10 ways-Part three (parts 1 & 2 on old board)

[Felica]

...to annoy me at the In-laws extended family Christmas get together:

(Disclaimer-this stuff really did happen, but I post about it mostly for laughs. It did annoy me, but this should not be taken as a full on rant. It's just about the little stuff people do)

1)Be rude enough to ask me how much something my children are wearing cost, then loudly exclaim, "OH! That's too much! I'd never spend that much on a child!" Um...who asked *you* to?

2)Insist I take a photograph in front of everyone so that I look like an yoohoo! Moderators!  Ban me now! if I say no. I don't like to have my picture taken. On rare instances I will allow it, when I am really in a good mood, otherwise, when someone attempts it without permission, I turn my head, turn my back, or duck behind someone. When I did this to you several times in a couple of hours, you should have taken the hint. When I politely said "No" several more times when you asked, you should have taken the hint. Putting me on the hot seat in front of people does not endear you to me, I will remember you for it. I hope that picture doesn't turn out, too.

3)loudly laugh and ask me if the reason I'm carrying a pillow is because I am planning a nap or if I have hemmoroid problems. I'm not sorry I embarrassed you by solomnly saying "Something like that." It embarassed me for you to call attention to it. I was only there out of courtesy, in pain, and may skip it the next time if I'm going to be embarassed like that. Or maybe I'll just go into gory detail about them just as you start to eat.

4)tell me what to eat. I don't like deer, I don't eat deer, and no, I am not going to try *your* deer. Let me alone. And a ten minute lecture on the virtue of deer meat is not nessasary. Next time, I'm going to wear an 'I *heart* Bambi' tee-shirt.

5)try to insist I sing. I don't sing. The reason that I don't sing is because I can't carry a tune. Even if it was in a bucket. Being married into a musically talented family, this makes me even less inclined to add my croaking to the mix. I'll sit and enjoy YOU singing, but kindly don't nag me about adding my voice. Next time, I'll oblige.

6)ask my 8 year old to look after your 4 year old. He's not old enough, nor responsible enough to be in charge of a young child. I also don't need your sigh and eye roll when I say no for him. I realize you wanted to socialize without being bothered, but trust me, better you be bothered than your four year old get hurt because my son got distracted.

7)Tell me my haircolor must be fake. Yes, some blondes are natural. Yes, I really am a natural blonde. Trust me, I've been blonde my whole life, I know the color. It's not Clairol #95. Next time, I'll whip out my cellphone and dial my mother's number for you and you can tell her it's not possible that she birthed a natural blonde.

8)Ask me if I have stretchmarks from childbirth and then not believe me and try to PULL UP MY SHIRT and look when I say no. Are you insane? Just because you have them doesn't mean I do. Shall I strip?

9)Try to have a religious discussion with me after I say I would prefer not to talk about that. And why would you assume that I was ANY religion because I said I don't want to discuss it? Sure, I'm a devil worshipper, see my pitchfork?

10)(for DH specifically)drag me to a gathering when I am physically uncomfortable and then tell me you want to leave early to watch the game but would I stay longer because your relatives would like to spend more time with the boys.....have you lost your mind? I can only assume that you must have momentarily misplaced it to think I'd even entertain such a ridiculous request.

[Lisbeth]

I think you should make plans to not be with your ILs if they keep doing these and other things that annoy you.

[freakyfemme]

All good, except number 8.......I'm afraid they might take you up on it, lol.

[djinnidjream]

I hear you about the camera thing.  I married into a family of camera fiends.  I guess the GFIL used to whip out the camera and take pictures of people eating.  Now my FIL and his brother do it.  I.do.not.like.having.my.picture.taken.  period.   I will pose for one or two, but FIL is one of those people who likes to take sneaky pictures when he thinks I'm not looking.  I caught him doing that once and asked him nicely not to take my picture, and he continued to do it.  I told him if he did it again he would find the camera stuck in a very uncomfortable place. 

I tend to be very upfront and will not tolerate a lot of your list.  I have no hesitation to answer back to my IL's if they act like doofuses.  It may be rude, but these people just annoy me. 

I hope you don't let DH leave you alone with these people.

[fklwmn]

ummm... am I one of your in laws? seriously... most of these things could have happened at one of our get togethers. except the stretch mark thing. That's crazy! And the singing? My mom got a fancy karaoke machine for Christmas a couple of years ago. Guess what our family gatherings center around now? I *also* cannot carry a tune in a bucket. But if you insist I join in, I am happy to torture you!

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

I.do.not.like.having.my.picture.taken.  period.   I will pose for one or two, but FIL is one of those people who likes to take sneaky pictures when he thinks I'm not looking. 

That's just rude.

My solution (although I don't care if people take my photo) is to make *hideous* faces at the camera. Grotesque grins or I look terrified or whatever. Amazingly, no one seems to want to take my picture anymore... 

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

...to annoy me at the In-laws extended family Christmas get together

The things that annoy me at "family" get-togethers are:

1. Asking me when I'm getting married and getting snippy when I say cheerfully, "Never!"

2. People who say, "You can't live with your mother forever." I can live wherever the h3ll I want to, thank you. I do pay my way; it's not like mommy is giving me a free ride.

3. Asking, "Haven't you grown out of Star Trek YET?" No, I haven't. What's it to ya?

4. Nagging me about having a baby. I'm not even married!! At my cousin's wife's baby shower (and boy, there were quite a few faux pas there), my aunt asked me this. I said, "Oh, I do want a baby. I want to adopt a black baby who needs a home." (And not because it's trendy; I've wanted to since I was 9 years old.) Well, my aunt got this look of absolute horror on her face and went, "Don't let your uncle (a terrible racist) hear you say that!" What I would have liked to reply but didn't at the time is, "Maybe I wouldn't if I gave a poopadities what he thinks." Probably just as well we got distracted and I didn't get to answer...

There are more but my blood pressure is going up just thinking about it.

[Clara Bow]

Your family and my step in laws need to get together somewhere and haunt a house. May I respectfully add a few of my own little peevishes to your list?
1) No one wants to talk about who's dying, fixing to die, wishes they could die, etc at the holidays! For God's sake, do you people ever hear any good news???
2) My chosen career path is not inadequate. When I tell you I'm becoming a nurse, don't ask "Well why don't you become a doctor?" as though nurses are somehow inferior. Why don't YOU become a doctor?
3) Do not let your kids run wild all over the home of an elderly person. God created yards for that.
4) Please, please, please enough with the pictures. And it's not funny to take a picture of someone putting food in their mouth.
5) Thinly veiled racism, sexism and homophobia do not have a place in civilized discussion. And when I leave the room because I do not want to hear your Jim Crow assessment of the world, please don't follow me and tell me more. If I wanted to hear crap, I'd stick my head in the toilet.
6) You are not a biblical scholar, theologian or educated in religion at all beyond church. Please stop holding yourself up as some expert on the Bible, when half the stuff you're spouting is merely your opinion. Believe me no one is impressed. Now leave the pastor alone, he's trying to eat (yes this stems from a direct event!).

[Buffy2424]

They're all bad, bad, bad, but #7 annoyed me. 

My natural hair is a dark blonde, kind of a boring dishwater color in my opinion.  For the past 10 years I've been highlighting it all over to be a blonder blonde.  My father never, ever failed to announce to anybody new that "she dyes her hair, that's not her real hair color." 

As if anybody asked.  Since that's neither true nor false I used to find myself knee-deep in questions, conversations and explanations about my extremely uninteresting hair. 

A few months ago I dyed it dark brown.  So, I'm sure that will carry the conversation at least halfway through Christmas dinner. 

Can I keep complaining in solidarity with Foxxy?  Here are two other things I'm sick of hearing:

1) My lack of a baby.  In my family the women are grandmothers by age 30, so I'm a freak for reaching my mid 20s without a baby.  Last Christmas I was a "child-hater."

2) The way I'm so ordinary.  Everyone makes pointed comments about HS classmates who are doing weird, extraordinary things, like making billions, having 6 kids, or competing in the olympics.  You'd think I was dead the way they mourn me. 

What can I say, mom and dad?  I guess I'm just a regular person (like you two are, might I add).  Mostly I cook, work and schlep my husband-- and I'm tired of hearing how "sad" things turned out.

[Clara Bow]

Regular is pretty good by me. Regular doesn't end up in jail, strung out on drugs or on E! True Hollywood Story. I like regular, I'm pretty regular myself. I may not be curing cancer or working among the lepers, but I think we're okay, don't you?

[Scritzy]

Sure, I'm a devil worshipper, see my pitchfork?

Dang it, Foxxy, how many times have I told you not to borrow my pitchfork without permission? You are SO grounded, girl.

[Suze]

...to annoy me at the In-laws extended family Christmas get together

The things that annoy me at "family" get-togethers are:

1. Asking me when I'm getting married and getting snippy when I say cheerfully, "Never!"

2. People who say, "You can't live with your mother forever." I can live wherever the h3ll I want to, thank you. I do pay my way; it's not like mommy is giving me a free ride.

3. Asking, "Haven't you grown out of Star Trek YET?" No, I haven't. What's it to ya?

Boy do I hear #3 a LOT -- I don't comment on their chosen hobbies, what is so wrong with MINE?

And so what if I still live with Mom?  If I hadn't been living at home who knows how long I would have been laying on the floor with a siezure (My first. out of the blue)  We take care of each other. 

Suze

Suze

[avonlea29]

<eg>  Well....if you DID #8, you would also solve #7...2 birds with one stone!

My IL's are great for the most part, but I'll play...

1) MIL has alot of health problems and I am good at sympathizing, but I DO NOT need to know about her latest UTI, crotch numbness, hemroids. @@

2) When we go on a much needed vacation, don't lament that you can never afford to go anywhere. You could have when you were younger if you were better with money and didn't shop the home shopping network so much. And now you KNOW you can't b/c of your health.

3) Don't tell my children they can't have anymore chips when we aren't even at your house. I will correct them if need be, thank you. I don't mind grandparents correcting a) if I am not there or b) if they are reenforcing something I have already said.

4) Don't ask for money b/c you know we just got our tax return. Yes, it's happened before. <sigh> Along with all the other times she's asked.

[POF]

  1) Do not make snotty remarks on the gifts our children receive. They are not over indulged and it is not your business. MIL Why did you get a bike - you already have a bike ! to my 7 year old who got a new larger bike with out training wheels.

2) Do not insist that we show up at 1:00 because we are eating then - and then do not serve dinner for 3 hours. Yes it's nice to get together - but I do not want to be held captive.

3) It would be nice to have some beverages / snacks in the interim 3 hour wait for dinner.

4) Tell your kids that they should not shove to the front of the buffet line. Older relatives and really young children should go first.

5) To my 20 something nephew - Do not be first in the buffet line, take a LOT of ham and nothing else -  and then get back in line for seconds before some people have gone through. ( They are getting children settled, they are the hosts and getting people organized).

6) To my MIL - yes I am aware of my weight. Please do not mention it. Also - this is not the appropriate forum for discussing the division of things in your estate.

7) People who make rude comments and then cry off - "I was only joking ". You weren't - it's passive aggressive.

[cheyne]

My DH's grandmother thinks she owns exclusive rights to host ALL holiday gatherings.  When we first married (14 years ago), we attended on the biggies (Thanksgiving, Xmas, and Easter), but skipped the smaller celebrations.  I would have liked to have said the following to her and DH's extended family, but I will content myself with posting here:

1.  I am not here to clean the table, and wash and dry ALL the dishes by hand, (including pots and pans used in preparation of the meal) for 18 people.  I will roll-up my sleeves and assist in these chores, but I am a guest, not the maid! 

2.  I don't want to hear you folks bad-mouthing the family members who can not make it to this shindig.  Yes, I understand they are your family and not mine, but what do you say about us when we are not here?

3.  My job is my business.  Yes I work in a traditional "mans" job, but I enjoy it, and the much higher pay than I would get working a "womans" job.

4.  My attendence (or lack thereof) at church is something I do not want to discuss.  In fact, I don't want to discuss religion at all.

5.  My daughter does not wear frilly dresses in Winter in Minnesota.  Her warmth and comfort is far more important than me spending money on a dress she will wear only to your holiday gathering.

6.  I do not want you expounding your racist, homophobic and misogynist attitudes at my family.  Especially at my 11 year-old son.

It was the last that decided me that I would no longer attend any In-Law events.  I quietly spoke to my husband and told him the kids and I were leaving now.  He decided to leave with us (smart man), and in the car I told him I would never attend another event with his family.  I advised him he was perfectly within his rights to attend without us, and I would never hold it against him if he did, but I was through forever.  It has been 6 years and I have held true to my word.  The funny thing is, my DH hasn't been to an event since then either...