Author Topic: Using it, but not sure if it's enough  (Read 3377 times)

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matf

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Using it, but not sure if it's enough
« on: May 22, 2009, 12:12:05 PM »
DH and I are offering some space in our house for an activity that DH is involved in. It's going to be during the work week, so we won't necessarily be there for the activity.

One of the organizers e-mailed DH yesterday asking "Can we count on matf to cook for the participants?" DH (and I) are perfectly happy to say we can't -- and that they shouldn't use our kitchen for any cooking. But we're also considering pointing out the underlying sexist assumption that only I can cook. And that I would cook even though it's DH's activity that I'm not involved in.

We don't know the person who contacted us that well, so we're unsure if we should say anything, or even how to phrase it politely.

Animala

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Re: Using it, but not sure if it's enough
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2009, 12:21:13 PM »
That is where "That is an interesting assumption" comes in.

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: Using it, but not sure if it's enough
« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2009, 12:27:59 PM »
I wouldn't say anything. Honestly, it's pretty common for the spouse to cook for the others' activities. And women are still more often the cooks in the families. You don't know him well- if you really want to correct him, just tell him that mr.matt will cook.  Orjist decline without addressinng it- not every single instance needs to be adressed kwim?
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camlan

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Re: Using it, but not sure if it's enough
« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2009, 04:27:57 PM »
So you are offering your house, when you won't even be there, for this activity? AND they now expect you to provide food? That's expecting an awful lot. And taking advantage, even without the sexist comment.

Much though I would love to reply with a sermon about sexist expectations and a query as to why a group of adults can't cook for themselves, I think the best route is to reply that neither matj or mr. matj will be home. If the group would like food, they will need to bring it with them all ready prepared, as the kitchen is not part of the space being offered and is off limits during the activity. If that isn't possible, you understand why they will need to find a new location for the activity.

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pootbear

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Re: Using it, but not sure if it's enough
« Reply #4 on: May 22, 2009, 06:44:09 PM »
Ooooooh- the way that was phrased kinda chaps me a bit. I'd be tempted to say "Surely you could have counted on me to do this HAD you asked and I agreed but....." I'd probably finish with a few of the 7 words one can never say on television and that wouldn't do.

To be polite and get the point across, maybe just saying "sorry won't be possible at this short notice but y'all my use my kitchen to cook and clean up after the meal/refreshments/what ever.  PB

RooRoo

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Re: Using it, but not sure if it's enough
« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2009, 06:53:15 PM »
Quote
If the group would like food, they will need to bring it with them all ready prepared, as the kitchen is not part of the space being offered and is off limits during the activity. If that isn't possible, you understand why they will need to find a new location for the activity.

Can I get an "amen?"  ;D
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kckgirl

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Re: Using it, but not sure if it's enough
« Reply #6 on: May 24, 2009, 06:59:21 PM »
One of the organizers e-mailed DH yesterday asking "Can we count on matf to cook for the participants?" DH (and I) are perfectly happy to say we can't -- and that they shouldn't use our kitchen for any cooking.

Do this.

But we're also considering pointing out the underlying sexist assumption that only I can cook. And that I would cook even though it's DH's activity that I'm not involved in.

We don't know the person who contacted us that well, so we're unsure if we should say anything, or even how to phrase it politely.

Don't do that. That would be just as rude as their original request.

Maryland

sammycat

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Re: Using it, but not sure if it's enough
« Reply #7 on: May 24, 2009, 08:02:04 PM »
Quote
If the group would like food, they will need to bring it with them all ready prepared, as the kitchen is not part of the space being offered and is off limits during the activity. If that isn't possible, you understand why they will need to find a new location for the activity.

Can I get an "amen?"  ;D

Amen ;D.  This is great wording, especially the last sentence.

Sparkle Star

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Re: Using it, but not sure if it's enough
« Reply #8 on: May 25, 2009, 09:05:27 AM »
Quote
If the group would like food, they will need to bring it with them all ready prepared, as the kitchen is not part of the space being offered and is off limits during the activity. If that isn't possible, you understand why they will need to find a new location for the activity.

Can I get an "amen?"  ;D

Amen ;D.  This is great wording, especially the last sentence.

I agree. I'd also add in a line somewhere stipulating that if they DO bring food they are required to tidy up after themselves. You don't want to come home and find crumbs all over the floor etc.
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caranfin

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Re: Using it, but not sure if it's enough
« Reply #9 on: May 25, 2009, 09:31:53 AM »
"Matf isn't involved in this activity, so I'm not sure why we'd be asking her to cook for the participants. Anyway, I'm afraid the kitchen isn't going to be available. You might suggest that everyone bring a lunch in a cooler or something."
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matf

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Re: Using it, but not sure if it's enough
« Reply #10 on: May 29, 2009, 11:46:51 AM »
What DH ended up doing was saying "I'm afraid that won't be possible, and we'd prefer that you not use our kitchen." I don't think he ended up pointing out the interesting assumption, but we did mention it to the guy in charge of the whole event as a strange sort of comment.

(We knew that they'd be okay not using the kitchen, and they have already agreed to clean up. I'm not worried about how they're going to handle it -- I was just kind of taken aback at the assumption that I would be cooking.)