Possible Christmas mix-up

[freakyfemme]

Hey all,

A little while ago, my mom wrote to me at school to ask me what I wanted for Christmas, and I listed a few things, such as a digital camera (Pablo recommended them for painting class, since shadows of objects and whatnot sometimes move before you get to finish sketching), and a small pair of FAKE pearl stud earrings.  Other than that, I basically told my mom to surprise me. 

Anyway, yesterday, my brother and I went Christmas shopping together, for gifts for the parents, and he told me that my mom had thought I'd wanted REAL pearl earrings, and gotten me those......I told him there was no way I'd ask for that, because, besides the fact that they could get lost, and couldn't really be worn with jeans and a sweater the way fake ones would, they're just too expensive, especially on top of a digital camera.  Also, my mom's taking me shopping for a grad recital dress after Christmas. 

Anyway, my brother said I shouldn't tell my mom that I know, because then she'd find out that he told me, and possibly be upset with him, but at the same time, I really don't want her spending that much on me.  I know my parents can probably afford it, but I don't want to turn into "one of those girls" with that horrible, entitled, Paris-Hilton-esque "my parents are [insert lucrative profession here], so I can have anything I want!!!" attitude.  Fortunately, that attitude is frowned upon at my school, most people I know don't give the spoiled rich kids the time of day......at least, I don't.  But, I'm afraid that if someone saw me wearing real pearl earrings (which I didn't even ask for), I could get mistakenly tarred with that brush.  However, at the same time, I don't know if I should reveal what my brother told me in confidence, and risk "ruining Christmas" for him and my mom.

Also, my parents have been known to drop ridiculous amounts of money on things for me and my brother, some of which we don't even ask for, need, or want (as well as pointless home-renovation projects, ALL done by professionals, but that's another story), and then complain about the astronomical cost of school tuition, and even basic things like groceries and shampoo. 

But, this had me sufficiently worried that last night, I actually got out of bed, went downstairs, and checked the message in my "sent" folder to make sure I'd specified FAKE pearl earrings, and I had......so, I know this isn't really my fault, I'd just like to know what the best course of action would be.

[mrsbrandt]

I think you should keep your mouth shut.  You don't have to wear the real pearl earrings often and you can just buy yourself a pair of fakes for everyday use.  I found some cute ones at Sears for $7.  Your mom obviously got you the gifts because she wanted to and I think it would wind up being ungracious (and get your brother in trouble) if you said anything.  Just try accepting the gifts as best you can and enjoy them.

[Chocolate Cake]

Real pearl (stud) earrings aren't terribly expensive -- they could have easily found a pair for $60-$75, unless they are in a heavy gold or platinum setting, are black Tahitian, or have diamond accents, of course.  Either way, if you don't feel comfortable wearing them with jeans, just stick them into a safety deposit box or somewhere else that's safe until the time comes when you feel you'd wear them more frequently.

[DottyG]

Freaky, dear.  With all due respect, you need to find more important things to worry about!

Your mother wanted to get you something special that's going to be something that you'll be able to treasure for many, many years to come.  Real pearl earrings aren't out of sight, expense-wise.  But, they are special.  And, they'll be something that you can treasure long after fake ones fall apart.

There is absolutely no reason why you can't wear them with jeans.  Pearls look lovely with casual attire - just as they look with formal dress.  Wear them and love them.

Keep your mouth shut about your brother's blabbing and just be a gracious gift recipient.

More people wish they had the kinds of problems you're having.

[freakyfemme]

Real pearl (stud) earrings aren't terribly expensive -- they could have easily found a pair for $60-$75

Well, I sure hope so.....$60-$75 for earrings is still way too much in my world, but I remember I specifically requested SMALL earrings, with just plain, spherical (fake) pearls on studs, so here's hoping the earrings my mom found me were more towards the bottom end of the price range.  I just wish she hadn't sprung for real ones, not only because of the practicality issue, and the "snob" issue, but also because I'm afraid she'll throw it in my face later, when it's time to pay school fees or buy groceries.

[jfulle5]

you really cant tell the difference between real and fake if they are that small and you really shouldn't care about what other people think especially if they would judge you based on a small insignificant pair of earrings. Maybe you could call your mom and reiterate that you want fake pearls if you are truly worried about it.

[Tabris]

Freaky, I am absolutely uncultured when it comes to pearls (pun intended) but are the differences really that obvious, that someone just talking to you would happen to notice that pearls were real?

And if that does happen, you need to laugh out loud and say, "REALLY?!? You're kidding! I asked for fake pearls--you have to believe I didn't pay anywhere NEAR what you'd have to for real pearls! I must be the luckiest shopper on earth!"

Note: not one lie in that paragraph.

Even if you can't wear them NOW, you'll be able to wear them in a couple of years. You're not describing something that will be out of style by 2008.

Your mom may have a touch of my mom in her, where she assumes you asked for something small "not to be a bother" and she wants to surprise you by giving you what you "really" wanted. (ie, I express a passing interest in Bach and receive the Complete Works Of Bach Box Set for Christmas kind of thing.)

React with joy no matter what she gave you, even if the oysters are still attached to the things, even if she gave you two copies of The Pearl by John Steinbeck with stud backings. You'll be thankful afterward that you did.

[DottyG]

not only because of the practicality issue

And, I'll say it again.  Real pearls are an investment.  They'll be there long after fake ones are gone.  If you ever have the chance to have something real in terms of pearls or anything else of that nature, treasure them.  They are something that you can pass along to your own daughter or granddaughter someday, if you so choose.

[freakyfemme]

Freaky, I am absolutely uncultured when it comes to pearls (pun intended) but are the differences really that obvious, that someone just talking to you would happen to notice that pearls were real?

And if that does happen, you need to laugh out loud and say, "REALLY?!? You're kidding! I asked for fake pearls--you have to believe I didn't pay anywhere NEAR what you'd have to for real pearls! I must be the luckiest shopper on earth!"

Note: not one lie in that paragraph.

Even if you can't wear them NOW, you'll be able to wear them in a couple of years. You're not describing something that will be out of style by 2008.

Your mom may have a touch of my mom in her, where she assumes you asked for something small "not to be a bother" and she wants to surprise you by giving you what you "really" wanted. (ie, I express a passing interest in Bach and receive the Complete Works Of Bach Box Set for Christmas kind of thing.)

React with joy no matter what she gave you, even if the oysters are still attached to the things, even if she gave you two copies of The Pearl by John Steinbeck with stud backings. You'll be thankful afterward that you did.

Oysters?  Oh dingdangity, I forgot about that part......do the oysters have to actually die to make the pearls?

[Tabris]

No, nor did I have to die when I had a root canal. :-)

[DottyG]

Another note.  Anyone who looks at you and comments on the cost of an item you're wearing is the rude one.  It is no one's business but your own as to whether you're wearing fake pearls or real ones.

You do NOT owe anyone an explanation as to whether or not they are real.

Why this part is even a concern is beyond me.  You've been here long enough to know this, Freaky.  You know it's not polite of them, so why are you even concerned about that?

[freakyfemme]

Another note.  Anyone who looks at you and comments on the cost of an item you're wearing is the rude one.  It is no one's business but your own as to whether you're wearing fake pearls or real ones.

You do NOT owe anyone an explanation as to whether or not they are real.

Why this part is even a concern is beyond me.  You've been here long enough to know this, Freaky.  You know it's not polite of them, so why are you even concerned about that?

Because, when you live among people who eat Kraft Dinner or ramen noodles several times a week, or subscribe to the "bill-of-the-month" club, it's just.....not quite nice.....to make an issue of the fact that you don't have to do those things, whether that's a result of parental income, wise financial decisions (i.e. not throwing away tons of money on alcohol every weekend), or a combination of the above.  Also, in my circle, the concepts of "rude" and "polite" are a little different, and sort of work on a sliding scale according to how popular the person is.  So, if a popular person blows off her less-popular friend, or renegs on a previously-made offer to said friend, because she had a (perfectly preventable) hangover, or "something came up" at the last minute, the less-popular friend would be the rude one if she said something about it.  So......if I (reasonably well-liked, but not part of the in-group by any means) was perceived to be "showing off," then I'd be considered rude, not the person who was gossiping about me.       

Edited to add:  I know those "rules" are neither fair nor logical.....but my not being popular was a choice I made, because I got sick of the hangovers and the fake people, so in making that decision, I also chose to bear the consequences that came with it.

[guihong]

If anyone were to notice your earrings, and think twice about them enough to ask, all you'd have to say was "They were a gift".  Truth, and that would be the end of it.

The bigger issue is that of you caring too much what everyone else thinks of you.  We've gone this road before.  Who really cares if someone thinks you're a snob?  Would you really want someone for a friend who classified people on account of their jewelry/clothes/handbag, etc.?  If the earrings make you feel beautiful (and they should), wear them proudly.  If that's not possible, put them up for your daughter one day (if you so chose).

I had a genuine pearl necklace from my grandmother, and had it made into a necklace and bracelet for my daughter for when she turns 18.  I'd feel hurt if she felt that wearing it was too pretentious.

gui

[LissaR1]

I think you're worrying way too much about something insignifcant.

1.) As previously stated, real pearl earrings aren't that expensive- especially if found on sale.  I bought a real pearl necklace for 30, but I also own a pearl necklace valued at much more that I inherited from my grandmother.  The quality of pearls makes a HUGE difference in the cost!

2.) Does your mother actually say things like, "well, if we hadn't bought you those earrings, we could afford to get groceries this week?"  If she does, shame on her.  If she doesn't mention them and just complains about finances... well, the best I can offer is that you're drawing the connections in your head.  A LOT of people complain about finances.  College tuitions are getting ridiculous, and I complain about the grocery store every time I come home

3.) At the age you're at, the only person who determines your attitude is you.  If your parents buy you something nice, it's entirely up to you not to become a spoiled entitlement princess.  I suspect you're fine on that front

4.) Nothing wrong with wearing pearls with jeans.  I used to do it all the time, before I had someone who likes to pull on necklaces.

5.) The odds of someone noticing your earrings and then thinking less for you owning them are quite small, I would hope, especially if you aren't going around saying, "look what Mommy and Daddy bought me!  Aren't they purty?"  And having been a starving grad student, I can tell you it wouldn't have phased me in the least.

Enjoy your earrings!

[freakyfemme]

If anyone were to notice your earrings, and think twice about them enough to ask, all you'd have to say was "They were a gift".  Truth, and that would be the end of it.

The bigger issue is that of you caring too much what everyone else thinks of you.  We've gone this road before.  Who really cares if someone thinks you're a snob?  Would you really want someone for a friend who classified people on account of their jewelry/clothes/handbag, etc.?  If the earrings make you feel beautiful (and they should), wear them proudly.  If that's not possible, put them up for your daughter one day (if you so chose).

I had a genuine pearl necklace from my grandmother, and had it made into a necklace and bracelet for my daughter for when she turns 18.  I'd feel hurt if she felt that wearing it was too pretentious.

gui

The pearl necklace/bracelet set sounds beautiful.   And, I guess you're right about the "snob" thing, I can always just save the earrings for special occasions, or not tell people one way or the other if they ask.....I just hope my mom got them for me without any strings attached.