Author Topic: when they ask why, and I know they will  (Read 13122 times)

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Bethalize

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Re: when they ask why, and I know they will
« Reply #30 on: February 01, 2010, 06:06:32 AM »
Well, if I let a married couple use my bed (because I wouldn't let an unmarried couple use it, my place my rules) I would mind if they played "scrabble" in it. Very much. I don't think that's something that needs to happen if you're a sleepover guest at somebody else's house.

Ed.

In the same way I don't think people should be asking about people's scrabble habbits I don't think they should even be thinking about them. The bed is the bed, the sheets get washed after every use, and what happens inside is nothing to do with anyone else.

If you can't bear the thought that someone might have had sex on a mattress you sleep on how could you ever bear to stay in a hotel?

RubyDoomsday

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Re: when they ask why, and I know they will
« Reply #31 on: February 01, 2010, 05:21:17 PM »
See, the scarbble would actually be the most upsetting to me. If you can't control yourself for ONE NIGHT out of respect for the person who graciously let your drunken bum crash, then maybe you shouldn't be allowed to have play dates with other grown-ups.

To the OP, what did you mean when you said you didn't mind doing this because they lived on base and didn't have a lot of money (or so you thoughts)? Do you now have reason to believe that their finances are hunky-doory and they just mooched off of you because they could?

Ultimately, I think unless they are a super fun couple that you love hanging out with (with the exception of their breaches in behaviour), you should do a slow phase out. Be busy, be too tired, "oh, we're cleaning the carpets," "oh, darn, I'm sorry, we were actually going to be doing yard work all day and are just going to crash," "Our Lovely Child has been feeling a little blue lately, so we think we need to spend some more family time *just us*....I knew you would understand since you have one the same age and you know how they can be"....I promise, eventually, they will stop calling.

artk2002

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Re: when they ask why, and I know they will
« Reply #32 on: February 01, 2010, 08:40:00 PM »
See, the scarbble would actually be the most upsetting to me. If you can't control yourself for ONE NIGHT out of respect for the person who graciously let your drunken bum crash, then maybe you shouldn't be allowed to have play dates with other grown-ups.

But many of us wouldn't consider it disrespectful, and don't see the need for guests to control themselves.  That was Bethalize's point just above.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Bethalize

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Re: when they ask why, and I know they will
« Reply #33 on: February 02, 2010, 04:08:44 AM »
See, the scarbble would actually be the most upsetting to me. If you can't control yourself for ONE NIGHT out of respect for the person who graciously let your drunken bum crash, then maybe you shouldn't be allowed to have play dates with other grown-ups.

But many of us wouldn't consider it disrespectful, and don't see the need for guests to control themselves.  That was Bethalize's point just above.

Absolutely. Sex between a couple who are sharing a bed (married or partners) is allowed under every rule in every book. You telling visitors they may not do something that is normal and expected is really, really rude. I cannot see any reason why someone should "control" themselves. And nor does Emily Post ;-)

Sparkle Star

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Re: when they ask why, and I know they will
« Reply #34 on: February 02, 2010, 11:23:29 AM »
See, the scarbble would actually be the most upsetting to me. If you can't control yourself for ONE NIGHT out of respect for the person who graciously let your drunken bum crash, then maybe you shouldn't be allowed to have play dates with other grown-ups.

But many of us wouldn't consider it disrespectful, and don't see the need for guests to control themselves.  That was Bethalize's point just above.

I found this point really interesting in that it sparks such polar opinions, so I asked a few friends what they thought too.

The general concensus is that while it may not be technically wrong, the majority would feel uncomfortable about having adult time in someone else's bed and would never do so, and would also be unhappy if someone chose to do so in their bed.

My own view is that MY bed is precisely that, and I and Mr Star are the only people who should have adult time there. (Preferably together.... ;D >:D Sorry!)

I do not, however, have a problem with guests choosing to do so in the guest bedroom, nor does it bother me when I sleep in a hotel room to know that others have gone before me.
Love, dance and chocolate fudge cake - what more do I need?

Goog

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Re: when they ask why, and I know they will
« Reply #35 on: February 02, 2010, 01:16:24 PM »
Here's my take on it:

I invite a couple (or they possibly invite themselves) to dinner.  They trash my house, eat my food and drink my alcoholic libations to excess, which incapacitates them in terms of getting home.  Right there, a faux pas on their part.  So you graciously invite them to stay overnight and even more graciously give them your bed to sleep it off.  Notice the emphasized word.  So once again, another faux pas....they decide to have a little "fun".  When you have been rude enough to incapacitate yourself and force your hosts to offer you refuge when you can't go home, you don't abuse the hospitality further by engaging in other activities.  Seems like a slap in the face to do that in your bed since they had already imposed on you, and you were on the freaking couch!

It seems like they're treating the OP as an free all-inclusive vacation getaway, complete with a business center for computer use.

If you want a polite way to put them off, how about "Sure, we can get together.  But I'm so tired of hosting all the time.  I want to get out of my house!  Do you have any ideas?"  That will solve the sleepovers and them not leaving.  It's rude to invite yourself to their house, but you can certainly say that you're tired of hosting so much.  And I don't even think it would be bad to say "It's your turn."   If they suggest something with a cost, let them know up front that you're not paying for them.  "Is this time on you, or are we going dutch?"  (This comment might be considered rude to say to normal people, but with these moochers, I think you need to be very open and blunt about things, or they WILL walk all over you again.)

Methinks that when the free all-inclusive vacation getaway is closed, they won't be quite so anxious to see you anymore.

happyhousewife

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Re: when they ask why, and I know they will
« Reply #36 on: February 03, 2010, 03:16:00 PM »
Sorry for lack of an update, forgive my rudeness ;)

Here is what happened-  We ignored their calls for a few wks, or when we did answer, we were "busy".  The wife of the couple continued to call and leave messages like "answer your phone, we are in the area." and the one that I thought particularly creepy "if you don't answer we are just going to come by."

No, I did not answer the phone, and thankfully they assumed we werent home and did not stop by.

A few wks later the wife called and left a voice mail crying and wondering what they had done because she had the "odd feeling" that we were ignoring them.  She then proceeded to call a few more times so I broke down and sent her an email that said I think we were going different directions in life and that they didn't have the same morals that our family had and it would probably be best if we didn't see each other anymore.

She called a few more times, crying and shouting, to which I ignored.

There is a subpart to this story too.  Unfortunatly, before any of this happened, the husband came to visit my husband at work one day (he wordks at a classic car place, and people can come and look at the cars).  While he was there he managed to get himself hired as my husband's boss designing a new website.  He was supposed to have it up and running in a few months.

A yr later he still had not finished and they had to fire him.  The good news is, before the boss hired him, my hubby made sure to let him know that in no way was his friendship to this person to be a factor in anything should things sour later down the road (thank goodness he was thinking ahead!)

So since then we have had no more contact with him and I have very much learned my lesson.

Thank you so much everyone for all of your input it is sooooov very appreciated!