Possible Christmas mix-up

[platys]

I agree with what everyone is saying - don't say anything to your parents.  In fact, cultured pearls (which are "real" pearls) can be had for next to nothing - for example:

http://www.overstock.com/cgi-bin/d2.cgi?PAGE=PROFRAME&PROD_ID=501880

Those are pretty small.

Also, It's never good to be like "Oh you spent too much, I can't take this".  It really hurts people's feelings. I have a grandmother who managed to ruin christmas by refusing to accept some pretty sapphire earrings from my grandfather.  I'm sure she was thinking she was being polite by insisting that they were too expensive, and being giving, but it really hurt my grandfather and her children, who were all so excited to give her something nice.

[freakyfemme]

2.) Does your mother actually say things like, "well, if we hadn't bought you those earrings, we could afford to get groceries this week?"  If she does, shame on her.  If she doesn't mention them and just complains about finances... well, the best I can offer is that you're drawing the connections in your head.  A LOT of people complain about finances.  College tuitions are getting ridiculous, and I complain about the grocery store every time I come home

No......I don't think she's even made the connection in her head.  See, the thing is, my family isn't starving, and we *can* afford to buy groceries, so a lot my mom's complaints are a bit exaggerated.  She doesn't go as far as to say that buying me Gift X means we won't be able to afford Necessity Y, but she's been known to complain a blue streak about the price of everything from school tuition to salad dressing, and then in the next breath, she'll say something like, "Oh, by the way, Freaky, just warning you, there'll be men coming over to paint the kitchen/re-shingle the roof/re-gild the driveway next week."

[jfulle5]

Another note.  Anyone who looks at you and comments on the cost of an item you're wearing is the rude one.  It is no one's business but your own as to whether you're wearing fake pearls or real ones.

You do NOT owe anyone an explanation as to whether or not they are real.

Why this part is even a concern is beyond me.  You've been here long enough to know this, Freaky.   You know it's not polite of them, so why are you even concerned about that?

Because, when you live among people who eat Kraft Dinner or ramen noodles several times a week, or subscribe to the "bill-of-the-month" club, it's just.....not quite nice.....to make an issue of the fact that you don't have to do those things, whether that's a result of parental income, wise financial decisions (i.e. not throwing away tons of money on alcohol every weekend), or a combination of the above.  Also, in my circle, the concepts of "rude" and "polite" are a little different, and sort of work on a sliding scale according to how popular the person is.  So, if a popular person blows off her less-popular friend, or renegs on a previously-made offer to said friend, because she had a (perfectly preventable) hangover, or "something came up" at the last minute, the less-popular friend would be the rude one if she said something about it.  So......if I (reasonably well-liked, but not part of the in-group by any means) was perceived to be "showing off," then I'd be considered rude, not the person who was gossiping about me.       

Edited to add:  I know those "rules" are neither fair nor logical.....but my not being popular was a choice I made, because I got sick of the hangovers and the fake people, so in making that decision, I also chose to bear the consequences that came with it.

Are you in college? Maybe a freshman? These things really dont matter in the "real world," hopefully I'm in college also, I know the routine and honestly it just sounds like you need better friends. IMO of course! It's kind of immature of anyone to say things about what you wear and I dont quite understand why they would think you'd be "showing off" unless you were in head to toe chanel.

[freakyfemme]

Another note.  Anyone who looks at you and comments on the cost of an item you're wearing is the rude one.  It is no one's business but your own as to whether you're wearing fake pearls or real ones.

You do NOT owe anyone an explanation as to whether or not they are real.

Why this part is even a concern is beyond me.  You've been here long enough to know this, Freaky.   You know it's not polite of them, so why are you even concerned about that?

Because, when you live among people who eat Kraft Dinner or ramen noodles several times a week, or subscribe to the "bill-of-the-month" club, it's just.....not quite nice.....to make an issue of the fact that you don't have to do those things, whether that's a result of parental income, wise financial decisions (i.e. not throwing away tons of money on alcohol every weekend), or a combination of the above.  Also, in my circle, the concepts of "rude" and "polite" are a little different, and sort of work on a sliding scale according to how popular the person is.  So, if a popular person blows off her less-popular friend, or renegs on a previously-made offer to said friend, because she had a (perfectly preventable) hangover, or "something came up" at the last minute, the less-popular friend would be the rude one if she said something about it.  So......if I (reasonably well-liked, but not part of the in-group by any means) was perceived to be "showing off," then I'd be considered rude, not the person who was gossiping about me.       

Edited to add:  I know those "rules" are neither fair nor logical.....but my not being popular was a choice I made, because I got sick of the hangovers and the fake people, so in making that decision, I also chose to bear the consequences that came with it.

Are you in college? Maybe a freshman? These things really dont matter in the "real world," hopefully I'm in college also, I know the routine and honestly it just sounds like you need better friends. IMO of course! It's kind of immature of anyone to say things about what you wear and I dont quite understand why they would think you'd be "showing off" unless you were in head to toe chanel.

Actually, I'm graduating in the spring.  People seemed to be less uptight about these things in the earlier years.....for some reason, everyone's behaviour has taken a turn for the ruder this year, unfortunately.

[ZipTheWonder]

Even if your mom's idea of a pair of pearl studs is Mikimoto, you cannot become an entitled brat without an entitled brat attitude. 

Enjoy the pearls, wear them without fanfare whenever you like, and accept compliments graciously.  And don't spoil mom's surprise like your brother has spoiled yours!

[CrayonOutlines]

Others may disagree, but when you open the earrings on Christmas morning, you could say something like, "Wow! These are gorgeous!  They sure don't look fake!"  and your mom says, "No, honey, they're real" and you act all surprised and say, "That's so generous of you!  I would have been happy with fake ones.  Thank you!"

I'm puzzled, though, about how people will know whether they're fake or real.  Maybe it's because I don't pay attention to others' jewelry or I assume that everything is fake (except for one friend who I know has real stuff that's been passed down to her).  How would someone know?  You're not in jewelry school, after all.   

Oh, and since I can't tell the difference between real and fake pearls, IMO, they BOTH go well with jeans.  Heck, I went to a women's college in the late '80s/early '90s where students wore pearl necklaces with T-shirts and shorts! 

And like others have said, it's probably a thoughtful gesture on your mom's part -- acknowledging that you're a young woman and that it's time for you to start enjoying grown-up stuff.

[DottyG]

Others may disagree, but when you open the earrings on Christmas morning, you could say something like, "Wow! These are gorgeous!  They sure don't look fake!"  and your mom says, "No, honey, they're real" and you act all surprised and say, "That's so generous of you!  I would have been happy with fake ones.  Thank you!"

I know what you're trying to say.  But, I think the way that's phrased comes across as rude on its own part.

All Freaky needs to say is, "Mom!  I love them!  They're gorgeous - thank you!" with a hug.  No mention of "fake vs real" or "brother tattled" or anything else.

This is yet another instance where anything other than a gracious acceptance of a gift is rude on other levels.

[Deetee]

I'm puzzled, though, about how people will know whether they're fake or real.  Maybe it's because I don't pay attention to others' jewelry or I assume that everything is fake (except for one friend who I know has real stuff that's been passed down to her).  How would someone know?  You're not in jewelry school, after all.   

You really can't tell. I was told that you could tell (by taste or grit or hue) but when I compared my fake and real pearl necklaces under a variety of lights (and yes tatsted them) all I could tell is that anyone who bites pearls has too much time on their hands.

No one will know they are real and pearls aren't expensive anyhow. (My entire necklace was under a $100 and I could have made dozens and dozens of earings from that if I wasn't so busy biting the pearls)

[outcastspice]

i'm sorry,  but i don't understand the problem. you asked for something and your mother got you something even nicer. of course you can wear pearls with jeans and a sweater - in fact, that would look terrific! and nobody can tell if they're real or fake, so if someone is judgmental enough to dislike you for wearing pearl earrings, they would've done so if they were fake as well. pearls are in my opinion a true lady's jewelry, and you can wear them with pride. also, even if you didn't want pearl earrings at all, you should be gracious and thank your mother appropriately, which i have no doubt you were planning to do regardless.

(perhaps i should qualify this by saying that when i was four years old i saved the box-tops from ice cream and sent away for a pearl necklace, which i thought was real for about a year and a half. when i was sixteen, my father taught me that regardless of the occasion a lady always looks wonderful in a black dress and a pearl necklace. and when i got married last june, my mother gave me a pearl necklace that had belonged to her aunt, which i wore at my wedding and frequently since. so it's a bias i pretty much grew up with)

[freakyfemme]

Others may disagree, but when you open the earrings on Christmas morning, you could say something like, "Wow! These are gorgeous!  They sure don't look fake!"  and your mom says, "No, honey, they're real" and you act all surprised and say, "That's so generous of you!  I would have been happy with fake ones.  Thank you!"

I know what you're trying to say.  But, I think the way that's phrased comes across as rude on its own part.

All Freaky needs to say is, "Mom!  I love them!  They're gorgeous - thank you!" with a hug.  No mention of "fake vs real" or "brother tattled" or anything else.

This is yet another instance where anything other than a gracious acceptance of a gift is rude on other levels.

Good approach.....except, I call my parents by their first names, and we don't hug.  Other than that.....gracious acceptance sounds like the way to go.  I just hope this whole thing doesn't come back to haunt me later, lol.

[freakyfemme]

i'm sorry,  but i don't understand the problem. you asked for something and your mother got you something even nicer. of course you can wear pearls with jeans and a sweater - in fact, that would look terrific! and nobody can tell if they're real or fake, so if someone is judgmental enough to dislike you for wearing pearl earrings, they would've done so if they were fake as well. pearls are in my opinion a true lady's jewelry, and you can wear them with pride. also, even if you didn't want pearl earrings at all, you should be gracious and thank your mother appropriately, which i have no doubt you were planning to do regardless.

(perhaps i should qualify this by saying that when i was four years old i saved the box-tops from ice cream and sent away for a pearl necklace, which i thought was real for about a year and a half. when i was sixteen, my father taught me that regardless of the occasion a lady always looks wonderful in a black dress and a pearl necklace. and when i got married last june, my mother gave me a pearl necklace that had belonged to her aunt, which i wore at my wedding and frequently since. so it's a bias i pretty much grew up with)

Lol.....do you still have the ice-cream "pearl" necklace?  I'd love to see a picture of it.  That sounds like a cool prize.  I've never heard of sending away prizes from ice cream before, just cereal, Popsicles, and Kool-Aid.

[Alida]

Who says you can't wear real pearls with jeans?  I do all the time  

I wouldn't say anything more than, "Thank you very much!"

[Lisbeth]

Well, my mother gave me a ring that has two real pearls on it several years ago, and although the ring doesn't fit me anymore, I still keep it as a memento of someone who loves me (even when we piss each other off).  My parents have offered to replace the pearls on it, since they're not in especially good shape, but I'd rather keep the ring the way it is (maybe have it refit for me, but not reset).

As to when real pearls cannot be worn, Miss Manners has indicated that there is only one outfit/occasion when this is the case: Never wear pearls with your bathing suit.  People have been known to wear pearls to bed so that they pick up the skin tones of the wearer!  A little extreme to me, but if it doesn't violate etiquette, I guess it's okay.

[Alida]

React with joy no matter what she gave you, even if the oysters are still attached to the things, even if she gave you two copies of The Pearl by John Steinbeck with stud backings. You'll be thankful afterward that you did.

Oh for the crafty ability to render that in miniature for earrings! 

[Gigi]

Your earrings will be beautiful.  Nothing quite beats the luster of real pearls.  And do wear them as often as possible.  Pearls benefit from being in contact with the natural oils in our skins.

Think how lovely they'll be with your recital dress.