Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 205846 times)

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greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1920 on: December 08, 2014, 07:38:47 AM »
Dear Princess,

Is it possible that you have turned the corner on this bout of IBS?  You are putting weight back on and you seem to have gone the whole night without having an accident...which is good since you were sleeping on the bed!

Love,

Your most devoted servant

Nissarue

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1921 on: December 09, 2014, 09:47:03 AM »
Dear Chloe-cat,

Yes, I was incredibly wrong to use your tummy as a pillow, no matter how fuzzy and soft and cute it is.  However, next time, can you just yell at me?  The wind you broke uncurled my hair.

Love
Mommy

GreenHall

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1922 on: December 09, 2014, 09:56:40 AM »
Dear Renfield,
I'm sorry, was my head taking up too much space on my pillow that you decided to sleep on last night?

Also, the geometric middle of the bed is still not a good place to sleep if you don't like me jostling you randomly.

-The Can and Door Opener

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1923 on: December 09, 2014, 07:23:11 PM »
Dear Kitties,
Thanks for keeping me warm. However, perhaps tomorrow you can sleep closer to the sides of the bed instead of forming a line down the middle?

Love,
The human

Fliss

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1924 on: December 10, 2014, 06:46:37 AM »

Dear dogs:

We have had these chickens for almost 2 years now. You are well aware that one of them gets hysterical over anything, from a leaf falling off the apple trees into the orchard to a mouse scuttling through the coop, to complaining about laying an egg, to announcing it has just laid an egg and deserves greens as a reward.

Please cease and desist leaping up, charging to or out the back door and throwing yourself at the garden fence. You don't frighten the chickens one bit, the local cats have stuck up warning signs and never set paw in the yard anymore, but if you keep it up you're going to hurt your claws again. And my sympathies will be limited.


Dear chicken (AKA bare-neck):

You are let out at first light, which in summer now is 4:30am. Having a hysterical fit at 4:45 is not endearing you to the neighbours, your owners, the dogs . . .

Should you continue this behaviour, I shall call in a favour from a friend and have a delicious Sunday chicken dinner. Behave!

Fliss, heartily fed up with with the unnecessary panic every day at dawn o'clock.
Good news! Your insurance company says they'll cover you. Unfortunately, they also say it will be with dirt.

GreenHall

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1925 on: December 10, 2014, 08:50:15 AM »
Dear Renfield,
Well Played.  I'm sure watching me call the cat in from the cold outside was very amusing as you, the cat, sat on a blanket on the couch.  Since this also means you've figured out you can come in through the cat door, rather than waiting for staff to open it for you, I'll take it.

-The Staff

atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1926 on: December 18, 2014, 03:00:41 AM »
Dear Stephen,

Why are you receiving your very own Christmas card from next door? Are you trying out a new family, or was this from when you decided to herd their terrier back through the fence? And does this have anything to do with your smug expression and recent weight gain?

I believe I may have to have words with the neighbours.

Regards,
Mum,

P.S. If you are planning to get two turkeys this year, you'll be disappointed. We're having pork.

snowfire

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1927 on: December 18, 2014, 11:48:14 AM »
Dear Scooter,

Since you are usually the original grumpy cat, I am honored when you come up on my chest to snuggle when I'm in bed.  However, I would much rather see your cute little pink nose than "old one eye".  I'm not a cat & I don't need to sniff your butt to know who you are.

If you do insist on sitting with your back to me, please refrain from whopping me in the face repeatedly with your tail.

Love,
Your human

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1928 on: December 18, 2014, 06:32:40 PM »
Dear Lynx,

You may not eat my potato salad.  I understand that you adore mayonnaise and eggs and my potato salad has both of those, but it is my potato salad, not potato salad for kitties, and the last time you managed to steal some, it gave you horrendous gas.

No, acting cute and laying on me will not earn you potato salad. 

Love,

The human who does not share

gingerzing

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1929 on: December 19, 2014, 12:21:20 PM »
Dear Rosie and Darcy (and your canine sister Sadie) -
Please take care of Daddy.  He is pretty sick and I have to work. 
Kitties, that just means snuggle up on him while he is on his recliner and purr to relax him. He needs to sleep most of the day if possible, so that should be in your wheelhouse.   No, that doesn't mean going into the bedroom.  And please lay down on him, don't be in that weird perching position.
Sadie, you need to be a good girl and not announce EVERY leaf blowing across the yard.  And today, ignore the postman. 

Special gooshie food for all of you for being good little nursemaids.

Love
The mama

Fliss

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1930 on: Yesterday at 02:09:12 AM »

Dear Demons:

Summer has arrived at last. This involves a certain amount of heat, and I realise that as you wear fur coats, this involves a certain amount of discomfort on your parts. However, as head ape and the person who controls food and icebergs in this house, may I make a few suggestions?

1) Laying on my feet and drooling over them until they're soggy is not a good idea. It's possible I might get up and slip on the lino and crash to the floor. This will not endear you to me, and I might possibly say rude things and flail madly. Not that you would have noticed as you both performed your usual ninja magic and vanished, only to poke your heads around the door later to ask if the noise had stopped.

2) Yes, we have a concrete floor in the bathroom and laundry. This will keep you cool and after 3 years, you know all the best spots. But we do have to close it off at times, to keep the rest of the house cool. Waiting until the humans have vanished and then working in tandem to open the sliding door does not help this matter. I can hear the door slide open, and I get suspicious when you vanish for longer than 10 minutes. Silence is suspicious. Pro pet tip boys: Woof occasionally.

3) I know the unusually long cool period has confused you, but there's no reason to shed your entire coat in 3 days. The current flea problem means you're getting a bath once a week, can't you save it up and let it all go then? It would be easier on all of us.

Sorry about the heat, lads, but we're all going to suffer through this. Hopefully without another 15 day stretch of 45 degree days.
Good news! Your insurance company says they'll cover you. Unfortunately, they also say it will be with dirt.

ladyknight1

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1931 on: Yesterday at 06:49:44 PM »
Dear Harley,

I love you. You are my first child. However, you shouldn't bite the hand that hand feeds you!

Not amused,

Mom

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1932 on: Yesterday at 08:55:09 PM »
Dear Lynx,

You are not a dog.  Please stay inside when it rains outside, and if you do happen to get wet, please don't share it with me!

Love,
The human who already took a shower today...

Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1933 on: Yesterday at 09:08:01 PM »
Dear Freya,

Yes. I know. The lady who was supposed to take you to get spayed is an utter flake and now we've missed the opportunity till you go out of heat again. But please, please, try to refrain from yodeling loudly in the hallway? It echoes. In fact, it echoes quite loudly. Which is probably exactly why you do it there. Hate to tell you, kitty, but there's no male cats around here and you're on the top floor of a house besides. Not happening.

The muttering and chirping I can stand. Just...no more hall yodeling.

Grumble,
the Not-Furry One.
~I'm just standing with you, in the darkness between battles~