Etiquette School is in session! > Complete Silence

i guess i can't just be angry at my daughter

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last weekend, my daughter was being her usual bratty self. she was on the computer, messaging a boy. his picture was on the screen, and i asked her who he is. she got a very nasty tone, and a dirtier look on her face and said "i don't know! i don't care who he is!" i was livid. she has been acting like this for a few months now. she's 14. i told her to go to her room, stay there until she can manage to not be so nasty to me, i told her i did not deserve to be talked to like that, and i took her cell phone. i was only trying to make conversation with her, i wasn't trying to snoop in her business, although as her parent, if i want to, i believe to a reasonable point that it is my right to know what she is up to!

i then went outside to the garden to vent to my fiance about my daughter's behavior. as we were talking, his annoying friend from down the street pulls in. she has no man and no job, and she is here constantly. i understand that a lot of people have no job right now, myself included, and there is nothing wrong with being single, but seriously, find something to do besides be at my house all the time! she said hi to me, i said hi back. she knew i was mad about something. i told her about my daughter's dirty attitude and that i am fed up with it. she said quite loudly "that is exactly why abortion needs to stay legal!"  :o WHAT!!! i could hardly believe what i heard! i said "hey! i wouldn't go that far! i don't wish i would've done that!" she waved her hands at me like I was overreacting and said "oh, relax! i was just joking!" i didn't find her "joke" to be the least bit funny. i am so angry that i didn't just get up and walk away immediately.  what should i have done? i was angry at my daughter, i don't wish i had never had her!  thank God my daughter was in the house   and didn't hear that. i can't imagine how that would have made her feel. i know that if my fiance had been complaining of his 16 year old daughter,  his friend would NEVER have said that! but because it was my daughter, she felt it was ok.

my 14 month old son was playing outside at the time, too. real nice comment to make to someone about their own child. she has said of her own child a dozen times, her exact words "i should have kept the first one and killed the second one." she was feferring to the fact that she had an abortion, and a year later, she had a son. he is always in trouble, and is very irresponsible, so that is what she says about him. i wonder if being raised by her "loving motherliness" could be why he is troubled?

i'm just so angry. i always freeze up when someone's rudeness catches me off guard. how to i train myself to be ready for this kind of stuff?

You need to practice the raised eyebrow and tone of "I beg your pardon?" and yes, walking away.

Her comment was inexcusable. 

i think it would be perfectly fine to say to her  "go home"  and then for you to walk inside.

i loathe when people talk about killing their kids

Walk away and ask your fiance to rethink his friendship with his vile friend.

I agree with Petal. It would have been fine for you to say, "Our visit has now come to an end!" 


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