This has to be fake, right? The Potluck Dictator.

[high dudgeon]

If someone sent that to my family members, there would be instant revolution, and everyone would suddenly have other plans (even if the plans were "pick up some KFC for Thanksgiving.")

Evil Dudgeon (if she actually wanted to see these people) would be very tempted to show up with a kickass jambalaya, or some amazing homemade spanakopita or a fantastic mushroom risotto, or really, anything other than the item that was assigned to me. And reply to Marney's inevitable criticism, "Oh, yes I did get your letter. But I decided not to bring X. I thought Y would be so much nicer! Next time, don't bother giving me an assignment. I'll always just bring what I feel like bringing. Or as the host, you could simply just provide all the food exactly how you want it and not ask for "contributions." Let me know which option you're going with next year. Thanks! Now let's dig in!"

Regulation casserole dishes? For competitive baking playoffs? Married women have to contribute at an "adult level?" Is Thanksgiving suddenly a pledge drive? And why don't single people of both genders have to contribute at an adult level? Are they not adults until they get married? This whole letter just makes me want to scream! I think it's the tone that gets me the most. Thanksgiving dinner doesn't make itself? It's not carried to us on the backs of pixie wings, made by the ghosts of Thanksgivings past, present and future? Really?

[Lorelei_Evil]

Oh, wow.  Wow wow wow.  The one that cracked me up?  "as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level".  So if I'd have stayed single I could still sit at the kids table?  Sweet!!! 

I'd love to know how well that all went over. 

LOL!  I have to sit at the kid's table because I'm not married, but that's because my father is a bacon fed knave. 

This sounds like something my dysFUNctionals would pull, only better spelt.

[Two Ravens]

I really want to know what was so wrong about the over-size blue serving dish June Davis brought last year.

I also love the patronizing way she talks to the apparently newly marries Lisa, "Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level." Ha!  If I were her, I would bring a shrimp platter (with cocktail sauce!) from the supermarket in a plastic tray - ha ha ha! 

Amy has apparently been thwarting Marney for some time.  She sounds like my kind of girl!

[caranfin]

Oh, wow.  Wow wow wow.  The one that cracked me up?  "as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level". 

And yet, as an adult, all she has to contribute is a veggie platter. And not even a very big one. That's pretty skimpy compared to the other expected contributions (15 lb of mashed potatoes?)

[iDuckie]

I would call shenanigans, but it reads like something my aunt would send out, even the "i dont know why I bother putting this, she wont read it" part... that would be regarding my mother.

[strawbabies]

Now there's someone who doesn't get the point of Thanksgiving and having people over for it.

[WHATSNEW]

I can believe its real. I know people who would write something exactly like this. (Notice I didn't say I was *friends* with someone who would write this)

However, if I was assigned something on that list, I would bring th complete opposite because the smart aleck in me is stronger than the ehellion. "Oh you wanted green bean casserole? I'm sorry, the instructions weren't very clear so I just brought this pepperoni pizza instead."

Cause nothing says Thanksgiving like Pepperoni Pizza.   

[Chocolate Cake]

"as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level". 

It sounds like Lisa had been riding on everyone's coat toals for far too long and the "hostess" in this situation had it with that kind of behavior.  Still....this kind of brutal honesty isn't going to win her any points.

[RegionMom]

Due to several things, my family does not usually do the big t-day traditional stuff.
Instead, we eat pizza, go to a body of water, and watch a sci-fi movie.  All three must be met.

That IS our tradition.   

[heather]

Oh Auntie Venom-thanks to you I have a hilarious new website to read!!!  The photos on here are good, too.I have no comment about the Potluck Dictator because, well, my goodness, it says everything already!

[sbtier]

I found that awkward photos site the other day and I thought it was hilarious and bizarre.

[Balletmom]

I'm going to say it has a smack of truth about it, although I've been fooled before.

And I will confess that a) when we were having Thanksgiving with the ILs, we did have to order Mr. Paprika (so named because of his over fondness for the tanning salon) to bring rolls. That was it.

Maybe on the other hand, this is someone's fantasy letter. You never know.  

[NOVA Lady]

It could be true.... some people just love to micro-manage.

If I was invited, I think I'd suddenly decide to spend Thanksgiving at home with my smaller family... because as I am a fairly competent adult I will not have someone instructing me in this way.

If you want to micromanage what bowl and what type of serving spoon everything comes in and with.... then make it yourself. If someone is bringing something, they can make it as they see fit, package it however convenient for them, and serve it with whatever serving utensil makes sense to them.

This sounds like an uptight person who needs to control everything... this should translate into her doing everything... not to tell other people how to do it just as she would.

And I don't care for her snarky comments either. I would take a pass on this event.

[nliedel]

I would have had a migraine on Thanksgiving. 

[hyzenthlay]

I love her lines where she says 'do what you want' followed by 'according to these very specific instructions.'

It has to be her pie recipie, and no experimentation with the sides, and precise amounts and specific serving dishes . . . but everybody can make what they want to really