Author Topic: When you want to treat-Update  (Read 2940 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 29353
  • a/k/a KeenReader
When you want to treat-Update
« on: April 29, 2007, 10:10:34 PM »
This situation is one I've wondered if I handled right:

Earlier this year, a cousin and I took my great-aunt to dinner. 

My aunt insisted on paying, but she was our "guest." We insisted on paying her share, but she tried to argue with us and put money on the table.  I finally let her use her money for the tip-again, only because she insisted and refused to let it go.

I truly wanted to be the one to treat my aunt, but at the same time I didn't want to start an argument with her.

My aunt wants to go to dinner with us again, so I'd like to know of ways to deflect her offers (really demands) to pay.
« Last Edit: May 27, 2007, 10:18:25 PM by KeenReader »
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

Shoo

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 16393
Re: When you want to treat
« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2007, 10:25:52 PM »
Tell her dinner is your treat, but expect that she'll try to pay.  You can tell her, when she does, that dinner is on you but that she can leave the tip if she wants to.  She probably has a "thing" about people paying for her.  Sometimes it's hard to accept the generosity of others, but if you allow her to leave the tip, she'll probably be fine with it.

kathrynne

  • Guest
Re: When you want to treat
« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2007, 10:31:52 PM »
If you find an effective way to deal with this, I'd love to know it. My Mom can get downright nasty about insisting on paying, to the point where I've warned people not to argue with her. If she pulls out her wallet she WILL pay, even if she has to stuff cash in your pocket that you find five years from now.

Shoo

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 16393
Re: When you want to treat
« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2007, 11:31:41 PM »
My dad has been visiting the past week.  It's great having him here, but he's always giving money to my dd!

Fortunately, he leaves his wallet on the table.  He gives her money, and when he's not looking, she puts it back in his wallet.   :)

Too bad there isn't a way to do something like this for those who absolutely insist on paying no matter what.

guihong

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6562
Re: When you want to treat
« Reply #4 on: April 30, 2007, 05:55:06 AM »
Next time you go out, plead "having to use the restroom" and find your server.  Ask them if you can pay right then, and not have a bill brought to the table.  Hopefully, your guest won't notice.  If your great-aunt notices anyway and tries to leave money, have her pick up the tip.  For some people, being treated brings up "dependence" issues.

gui



Sophia

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11791
  • xi
Re: When you want to treat
« Reply #5 on: April 30, 2007, 10:22:50 PM »

I, too, have done the bathroom thing.  I really really hate the fight at the end.  People can get so ugly.  Then I read here about some people being very offended by the bathroom trick. 
Could it be that the aunt has the idea that the older people always pay for the 'kids', no matter how old the kids are? 

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 29353
  • a/k/a KeenReader
Re: When you want to treat
« Reply #6 on: April 30, 2007, 10:28:59 PM »

Could it be that the aunt has the idea that the older people always pay for the 'kids', no matter how old the kids are? 


That's probably it.  Still, I wish she wouldn't do that.
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

GotSquatch

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1396
Re: When you want to treat
« Reply #7 on: May 04, 2007, 10:40:46 PM »
I might try buying a gift certificate for that restaurant in advance and since it's only good there, she'll have to let you use it!
  The Bear and The Bee 

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 29353
  • a/k/a KeenReader
Re: When you want to treat
« Reply #8 on: May 04, 2007, 11:12:05 PM »
I might try buying a gift certificate for that restaurant in advance and since it's only good there, she'll have to let you use it!

Unfortunately, the restaurants she likes to go to aren't chains, and don't offer gift certificates.
But that's a nice idea.  I'll make a note of that in case I ever have this problem with anyone else.
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

artk2002

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 13001
    • The Delian's Commonwealth
Re: When you want to treat
« Reply #9 on: May 05, 2007, 10:01:35 AM »
I might try buying a gift certificate for that restaurant in advance and since it's only good there, she'll have to let you use it!

Unfortunately, the restaurants she likes to go to aren't chains, and don't offer gift certificates.
But that's a nice idea.  I'll make a note of that in case I ever have this problem with anyone else.

Are you assuming that they don't offer certificates simply because they aren't chain restaurants?  I've known several independent restaurants that can give certificates.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 29353
  • a/k/a KeenReader
Re: When you want to treat
« Reply #10 on: May 06, 2007, 08:31:04 PM »
I might try buying a gift certificate for that restaurant in advance and since it's only good there, she'll have to let you use it!

Unfortunately, the restaurants she likes to go to aren't chains, and don't offer gift certificates.
But that's a nice idea.  I'll make a note of that in case I ever have this problem with anyone else.

Are you assuming that they don't offer certificates simply because they aren't chain restaurants?  I've known several independent restaurants that can give certificates.

When I've been to those restaurants, I haven't seen any indications that they offer gift certificates.

But she might be willing to go to one that does.
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

Jenzilla

  • Guest
Re: When you want to treat
« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2007, 03:05:33 PM »
My dad wouldn't ever allow us "kids" to pick up the bill, I think he found the very idea of it insulting. If your aunt is the same, perhaps you should let her pay when she insists, and reciprocate by entertaining her at your home. You cook, no one has to pay at the end.

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 29353
  • a/k/a KeenReader
Re: When you want to treat
« Reply #12 on: May 09, 2007, 12:42:43 AM »
My dad wouldn't ever allow us "kids" to pick up the bill, I think he found the very idea of it insulting. If your aunt is the same, perhaps you should let her pay when she insists, and reciprocate by entertaining her at your home. You cook, no one has to pay at the end.

I cannot entertain anyone, including my aunt, at my home.  It is not big enough.
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

twinkletoes

  • Guest
Re: When you want to treat
« Reply #13 on: May 09, 2007, 11:19:03 AM »
I understand what you mean - in my family, the "adults" pay for the "kids," even if the "kids" are pushing 30 and probably make more than the "adults."  It's  a tricky dance, and it takes all the fun out of it when there's a bit of a fight between the host and the guests.  I remember when DH had his first job out of college, and wanted to take his dad out for a nice meal.  He was so proud to be able to take his dad out to a nice place and have a great meal.  FIL basically ruined it by insisting on paying, making comments that the dinner was out of DH's budget, etc.  Really took the fun out of it.

I guess there really is no solution to the problem when the guests insist on paying like that.

jamiescudder

  • Guest
Re: When you want to treat
« Reply #14 on: May 10, 2007, 03:15:21 AM »
Every year my mom's family has a weekend family reunion. On their last morning together they all (30+) go out to breakfast together. The first couple of years there was war about the checks. Each family unit would request a separate check. When the checks came  acouple of different family members would go around collecting them so that they could treat. And let the fighting begin!

My grandpa fixed the problem last time I was there. He sat at the head of the table, so the waitress started with him for taking orders. When she asked he simply told her to put everything on one check. Then when the check came (over $300) he sat back and waited for somebody else to grab it. ;D First person to pick it up got to pay the tab. Everybody who wanted to pay their own way was told to just leave their money as a tip. I know for a fact that the waitress got over $100 in tips, and there were probably some that I didn't happen to see.