...to annoy me at the In-laws extended family Christmas get together:
(Disclaimer-this stuff really did happen, but I post about it mostly for laughs. It did annoy me, but this should not be taken as a full on rant. It's just about the little stuff people do)
1)Be rude enough to ask me how much something my children are wearing cost, then loudly exclaim, "OH! That's too much! I'd never spend that much on a child!" Um...who asked *you* to?
2)Insist I take a photograph in front of everyone so that I look like an yoohoo! Moderators! Ban me now! if I say no. I don't like to have my picture taken. On rare instances I will allow it, when I am really in a good mood, otherwise, when someone attempts it without permission, I turn my head, turn my back, or duck behind someone. When I did this to you several times in a couple of hours, you should have taken the hint. When I politely said "No" several more times when you asked, you should have taken the hint. Putting me on the hot seat in front of people does not endear you to me, I will remember you for it. I hope that picture doesn't turn out, too.
3)loudly laugh and ask me if the reason I'm carrying a pillow is because I am planning a nap or if I have hemmoroid problems. I'm not sorry I embarrassed you by solomnly saying "Something like that." It embarassed me for you to call attention to it. I was only there out of courtesy, in pain, and may skip it the next time if I'm going to be embarassed like that. Or maybe I'll just go into gory detail about them just as you start to eat.
4)tell me what to eat. I don't like deer, I don't eat deer, and no, I am not going to try *your* deer. Let me alone. And a ten minute lecture on the virtue of deer meat is not nessasary. Next time, I'm going to wear an 'I *heart* Bambi' tee-shirt.
5)try to insist I sing. I don't sing. The reason that I don't sing is because I can't carry a tune. Even if it was in a bucket. Being married into a musically talented family, this makes me even less inclined to add my croaking to the mix. I'll sit and enjoy YOU singing, but kindly don't nag me about adding my voice. Next time, I'll oblige.
6)ask my 8 year old to look after your 4 year old. He's not old enough, nor responsible enough to be in charge of a young child. I also don't need your sigh and eye roll when I say no for him. I realize you wanted to socialize without being bothered, but trust me, better you be bothered than your four year old get hurt because my son got distracted.
7)Tell me my haircolor must be fake. Yes, some blondes are natural. Yes, I really am a natural blonde. Trust me, I've been blonde my whole life, I know the color. It's not Clairol #95. Next time, I'll whip out my cellphone and dial my mother's number for you and you can tell her it's not possible that she birthed a natural blonde.
8)Ask me if I have stretchmarks from childbirth and then not believe me and try to PULL UP MY SHIRT and look when I say no. Are you insane? Just because you have them doesn't mean I do. Shall I strip?
9)Try to have a religious discussion with me after I say I would prefer not to talk about that. And why would you assume that I was ANY religion because I said I don't want to discuss it? Sure, I'm a devil worshipper, see my pitchfork?
10)(for DH specifically)drag me to a gathering when I am physically uncomfortable and then tell me you want to leave early to watch the game but would I stay longer because your relatives would like to spend more time with the boys.....have you lost your mind? I can only assume that you must have momentarily misplaced it to think I'd even entertain such a ridiculous request.