10 ways-Part three (parts 1 & 2 on old board)

[LadyJaneinMD]

7) People who make rude comments and then cry off - "I was only joking ". You weren't - it's passive aggressive.

Oh, I HATE THIS!!!  With a passion that you can only imagine.  I've been the butt of many of these kinds of 'jokes'.
Now I get mad and say, 'it's NOT a joke! If it were a real joke, we would both be laughing.  I'm NOT laughing, so you're just being a cruel jerk.'   
Or something like that.    I realized that I was like that too, years ago, so I have totally cut off making jokes at someone else's expense.  It's not funny to make someone else cry. 

[Pixie]

7) People who make rude comments and then cry off - "I was only joking ". You weren't - it's passive aggressive.

Oh, I HATE THIS!!!  With a passion that you can only imagine.  I've been the butt of many of these kinds of 'jokes'.
Now I get mad and say, 'it's NOT a joke! If it were a real joke, we would both be laughing.  I'm NOT laughing, so you're just being a cruel jerk.'   
Or something like that.    I realized that I was like that too, years ago, so I have totally cut off making jokes at someone else's expense.  It's not funny to make someone else cry. 

Oooooooh  I HATE that one, too. My oldest BIL is very sarcastic and he passed this trait on to his daughter, only she was too young to realize what was a joke and what wasn't.   So for years she went around insulting everyone in the family with his blessing because it was "just so darn cute"  No, it wasn't cute, it was rude.   My poor sister tried like heck, but niece was a daddy's girl, and Sis was out-voted.  To this day I do not speak to that niece as I was her favorite target.  She's a grown woman now with kids of her own, and she still thinks its "cute" to insult people. 

I try to limit contact with those members of my family who feel the need to hurt me.  I have decided not to be a doormat anymore.

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

I try to limit contact with those members of my family who feel the need to hurt me.  I have decided not to be a doormat anymore.

You go, girl!!

But isn't it amazing that, as soon as you decide not to be a doormat, suddenly *you* are the bad guy, responsible for the bad vibes in the family? When the people who made *your* life a misery get off scott-free.

I limit contact with my toxic family members for this exact reason. It's not that I was "too sensitive" when they were nasty.  It's not that I've "acted stand-offish for no reason". I have a good reason. I wasn't too sensitive; they were horrible. And they're ultimately responsible for the bad vibes; if they're too toxic to see it that's not my problem and I won't let them guilt me into playing their head games any longer.

Say it with me: Amandla! Awethu! (Power to the people)!

[Bethalize]

  I advised him he was perfectly within his rights to attend without us, and I would never hold it against him if he did, but I was through forever.  It has been 6 years and I have held true to my word.  The funny thing is, my DH hasn't been to an event since then either...

Funny how 'perfect' husbands with 'awful' wives don't attend family gatherings without said awful wife nagging them isn't it? In the same way they don't seem to call or remember birthdays without the wife being involved.

[Fluffy_Brit_Bunny]

5)try to insist I sing. I don't sing. ... I'll sit and enjoy YOU singing, but kindly don't nag me about adding my voice. Next time, I'll oblige.

I get the same thing. Fortunately my fiance (highly musical, gives music/singing lessons) understands that I prefer not to sing.

Unfortunately one of my less sensitive friends, a great singer and dancer, kept on at me about how I should learn to sing and dance, just listen to your voice, etc etc etc. He kept trying to manipulate me into learning by telling me sad stories about people who'd never learnt. I managed to get him to shut up about learning to dance by going along to a class with him and (despite giving it the old school try) completely embarrassing him with my ineptitude.

Unfortunately his rabbiting on about how I should learn to sing has made me self-conscious to the point where I don't even open my mouth during hymns at church and I now feel terrified of any kind of singing lessons, even though I could learn in theory (I'm not amusic).

Nagging people about participating or learning to do an activity they don't want to/can't do is very rude.