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  • July 29, 2016, 03:14:38 PM

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Author Topic: Birthday Party Invitation Says 'Best Wishes Only' But... Updates Posts 22, 26  (Read 2966 times)

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lorelai

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Re: Birthday Party Invitation Says 'Best Wishes Only' But...
« Reply #15 on: July 01, 2016, 10:29:26 PM »
I see, so it's related to the amount of money you might possibly kick in?

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Birthday Party Invitation Says 'Best Wishes Only' But...
« Reply #16 on: July 02, 2016, 08:52:13 PM »
Yes.  Do I kick in double if he ends up going with me?

But since it looks like neither of us will be going, I may just send a small amount to friend's sister and have her sign our names.  I'm still waiting see if friend and her husband will be joining us for an event the weekend after.  If so, I may just do something on my own and not do the contribution to the group gift.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

judecat

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Re: Birthday Party Invitation Says 'Best Wishes Only' But...
« Reply #17 on: July 06, 2016, 07:32:16 AM »
Personally,  if I were the person who's birthday it was,  I would be livid with my sister for coercing my friends into helping her pay for a  gift that I didn't want in the first place.    If my siblings want to ignore my wishes and spend their own money then it's on them,  but don't extort money from my friends for it.  To me that sound like more of an ego thing for the sister --" oh I just love her soooooo much I had to do this for her to prove it.  Aren't I wonderful."




lmyrs

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Re: Birthday Party Invitation Says 'Best Wishes Only' But...
« Reply #18 on: July 08, 2016, 06:14:08 PM »
Even before the update, I was on the side of treating the party and the gift separately. If you want to give a gift, it's your call. If you do want to contribute to the sister, the postal lock out has been postponed for a month so that's not a concern but you could just email her the money if you're with one of the larger banks. It's dead easy.

EDITED because the strike is back on so disregard that part.
« Last Edit: July 08, 2016, 06:32:48 PM by lmyrs »

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Birthday Party Invitation Says 'Best Wishes Only' But...
« Reply #19 on: July 08, 2016, 07:02:44 PM »
Email transfer costs me at least twice what a stamp and cheque cost me.  I'm cheap frugal so I don't want to do the email transfer unless I have to.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Mary Lennox

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Re: Birthday Party Invitation Says 'Best Wishes Only' But...
« Reply #20 on: July 08, 2016, 07:28:22 PM »
You already told the sister you would contribute, so even though you think the request came across as tacky, I think it would be tackier if you went back on your word.

If you want to get her an additional present, go for it, but that should really be on top of the group gift you already agreed to be a part of.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Birthday Party Invitation Says 'Best Wishes Only' But...
« Reply #21 on: July 08, 2016, 07:52:13 PM »
You already told the sister you would contribute, so even though you think the request came across as tacky, I think it would be tackier if you went back on your word.

If you want to get her an additional present, go for it, but that should really be on top of the group gift you already agreed to be a part of.

Yeah, this is kind of how I'm feeling.  I wish I hadn't jumped on her email so quickly.  But another friend is visiting this weekend and I can send some cash with her so that solves the mail problem.  Didn't make the connection until now.  LOL.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Outdoor Girl

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I gave visiting friend a card and $10 to give to birthday girl's sister and I sent sister an email so she can collect the money from friend.  And if birthday girl and her family do come to visit the weekend after, I'll do something for her then.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

workerbee

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I think the sister was a bit presumptuous in piggy-backing on the husband's invite to try to coordinate a group gift. The husband handled it nicely, I thought. If I were the friend, I would be a bit put out by my sister, but not angry.

I think you were fine sending your contribution. I agree with Toots here, that if people are going to give a gift (which is totally optional), I would prefer a larger, pooled gift card to an assortment of $10 candles, frames, other gee-gaws that may or may not be to my taste. I just feel like "token" gifts = clutter. (But I also have a greater-than-usual aversion to clutter so YMMV).

On the BF question - I would consider a live-in BF part of a social unit, so I wouldn't double my gift giving. Particularly if this is "your" friend, and he knows her through you.

MyFamily

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I just saw this, but I have to say that this idea of a gift is a pretty horrible one, imo.  Everyone kicks in towards a gift certificate for the birthday girl to use towards traveling, but if it doesn't cover the cost of anything, then she has to spend her own money just to use her gift.  That may not be something she can either a) afford or b) she can technically afford it but doesn't want to spend her money that way.  I'm always wary of gifts like that.  If she was planning a trip and this would help, it would be different, but it sounds like her sister is trying to force her to take a trip, which she may not be able to afford.

I view this like giving someone a gift card for $15 to an expensive restaurant, and the only thing that will cover is a glass of wine.


"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol

Outdoor Girl

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I'm pretty sure the birthday girl has a trip in the works so the GC won't go to waste.  But I'm also pretty sure BG is going to be royally ticked with her sister when she finds out about this...
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Outdoor Girl

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Party went well, though I didn't attend.  BG's sister let us know that she received an $800 GC from the group and will be getting $400 more from family so will have $1200 towards her next trip.  So that's a big help!

So I sent an email to the BG along the lines of - 'Glad to see your sister is still alive'.  BG laughed.  But she won't be coming to my place next weekend as I'd hoped so I won't see her until September. 
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

siamesecat2965

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Glad it all worked out! I'm actually in a kind of similar dilemma; a friend from HS, who I reconnected with a few years ago, is having a very casual get-together, that she planned, to celebrate her birthday. Nothing fancy, and as we are all turning the big five 0, or have already, I suspect she just wants something quiet and low key. Fine by me, i'm the same way.

But since it IS her birthday, and while not really an official party or celebration, I still feel like i need to give some sort of small gift. It just kind of goes against my nature not to.  She doesn't drink otherwise a nice bottle of wine would have been perfect. So I asked another friend who she's closer to, who said not really that kind of party, no need etc. And we are all bringing munchies, and will literally hang out in her yard, and talk and whatnot.

So my friend who I asked, said well, if you must, you know she's very practical, so a gift card to this or that would be nice. So i said fine, i'll get a small one, and hide it in a card :) Problem solved because hopefully when she opens it, later on, I'll be gone :) so she can't refuse.