Author Topic: I'm using and repeating this wedding-style  (Read 20081 times)

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GirlyJock

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I'm using and repeating this wedding-style
« on: July 31, 2009, 01:18:14 PM »
I was asked to be a bridesmaid in late December 2008, despite the bride to be not knowing the actual date of the wedding, other than that it would be sometime in the summer of 2010, preferably in June. I told her that I should be available to attend, provided that the date in question was not on my birthday (which happens to be in June), as I am a multiple birth and our birthday is important to my family. She replied that my birthday was the date she really wanted, and I reiterated that if she chose to have her wedding on my birthday, I might not be able to attend.

She later sent me a message saying that the church she wanted to be married in had every day in June 2010 open, so she scheduled it on my birthday like she wanted. Now, I understand that there are a number of factors that go into picking the wedding date, the least of which is whether or not a member of the bridal party can attend, but it felt a slap in the face. This bride to be has also said/done a number of things that have made me feel as though we were never really friends (I can give more information, but there's a pretty long list at this point, and don't want my first post to be more whiney than necessary), so I let her know that I wouldn't be able to attend her wedding (which shouldn't be that much of a surprise, as she picked the only day that month that I had a conflict with) and stepped down as a bridesmaid.

She's freaked out, e-mailing, texting, and posting on both my blog and Facebook either asking me to re-join her bridal party (I'm sorry, that won't be possible), or telling me what a horrible friend and person I am and saying that she hopes my wedding (I got engaged after she did, and when I told her the good news, she said that I couldn't be her Maid of Honor anymore) will be as awful and terrible as I am.

Bibliophile

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Re: I'm using and repeating this wedding-style
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2009, 01:20:08 PM »
Well, looks like you dodged a bullet...

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Namárië

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Re: I'm using and repeating this wedding-style
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2009, 01:26:58 PM »
Welcome to the forum, GirlyJock!

And yeah, you definitely dodged a bullet! Wowzers!
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GirlyJock

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Re: I'm using and repeating this wedding-style
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2009, 01:31:52 PM »
Thanks, I needed a no-nonsense etiquette forum for wedding plans.

And yeah, bullet dodged. I realized that due to some decisions/statements on her part, I was more stressed/angry/resentful about her wedding than my own. The only thing that stinks is that (a) I'm looking for a new job, and I never check my facebook, so I'm not sure if any potential employers saw what she wrote, and if they are judging me for it, and (b) she's starting to get other people to tell me that I'm being unreasonable.

Namárië

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Re: I'm using and repeating this wedding-style
« Reply #4 on: July 31, 2009, 03:08:25 PM »
If you're worried about employers seeing your facebook, you could make it private. I realize it's a little late now for what your "friend" wrote, but you never know when someone might post something inappropriate.
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GirlyJock

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Re: I'm using and repeating this wedding-style
« Reply #5 on: July 31, 2009, 03:35:21 PM »
Thanks Namari, my Facebook's as private as it'll go (I had a stalker a while back), but I always get a bit paranoid about the "what ifs" when applying to new jobs.

It's also irritating, because I now have a sorority asking me what's going on and why I'm not going to be this girl's bridesmaid (she's my big sis in the sorority).

azleaneo

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Re: I'm using and repeating this wedding-style
« Reply #6 on: July 31, 2009, 09:20:06 PM »
If you have sorority members asking you why, then I would be very upfront and tell them that you stepped down as her bridesmaid because she selected the one day in June that it wouldn't be possible for you to attend as her wedding date.

Since sororities are sisterhoods, I think they would be understanding of the fact that it is you and your siblings birthday.  You're not being unreasonable at all.

Mediancat

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Re: I'm using and repeating this wedding-style
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2009, 03:19:34 PM »
Begging you to come despite the fact that you said you couldn't on that day: Within the bounds of etiquette.

Begging by every communication system known to humankind save smoke signals and carrier pigeon, a bit overboard.

Calling you nasty names, utterly ridiculous. A bullet dodged indeed . . .

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thebeckster

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Re: I'm using and repeating this wedding-style
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2009, 03:30:40 PM »
Agreed, bullet dodged, but what about all those stories that will never come to be?

Congrats on your own engagement!

Twik

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Re: I'm using and repeating this wedding-style
« Reply #9 on: August 07, 2009, 04:24:24 PM »

Begging by every communication system known to humankind save smoke signals and carrier pigeon, a bit overboard.

If she's used carrier pigeon, I bet the OP would have gone!  ;) See, she just didn't try HARD enough.

What? Aren't most people most reachable by the "Bird is the Word Network"?
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MrsCrazyPete

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Re: I'm using and repeating this wedding-style
« Reply #10 on: August 10, 2009, 06:16:52 PM »
Wow.  Can you imagine what your "friend" would have been like (and will in the future be like) with the members of her wedding party?  If there's so much drama over just the wedding date, what will happen when it's time to pick out dresses, cakes, flowers, etc, and it's JUST NOT ALL ABOUT HER?!?!
Sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here.

DaysOfPineAndRoses

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Re: I'm using and repeating this wedding-style
« Reply #11 on: August 15, 2009, 11:34:13 PM »
It appears she purposely chose your birthday.  :-\

TootsNYC

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Re: I'm using and repeating this wedding-style
« Reply #12 on: August 26, 2009, 12:03:09 PM »
Thanks Namari, my Facebook's as private as it'll go (I had a stalker a while back), but I always get a bit paranoid about the "what ifs" when applying to new jobs.

It's also irritating, because I now have a sorority asking me what's going on and why I'm not going to be this girl's bridesmaid (she's my big sis in the sorority).

At this point, I would be deleting her posts and blocking her.

Especially since you are job-hunting.

If you're worried about fallout, send her an e-mail that says, "I'm alerting everybody, I'm cleaning up my Facebook page to make it job-hunt safe, lots of posts are going to go!" And then delete hers.  If you want camouflage, delete a couple that you made, even if it's just pet pictures.

snowball's chance

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Re: I'm using and repeating this wedding-style
« Reply #13 on: August 26, 2009, 12:23:43 PM »
You did nothing wrong.  She has ample time to make alternate plans for the wedding now that you won't be in it.

Dindrane

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Re: I'm using and repeating this wedding-style
« Reply #14 on: August 26, 2009, 12:40:21 PM »
This is one thing that always bugs me about people in a general sense.  Ultimately, anyone can do whatever they want.  But some people seem to think that means they should be able to do whatever they want without suffering any consequences.

You told your "friend" what the consequences of selecting that date would be.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with her choosing it anyway, as I'm sure there were many factors in her preference for that date.  But to then go and whine about how you did exactly what you said you would is just annoying, rude, and mean.

I agree with everyone else - you dodged a huge bullet here.  If she was really a good friend, she wouldn't be trying to coerce you into doing exactly what you said you could not do right from the start.

I also don't think it would be out of line at all to tell other members of the sorority that you told the bride from the start that you would not be available on this date in June.  You can only assume that since she chose it anyway, other factors in her planning were more important than your attendance, but you still wish her well.