Author Topic: Funeral Etiquette  (Read 3455 times)

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tigerlily0

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Funeral Etiquette
« on: July 27, 2009, 11:10:56 AM »
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« Last Edit: August 18, 2009, 11:48:04 AM by tigerlily0 »

Wulfie

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Re: Funeral Etiquette
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2009, 11:30:21 AM »
Any sober colors are fine. Avoid red as you said but anything tasteful and dark colored is fine.

Be ready for what my family calls "Catholic Calisthenics"  Up, Down, Up, Down.  If you are sick or pregnant it is acceptable to stay seated, otherwise.... The order of service should be spelled out on a little booklet at the entrance to the church. It will explain what is going to be going on. They will also give you a bit of info as to where things will be happening after the service is over. The service will more than likely be a Mass for the Dead and will last at least an hour.  Unless you are Catholic do not go up for communion.

mechtilde

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Re: Funeral Etiquette
« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2009, 05:45:23 PM »
If you are unsure what to do at any religious service then try to place yourself near someone who is a member of that particular faith and copy what they do.

In most churches you will be handed an order of service and hymn books on arrival, or these will be in the pews already. Most churches are used to the fact that members of other denominations or of no religious belief at all will attend funeral services and make arrangements accordingly to guide those unfamiliar with the proceedings.

As I've only been to one Catholic funeral myself,  I'm possibly not in a position to comment other than to say that I didn't find it wildly different from any of the Methodist or Anglican (Episcopalian) services I have attended. Also tha the priest went out of his way to make me feel welcome and that it was one of the nicest (if I can use that description) funerals I have ever been to.
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Sirius

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Re: Funeral Etiquette
« Reply #3 on: July 27, 2009, 09:13:30 PM »
If you are unsure what to do at any religious service then try to place yourself near someone who is a member of that particular faith and copy what they do.

In most churches you will be handed an order of service and hymn books on arrival, or these will be in the pews already. Most churches are used to the fact that members of other denominations or of no religious belief at all will attend funeral services and make arrangements accordingly to guide those unfamiliar with the proceedings.

As I've only been to one Catholic funeral myself,  I'm possibly not in a position to comment other than to say that I didn't find it wildly different from any of the Methodist or Anglican (Episcopalian) services I have attended. Also tha the priest went out of his way to make me feel welcome and that it was one of the nicest (if I can use that description) funerals I have ever been to.

Pod to this.  I'm not a Catholic, but the last one I went to was a Catholic funeral.  However, I went with a Catholic friend, and I followed her lead, but I doubt if anyone would get offended at a funeral if someone didn't know all the prayer answers, when to stand up, and when to sit down.


blarg314

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Re: Funeral Etiquette
« Reply #4 on: August 14, 2009, 06:27:15 AM »

At a religious service - stand up and sit down when others do, kneeling is optional. You don't have to sing/pray/recite along if you aren't comfortable, but keep quiet and follow other's lead.  If you are not Christian, you don't take Communion (in a Catholic church, you don't unless you're Catholic), although I don't think Communion is common at a funeral.  There will be a printed order of service to follow.

For clothing - conservative and sober is pretty standard.

A reception afterwards is very common, typically with food and drink. Take a chance to speak to the bereaved, but don't linger unless you know them very well. If you don't know the family, introduce yourself and how you know the deceased or the family.

You can send the card at any time. It helps a lot to have a personal message (more than just a signature), but you don't have to get fancy. "I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm thinking/praying for your family in this difficult time". If you know  the deceased, share a personal memory, or mention what you really liked about them, or how they helped you - these kinds of cards can mean a lot to the recipients, for a long time afterwards.

When talking to the family after the service, again, express your condolences and keep it simple. Avoid anything like "It's for the best" or "I know how you feel" because these things are easy to misinterpret.


ginlyn32

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Re: Funeral Etiquette
« Reply #5 on: August 15, 2009, 10:08:03 PM »
Since you are not Catholic, you will not be able to take communion.

Wearing black or other dark color is okay. Also wear pantyhose. Yes it's hot, but you can always remove them after the service in the ladies room.

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Mopsy428

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Re: Funeral Etiquette
« Reply #6 on: June 29, 2010, 12:12:50 PM »
-Do not talk during the service.

-If you bring children and they start talking/yelling/running around, please remove them to the "cry room" or to somewhere else where they won't disrupt the rest of the ceremony.

-Other things not to say include, "She was old" and "At least she's in a better place".


Allie003

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Re: Funeral Etiquette
« Reply #7 on: July 05, 2010, 05:16:11 PM »
Don't ask for casket to be opened after it is closed.

If you aren't one of the 'primary' mourners try to keep it somewhat together. The chief bereaved shouldn't have to be taking care of you.

kherbert05

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Re: Funeral Etiquette
« Reply #8 on: July 05, 2010, 06:42:49 PM »
Do not force people to go to the open casket.

My parents hated open caskets. With Dad we didn't have any open casket because his sister felt the same way.

With Mom, her siblings needed to see her. So we arranged a private viewing for them - and Sis and I left the room. My Aunts didn't get why we left the room. Thankfully one of our Uncles got it. So he stopped them from coming to get us while the casket was open.

Be flexible when dealing with multiple cultures. When it came to Mom's funeral we had Texas culture, PEI culture, Catholic Culture, and Protestant Culture.

My PEI relatives expected a receiving line - but the Texans (where the funeral was held) wouldn't have understood what was happening. When people came in my sister, our US cousins, and I made a point of introducing Mom's Texas friends to her siblings from PEI.  The Aunts and Uncles said later that they found it much less stressful and they got to hear about Mom's life here from her friends.
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Re: Funeral Etiquette
« Reply #9 on: July 05, 2010, 08:02:27 PM »
Unless you are Catholic do not go up for communion.

Though you can go up in the Communion line to receive a blessing if you wish.