This is the story of the only person I have ever literally thrown out of my house (as in, put hands on and tossed):
Several years ago, my friend, Ann, was exposed to HIV and was utterly terrified. She went through the testing and got the test results back saying 'negative' on a Thursday afternoon. So, in the black humor our little circle was occasionally prone to displaying, we threw her a party on Sunday. Our circle contains people of various ethnic types and religious beliefs, some of which are relevant to the story.
Since at the time I was the only one with a working BBQ, the party was at my place. Sunday morning, one of our friends (Gil) calls to say he can't make it, his mother and siblings are in town. We take a quick vote, and the decision is 'oh, but we like them, tell him to just bring them along'. They are Jewish and their faith is very important to them, so we put in a call to a conveniently located (and DELICIOUS) Kosher place that does take-out and ask another friend (Marie) if she and her boyfriend (to be known henceforth as 'Jerk') will pick it up for us since it's on their way. They agree, Marie mentions she was bringing a ham but will make sure there is no contamination, and Jerk can be heard talking in the background. Gil himself is pretty well lapsed and calls himself a practicing agnostic, but is respectful of his family's beliefs and keeps kosher when they are around.
Guests and food arrives, and drinks are served while the hostess (me) and the BBQ master (Ted) finish up in the kitchen. Ohar (both Middle Eastern and Muslim) starts putting the containers of food on the table, and Jerk follows him in when he returns for another load. Jerk looks over at the food still in the kitchen and giggles. Ted asked him what was so funny, and Jerk responds with 'I drained the juice from that' and indicates the ham Marie had brought, 'into the stuff we picked up for those Jews'. Ohar and I started at him, jaws dropping. Ted immediately left the kitchen, and (or so I'm told, didn't see it) dramatically raced to pull the dish from the deli away from the folks just starting to help themselves from it and explain what happened.
Ohar recovered before I did and stepped towards Jerk. Ohar is about 180 and works out, Jerk is maybe 120 soaking wet and already known to be lazy. Jerk further digs himself in by saying to Ohar, 'what, you don't have to get all Jihad about it'. At this point I intervene by grabbing his arm and yanking him out of Ohar's range. I open the door, and since Jerk doesn't have the brainpower to walk through it on his own and digs himself in further by saying to Ohar 'oh like your kind doesn't think it's hilarious', I save his life by picking him up and hefting him outside, then stayed in the doorway to prevent Ohar from pursuing. At this point, Jerk seemed to realize that he'd somehow offended us and started apologizing for not realizing that we weren't able to 'take a joke'. When I stepped out of Ohar's way, Jerk finally seemed to get a clue and got back in his car, using his cellphone to call Marie who was still in the house.
Marie informed him that she didn't want to see him again and did not need a ride from him, anything he'd left at her place would be packaged up and mailed to him. She was hyper-apologetic, stating that she'd told Jerk why she was putting the ham into a tupperware container and putting said container into the trunk so as not to risk it touching anything from the deli and while Jerk had told her it was ridiculous, she'd never dreamed he'd pull such a stunt. Since her arm is broken, she'd left it to Jerk to get stuff out of the car and into the house, giving him the opportunity for his malice.
Jerk drove off. About two weeks later he called up asking to borrow a movie he'd noticed while at my place, and had the nerve to ask me why not when my response was 'wait, who is this? NO!'
(noticed a spelling error)