If someone sent that to my family members, there would be instant revolution, and everyone would suddenly have other plans (even if the plans were "pick up some KFC for Thanksgiving.")
Evil Dudgeon (if she actually wanted to see these people) would be very tempted to show up with a kickass jambalaya, or some amazing homemade spanakopita or a fantastic mushroom risotto, or really, anything other than the item that was assigned to me. And reply to Marney's inevitable criticism, "Oh, yes I did get your letter. But I decided not to bring X. I thought Y would be so much nicer! Next time, don't bother giving me an assignment. I'll always just bring what I feel like bringing. Or as the host, you could simply just provide all the food exactly how you want it and not ask for "contributions." Let me know which option you're going with next year. Thanks! Now let's dig in!"
Regulation casserole dishes? For competitive baking playoffs? Married women have to contribute at an "adult level?" Is Thanksgiving suddenly a pledge drive? And why don't single people of both genders have to contribute at an adult level? Are they not adults until they get married? This whole letter just makes me want to scream! I think it's the tone that gets me the most. Thanksgiving dinner doesn't make itself? It's not carried to us on the backs of pixie wings, made by the ghosts of Thanksgivings past, present and future? Really?