, and blue eyes.  He is also African American (born to parents born in South Africa).

I have a friend with skin the color of mahogany and jet black hair.  He's from Ireland and a third generation Catholic with the last name of Zaranj.  I have another friend who is one half of twins, she looks Chinese and her sister would be at home in Italy.

Always entertaining to watch people's heads explode around these folks.  Moreso, now that they are dating.

[extranormal]

You homeschool your kid? You must be an intolerant religious fundamentalist! No? Then you must be a counter-culture anarchist hippie trying to live off the grid!

[Luna_Moon]

You let your child play violent video games? You must be trying to raise a psychopath! No, actually, with his autism, he has a hard time distinguishing fantasy from reality and we use the cartoon nature of the games to emphasize bad and wrong behaviour, but thanks for trying.

Your kid can't read yet? You must be ignoring his education! Not exactly, he's having a hard time with the rules of grammar. He's been able to type since he was eighteen months old, though, how are your kids coming along with that? 

[RooRoo]

LunaMoon, I wish I had learned to type at 18 months!

The only "You X?  I guess you believe Y!" I have is my faith, so I won't list them.

Wait a minute; here's a real laugher:

"You have horses? You must be rich!"  ROFL

[FunkyMunky]

Your DF plays D&D? He must neglect you/not bathe/be ugly.

Nope. I play too, he bathes regularly, and I think he's quite cute. 

[FunkyMunky]

You like pro-wrestling? You must be...take your pick

 - stupid
 - stupid not to realise it's fake
 - into hurting people

Huh. I'd be more inclined to ask which you prefer - the athleticism or the cheesy acting.

[rhirhi]

Don't forget the hunters that are going to kill everyone.

Never mind that over half of the people who actually shoot up public places are more likely to be found in a mall than a hunting reserve.

I also am SOO mean for killing Bambi.

Never mind that I do not hunt for sport- only for food. You cannot buy deer meat (untainted) around where I live (Bass Pro sells deer sausage- you can't taste the meat through the spices). Also, the guys I hunt with only shoot one or two a weekend...for all of us to take from.

I'm also a she-male or like girls, because I don't live in a trailer, but I like to hunt.

No, it's just nice to go out and just sit for hours at a time. To go home with a deer is a nice bonus.

[RooRoo]

I hear ya, SouthPoleVault!

I used to go coonhunting, so I must like killing. Or be a sadist, to allow the big fierce hounds  to chase the tiny harmless  raccoon.

No. I love being out in the woods at night. I love to hear the dogs sounding off and baying as they strike the trail, and when they locate the tree. I love the tricks the raccoons get up to. Heck, why should I kill them? I could be killing the one that would have given us a good run tomorrow night!

Blessed,

Ruthie

[jenny_islander]

"You're a stay-at-home mom?  Wow, you must have so much free time!  Can you do X, Y, and Z for me?"  The little clock in the lower left corner of the monitor currently reads "11:46 PM."  This is my free time.

"You're a stay-at-home mom?  I'm embarrassed to ask you over.  Your house must be spotless!"  I need a "rolling around in helpless laughter" smiley.

"You homeschool?  You must not get out much."  Yes, because homeschooling automatically bans us from the public library, the parks, the beaches, the downtown plaza, the MOMS Club, the Society for Creative Anachronism, the city parks and rec department's summer activities for kids, the wildlife refuge visitor center's year-round activities for kids, my kids' friends' houses, our church, and every kid-friendly restaurant in town.  Didn't you know?  It's a regular leper's bell!  Unclean!  Uncleeeean!

"You're a stay-at-home mom and you homeschool?  Wow, you must be rich!"  Yup.  Having a threadbare cover on your couch to hide the stuffing bursting out of the seams on both arms and the back is totally the newest fashion statement.  Also you can't see our second car because it's invisible.

"You had a homebirth?  You must be crazy!"  Hyuck!  Blllbllllbllllblllbll.

"You had a homebirth?  You must be Superwoman to have withstood THE PAIN!"  I actually have a civil answer for this one.  No, I trained with a midwife to understand the difference between working pain (it's called labor, remember?) and pain that signals something wrong.  I learned how to work with the process of labor the way a weightlifter learns to work with the process of getting something heavy off the ground, so I didn't cause myself unnecessary strain.  Also, I didn't have much time to anticipate THE PAIN because I was busy having a baby.

"You had a homebirth?  You must be a left-wing hippie/a right-wing survivalist/some kind of showoff!"  What, all of them at once?  Who am I, Sybil?

"You had a homebirth?  Wasn't that . . . dangerous?"  Walll, it wuz kinda drafty out there in th' barn an' th' flies wuz thick at tahms . . . Though, really, I just smile and point at my articulate, healthy, tall and gorgeous children.

[Sycorax]

Yep,

Don't forget the hunters that are going to kill everyone.

Of course they do - they're all bloodthirsty monsters who enjoy killing. It's only my very quick reflexes and my ability to become invisible which made me able to survive living with a hunter since 28 years.

And no, my bloodthirsty monster doesn't only kill for meat. He does it to keep the cute, little deers and the sweet, not so little wild sows from destroying his wood by eating every little tree which only wants to grow up, damaging the trees which have somehow make it to growing up and ruin the bushes the wood needs to survive. And because game animals have almost no natural enemies left in Germany (the only other free living animals in the wood which can become at least a bit dangerous to young deers are foxes and wild cats. But wild cats are very rare in Germany - even my hubby who knows his woods and every inhabitant of it by its forename says he almost can't remember when he saw last a wild cat. On the other hand we're pretty sure that we must at least have what we call a "blendling" - a mixture between a wild cat and a house cat - in our forrest and that it's probably a tom because every time one of our stable cats manages it to avoid the vet's attempt to neuter her, we get rather big kitten in the typical colours of wild cats and some even with a few little hair on top of their ears), our woods would really become destroyed if no one would hunt and keep the game from overpopulating.

Sycorax
"And hunters hate of course animals. That's why my hubby keeps horses, dogs and cats and can't go to bed before all our fur babies are safe and sound."

[WolfWay]

You like pro-wrestling? You must be...take your pick

 - stupid
 - stupid not to realise it's fake
 - into hurting people

Huh. I'd be more inclined to ask which you prefer - the athleticism or the cheesy acting.

Ha! Oh lord, I deal with this set of assumptions all the time (I'm so very sick of feeling like I should apologise for liking pro-wrestling). Hey, all the athletic men running around in teeny tiny pants wouldn't possibly have anything to do with my appreciation of it.  Plus it's just plain hiiiiiilarious!

[M-theory]

Without getting into actual politics, I have a significant problem with this because my beliefs careen wildly back and forth across both sides of the aisle at times. So to speak. So people regularly talk to me about x issue freely, assuming that I agree with them. I also get this because of where I'm from originally - people hear that I'm from Y state and take that to mean I endorse views and beliefs stereotypical to that state, and so expect me to commiserate with them about issues I couldn't disagree more with them about. Most people I just bean dip, but if it's someone I'm becoming close to, well...they learn fast. I think the rule about not talking about religion or politics was created for me, except it also extends to economics, sociology, etc. because people just cannot believe that I think the way I do.

The main area this pops up in is that people tend to assume I play scrabble with women, either as a casual hobby or as my main diversion. I'm not sure what it is about me that gives off the signal. It's one thing when guys are being lecherous about it, but I get hit on by underage girls over the Internet - that's just awkward. 

[Missy2U]

Your DF plays D&D? He must neglect you/not bathe/be ugly.

Nope. I play too, he bathes regularly, and I think he's quite cute. 

Oh come ON NOW!!!  You all MUST live in his mother's basement at the VERY least!!