Toots, I understand what you're saying. However, I don't know that my first post was worded correctly. In late December, B2B asked me to be in her wedding, and I accepted, letting her know that the only date in 2010 that I wouldn't be able to attend was my birthday. A few weeks later, B2B mentioned that she wanted to get married in June, but hadn't decided on a day, and said that any date the church had to offer would be fine with her. I reminded her about my birthday being in June, and reminded her that I most likely wouldn't be able to attend if that was the date set, and she replied that that was fine it was the only date on conflict in the entire month.
The next day, she informed me she wanted to get married on the 19th. I told her that it was the only date that wouldn't work for me, but it was her wedding, and it was up to her (in this time, I'd gotten engaged, and she told me that her fiance called BK and I "copycats" for getting engaged, and then told me that I couldn't be the Maid of Honor, as I'd be wrapped up in planning my own wedding, when BK and I hadn't picked a date yet). Two days after that, she told me the church had every weekend in June free, so she got my birthday, like she wanted.
From her own words, my birth date was picked because that's the day she wanted. If there were a complication that made her pick my birthday, I might have re-thought dropping out. As it was, she gave me nothing to go on besides the fact that she wanted it then.
In addition, from her own planning I found out that she invited my ex, and was thinking about making him a groomsman, and was thinking of pairing us off (and she wanted us to dance together for the attendants' dance), and planned on making 12 dozen cupcakes using two different from-scratch cupcake recipes and icing them using two different kinds of from-scratch icing, and as indicated earlier in the thread, chances are the bridesmaids would be up into the early-morning getting that done.
So while the birthday thing was stinky, the fact that it seemed like she was planning on making things as awkward as possible for me (pairing me off with the guy I dated before BK at the ceremony? And making me dance with him? I don't think so) was weird and kinf of callus, was the combination of the two is what did it for me.